A Sport Haters Confession

All my life I have despised sports of all kinds. Perhaps because I was rubbish at doing anything physical, but more likely because my family couldn’t get enough of it.

My father was a typical armchair sports enthusiast. He watched American Football religiously, not just the teams he favored but ALL the teams. He watched every game throughout the season, from the pre-games to the Super Bowl.

My dad, and later with my younger brothers; would watch on the color TV set in the family room while I was relegated to the living room to watch my musicals and old movies on the small black and white TV, during sports season. Which seemed to be all year round because my father liked Baseball and Basketball as well. The fact that most of the movies I watched were in black and white anyway, had nothing to do with the injustice of it all. There were only 5 channels back then, no cable, no way of recording things. Just TV.

When Seattle got their own team, the Seahawks, in 1976, I couldn't have cared less. I still resented not being able to watch on the color set. When they added Monday Night Football to everything else, I took it as a personal affront. Yet another night I didn't get to watch my shows in color. That was the way it was, literally, all my young life.

When I married and we moved to our own place, my husband would watch the Sunday games, if we were around, and occasionally Monday Night Football, if we didn't have something better to watch; but he was not much of a sports fan. Much later in life he became a Tour-de-France buff, he was training to do long distance bicycling, so it made sense. It also aired at O dark thirty in the mornings so by time I got up, the racing stage for the day was over.

If I went to visit my parents for the weekend I had to be prepared for there to be some kind of game on T.V. All weekend. Don't forget, College Football is on Saturdays. Go Huskies.

My younger brothers enjoyed sports and they played soccer when they were young. The elder of my brothers is the family Sports Savant. He remembers EVERYTHING about most sports, particularly American Football, and Baseball. He remembers who won which game in which year and who won MVP. You get the idea. If you can’t remember who played in the Super Bowl in a particular year, ask Tim, he knows. He doesn’t have to look it up. He coaches Soccer and other sports, and now Referees soccer games all over his district. Die-hard Sports fan. Obviously, we don't have much in common.

In 2010 my husband and I divorced, and I moved to New Orleans for the year. I thought it would be fun and take my mind off the divorce, you know, keep me from becoming depressed. I made some friends there, and it was in Louisiana where I found true Football Fans with a capital F. This is also where I learned the importance of football snacks.

The entire town loved the Saints. Really loved them. There were all kinds of shops selling official Saints merchandise, when they hosted a game at the stadium the place was packed.

My new friends would call me and ask if I had the game on. When I responded with a no and a shrug of indifference I was told to “get you’re a$$ over here”. Through those fun-loving, hard working, very relaxed people I learned about football. They always had a spread for every game. Not just the usual chips and dips but gumbo, chili, wings of all kinds, and beer, beer, beer! Not to mention the obligatory barbeque after the game was over. New Orleans had tailgating down to a fine art!

Thanks to my Southern friends, I learned to follow the complicated plays, and by the time I returned home to Seattle, I was a fan of the Saints as well.

Unfortunately, I am a fair-weather fan. I was seen as a traitor in my hometown, so I learned to wear the Saints jersey only when they were playing, not to the grocery store, and wear the Seahawks T-shirt the rest of the time. It was difficult on the rare occasion my two teams played each other. What is awesome is that both my teams have won the Super Bowl! Not everyone can say that.

Most of the year I don't even think about sports or Football. But when the Super Bowl looms on the horizon I start paying attention. I check the magazines to see if there is anything new or interesting in the way of Super Bowl snacks.

We never really made anything memorable over the years, just the usual wings, chips, and dips, and one year I made a cake in the shape of a football. Of course, it was a lot of cake and we ate it for a whole week.

After my mother died I went to live with my father so it was nice I could follow the games as he, of course, always had them on.

My sports-loving brother would come over on the occasional weekend to watch football with my dad, often switching the channel back in forth in order to follow more than one game at a time. He would regale us with trivia about the teams and the players. Of course, as he had come a long way to spend the weekend with us, I had to make sure there were snacks for him.

In August of 2014 Tampa Bay Concessions introduced The Horse Collar 22-inch ring-kielbasa sandwich.

My brother sent me a picture of it. He asked me to make it sometime. I looked everywhere for a recipe but there was none to be found.

On Super Bowl Sunday of 2015 my brother and other family members came for the weekend and, based on the description and picture of this new delight, I created my own Horse Collar.

Here is my recipe for the Tampa Bay Horse Collar Sandwich.

Begin with a frozen bread dough, I used Rhodes.

Follow the directions to thaw and raise bread dough in a loaf pan. I left it in the fridge overnight. Then when I was within a few hours of needing the dough I brought it out. Let it sit on the counter for an hour maybe two, depending on how warm your kitchen is. It should be about double.

While the bread dough is doing its thing, fry some sauerkraut. If you buy it in a package, you can fry up the whole thing. If you like the type in a jar, you probably only need half the jar.

I never ate sauerkraut, totally not my thing…. until I fried it. OMG! It was dry and crunchy instead of sour and slimy! I loved it!

You can fry it in a non-stick pan, it doesn’t need any fat, the frying just dries it out and makes the sauerkraut brown and crispy.

You will need a long Kielbasa, I used the smoked horseshoe sausage, It isn't 22 inches long but they are easy to get and inexpensive. If you have a favorite by all means use that.

When the bread dough is sufficiently risen, you will roll it into a half circle to make a horseshoe. See the picture if you need to.

Push the sausage into the bread dough making sure it is securely pressed in; it shouldn’t be sitting on top, but really stuck into the dough.

Bake for 20 to 30 minutes in a 350 fahrenheit oven. Ovens vary so check after 20 minutes, your bread should be golden brown and your sausage hot and sizzling.

While the sausage and bread are baking, make the beer cheese sauce. You can make any recipe you like, here is mine.

Beer Cheese Sauce

2 Tbl. Butter 2 Tbl. All-purpose flour ½ cup milk 3/4 cup beer

Note: do NOT use good beer for this. It is a waste of beer, use a cheap beer for your sauce.

1 ½ tsp Worcestershire sauce 1 tsp mustard powder ½ tsp garlic powder

2 cups shredded, sharp cheddar cheese. Pinch of salt and pepper to taste.

Directions:

Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Add flour and whisk until thick, cook for 2 minutes to make sure the flour is cooked through.

Add milk, beer and Worcestershire sauce while continuously stirring.

Mix until smooth, then add mustard and garlic powder.

Continue to heat and whisk until the mixture thickens, about 5 minutes.

Turn heat to low and add shredded cheese, one ½ cup at a time, stirring continuously until cheese has completely melted and sauce is smooth.

Add salt and pepper to taste The sauce should be served warm.

There will be a lot left over so you can serve the rest with pretzels or bread, or vegetables.

When the sausage and bread come out of the oven, let it sit for 5 minutes or so before finishing and serving.

Drizzle the beer cheese sauce over the sausage, don't worry if it spills over onto the bread, or indeed, the pan. Sprinkle on the fried sauerkraut, then I tossed on some chopped green onions. As there is no official recipe, feel free to make it your own, as I did.

I should say slice and serve, but we hacked off hunks and chowed down with gusto! It was a major hit and the main attraction of our Super Bowl snack table!

Sadly, my father passed away a month or so after that, it was his last Super Bowl, and it was the end of an era. No more sports 24/7, no more Super Bowl family parties. My daughter and her husband do not care for Football, only occasionally watching the Super Bowl, and never the whole game.

I miss my dad and the family get-togethers, we have all scattered to the winds; but occasionally I think about the Super Bowl treats we made, especially the Horse Collar. One of the reviews called it “a sausage in a toilet bowl,” but I remember it fondly and know that one day, I will make it again for another generation of Football lovers. I look forward to having grandchildren with great excitation.

Food can be a powerful memory trigger, a tremendous, nostalgic way of remembering good times. Even when those good times include grown men being paid obscene amounts of money to throw a ball around. I still loathe sports. But occasionally, I do like me some Football!