grief

Losing a family member is one of the most traumatic life events; Families must support one another to endure the five stages of grief and get through it together.

Time & Space:
Nostalgia and sentimental comfort live in memories of coming home after grade school. What better feeling than the day being done, running through the door, dropping book-bag, lunch box, coat, calling out a loud Hello, before heading straight to the kitchen for a snack, or fast out the back door to play? On rainy days sitting watching cartoons on the tiny kitchen television with only five stations before starting on homework. Love warms each corner, contentedness surrounds with easily found smiles.
By M.4 years ago in Families
A yellow rose bush named Celia
Relief. It's what I felt when Celia, my mother, died. Then I felt a sense of guilt because I felt no sadness- not immediately anyway. I was just relieved.
By Maite Landa4 years ago in Families
A Tragedy in Three Parts
Picture this: it's October 2018. You're driving in the car with your boyfriend of five years to your family lake house after spending the night with him at his college. He looks over at you suddenly and says that you need to talk. Your heart sinks.
By Devon Matson4 years ago in Families
My Brothers' Death Changed Everything.
For almost eighteen whole years of my life I hated kids, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with babies or any type of care for any other being than myself; My home life was nothing less than utter chaos all the time, I grew up with six siblings and being one of the middle children I often got overlooked and forgotten about; So I took that and kept to myself in the growing years, to the point where my siblings problems didn't affect me as much anymore or maybe I didn't pay attention. I know now looking back before my brothers death that I definitely didn't pay attention, his days were much darker than mine, his wounds were deeper, and he was exhausted day in and day out. He was using drugs and alcohol to numb the tremendous amount of pain his mind was in, and the sad part is that we all saw it and none of us really made an effort to get through to him or even stop him. I can't remember much about the days prior to his car crash except blind teen rage, I do remember a dream or a premonition; It was my brother getting into a brutal car wreck, barely surviving but walking away alive from death's doorstep. And this wasn't the first time a dream of mine became a reality; a couple years prior my elder sister was hit head on in a drinking driving accident, I dreamt that she would be hit and wouldn't survive. Both times I knew my siblings would get into a car accident/incident but the outcomes were reversed from what was predicted. I can recall the exact moment I knew my brother would be leaving without us, my family had already rushed to the hospital we were all frazzled and running into the intensive care unit trying to encourage him to fight for his life. We tried everything and anything, but some time around two a.m. there was a code blue issued which I can only assume meant all of his systems were failing at that time. I remember looking at the ticking clock and a thought that wasn't my own popped into my mind, "nothing good ever happens after two a.m." and that's the moment I believe my intuition told me that my brother would be letting go. It wasn't until over an hour later at three twenty three a.m. that he passed away, it was like a scene out of movie; My moms best friend, who up until that point had been all giggles and jokes, went to confirm with his doctors and when she came back around the corner with tears welling up, no words needed to be said. He was gone, I dropped to the waiting room floor, threw my glasses, and sobbed my heart out. I never cried so ugly in my life before, never seen my dad cry till that moment, I fully felt that chunk of me go with him as his soul left his body. Walking into his hospital room, seeing him eerily lay peacefully was heart wrenching, feeling his still chest that was still warm from his heart beating moments ago is a feeling that I could never forget no matter how hard I try. I didn't realize it at that moment but his death altered my life entirely, not solely in the physically aspect but my entire perspective on life and death was forever changed. At first I was very angry at the world, at myself, even my family; I hated everything and everyone all because my big brother died, there was however one small ray of sunshine peeking through the dark skies; My nephew, the last living breathing essence left of my brother. Oliver had only turn one a month prior to his fathers passing, his smile was the only reason I got out of bed, his laugh healed my heart as much as it ached, that's when my perspective on children completely shifted. The tiny human I once viewed as a demon goblin was promoted to a prince on a throne, but I'm sure in his eyes he was already on that throne. I know that I definitely didn't cherish my brothers life as well as I should have, that's why dead people receive more flowers because regret is stronger than gratitude. It took a horrible tragic death for me to fully appreciate my family and people surrounding me, after that I knew that at any point in time anyone could be ripped out of my life unexpectedly so I vowed to cherish them and try to fully show my gratitude. I took the morals my brother held so close to his heart and implanted them into mine; if someone needs a five then I'll give them a ten, someone needs a jacket I'll rip mine off my body, when someone I love is having a horrible day I'll sneak a twenty in their wallet and deny at all costs that it was me. It's almost been three years since my brother left his humanly shell, to think this time three years ago my brother was still alive is bizarre considering it feels like eons since I've heard his voice, or smelt his cologne, or to have his arms wrapped around me in a big bear hug. My family has gone a thousand days since my brother passed away, and for me personally it changed everything. In this moment of time, I don't live for myself, I don't keep fighting this fight of life for myself I've been doing it for the people I love and have lost. I adore and cherish the children I'm surrounded by and hope for my own someday, they give me extra light to fight the darkness that resides in my mind. Everyday I have to remind myself what Ryan would say on his bad days, "everyday above the ground breathing is a beautiful day." I would still take his place in a heartbeat but I know that won't happen, even though the pain will never fade away I'm grateful for the eye-opening knowledge his death has taught me.
By Caitlyn M4 years ago in Families
The Voice of the Tree House
The whispers from the trees began ten minutes ago to lure us into the forest like a siren's call. Halloween night and me just ten years old as my friends gathered at our house in their costumes and full of candy from the night’s scavagings and roamings from the neighborhood homes lit with pumpkins as the paper ghosts wraithed in the cooling breeze that rattled the leaves that sounded like applause the of bones. The whispers continued tin-like and distant as my friends with their plastic flashlights huddled terrified. “Long is the night, and deep is the forest where mysteries lie! Come find me!”
By Kevin Rolly4 years ago in Families
Ariana
The following are entries I made over the course of several years in the aftermath of the suicide of my talented, tortured, and deeply loved daughter, Ariana.
By Sarah Lacey 4 years ago in Families
Dear Dad...
I miss your occasional emails. I’m sure you miss sending them. I wanna say you know everything I’ve been going through since the last letter, but I think I’ve finally come to a small conclusion. Yes, I messed up.
By Rambler's Society4 years ago in Families
Remembering Again. Top Story - July 2022.
It has taken ten years for Poppop to remember my name again. We are sitting at a table outside under string lights and stars. He is wearing a blue sweater vest and his head is still bald. I cry as he marvels at my tattoos. He tells me he would like to get some. How outlandish! How hip! He doesn't ask me why I’m crying, and I don’t register the tears until I wake up.
By Sone Kramer4 years ago in Families
pain & loss
On January 15th 2019, I got the call know one wants to hear it was my godfather. He was calling to let me know that my dad, his best friend had passed away. I had a strained relationship with my dad, he had cheated on my mom since I was 7 and although mom knew this, dad didn't leave until I was 16. It wasn't until I was 22 when my parents divorced and it was then my dad removed himself from my life. I never understood why he'd done what he'd done but I never gave up hope he'd pop back up. I'd gotten married and he didn't show, I had children who never knew their grandpa. I tried my best over the years to never speak negatively about him, I didn't know if I would ever see him again so I didn't want to tarnish that relationship any possible relationship my kids could have with him.
By Donna Evenson4 years ago in Families
To My Soul Twin
Dear Ashley, I don't know why you went to work on Tuesday. You told me that you were sick and were trying to get you and Tessa into the doctor. I have no idea why you changed your mind and went to work - probably because you're stubborn, just like the rest of us who are descended from Mamaw and Papaw Meeks.
By Jessie McDonald4 years ago in Families
How We Saved Her Life
Time passes slowly before only four visitors are left in a single windowed room. Arms wrap around a small child. Protecting her. Reminding her nothing will come between them. The small child knows what they all are waiting for: a teenager, who was taken from her family, but given a second chance at life, to walk across that hallway at any moment with her hands concealed behind her back.
By Shelby Lehman4 years ago in Families
A Blur
It feels like it all happened yesterday. when my world got flipped upside down and the life I once knew and loved was no more. Who would’ve thought that one phone call would change all I ever knew along with my sole existence. It was up to me, all up to me, the whole world, my mom’s whole world was entirely on my shoulders. It didn’t feel real, it was like an out-of-body experience, would I ever wake up from this nightmare? The hours, days, and weeks, leading up to the funeral just kept going by and it still didn’t feel real. It was as though my memory and thoughts were all foggy. How could this happen to me, my family? God would never betray me and take away the person I love the most, right? The day of the funeral came and there was no way that the man laying in the casket was my daddy. The person once filled with so much life, whose smile made anyone feel welcome and comfortable, there was just no way. Time kept going by and the fogginess didn’t go away, it was like I was living a life that I wasn’t even fully living anymore. It was like I was here and I had no control over what was happening and like this life wasn’t even mine anymore. I was losing myself more and more with each and every day that went by. I was starting to forget who I was and what made me happy and what brought me peace, especially being in a relationship with someone who made me feel like my thoughts, my feelings, and my tears had no meaning. The only time things were good was if I didn't speak, I was expected to be silent. This is not how I was raised. I was brought up to be strong, independent, and to always stand up for what is right. With all of that, I was still letting a man who was supposed to love me and be my partner, yell and demean me every opportunity he could. I was nothing but this broken and lost person. With each day that went by, I just kept telling myself how much I missed my old life. The life where I had two parents, the life where I felt supported, the life where I felt heard, the life where the weight of the world wasn’t on my shoulders and I only had to worry about myself and could take time to figure out what the future had in store. This isn't how my new life or rendition of that is supposed to be, right? I couldn't be that person who lost their dad and walked around lost and as if life had no meaning, right? This couldn't be me and a life that I would be okay with living. To carry around the pain every day and to feel unheard, unloved, and trapped became so very exhausting. I can't have it together all of the time. I can't be the perfect daughter, perfect friend, perfect sister, perfect aunt, perfect employee, perfect student, perfect girlfriend, I just couldn't live this life anymore. This isn't mine. Life kept throwing everything it could at me and I felt myself sinking lower and lower with each day that went by. Talking to friends became exhausting, and making plans to hang out became exhausting. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to go out, all I wanted was to just be alone to regain my peace. I was once a person who loved being outside and exploring all the world had to offer. This isn't me, I'm a fighter.
By Ashley J4 years ago in Families