adoption
Adoption proves that sometimes, you can choose your family; all about the process before, during and after adoption.
Crafting: a life
Before I was born, my mother and grandmother created a christening outfit for me. Mom cut and sewed and stitched all summer long when she wasn't busy working as an au pair in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Grandma tatted lace in a tiny village in rural New York. With the work of their hands, together in creation but apart in location, they bound their love into fabric and turned it into art for a child they'd never seen and couldn't keep. The adoption agency wouldn't let them give it to me. It was the 60s, and anything gifted from the birth mother might "weaken" the bond of the child with its new parents. As if she hadn't already given them the greatest gift imaginable. She had four days before they took me away and she returned to school.
By Deb Bartle5 years ago in Families
A Legacy of Love
D ( T Tamarah to 3 My heart smiles and is filled with love and admiration every time I think about my mom. As far back as I can remember as a child, my mom has always been a pillar of strength for me and my siblings. My father was hardly ever around, he was always in and out of the picture so all the responsibility fell on my mother's shoulders to take care of me, and my 2nd oldest sister Erica who is now 44, and has special needs. I have two other older siblings, my eldest brother Steve 55, and elder sister Samantha 53, who already had left home in their early teens, because of our father's abusive and destructive nature. Our father was an alcoholic. My mom comes from a long line of strong, hardworking, country women who have old fashioned Christian values and don't believe in divorce. For a while my mom stuck with my father, for as long as she could until she just couldn't anymore. During the early part of their marriage, my mom went to nursing school to become a Licensed Practical Nurse, during the time when my older brother was a toddler, she was also pregnant with my 1st older sister Angela who eventually passed away from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome a few months after she was born. In spite of the tragic circumstances my mom persevered and made it through and got her degree, because of the love and support of my grandmother Mrs. Leler bell Rodgers. I think my mom in some way must have instinctively known it was going to get worse before it got better, which it did as my father's drinking habits became increasingly heavier. My mom still held out hope for my father even after the fact he wound up giving up on life as a husband and a father. My mom didn't tolerate any of my father's drunken nonsense, he became a different person when he drank. That person was verbally, emotionally, and eventually physically abusive. My father had different levels of drunkenness at times were somewhat tolerable and could be tuned out and other times in your face hard to ignore. When he became violent towards her and then eventually us, that's when enough was enough. My mom stopped investing her love, time, and emotions into someone who refused to get help and do right by his family. My father wasn't a stable part of my life and when he was around was pretty toxic himself. She taught me at an early age, around five or six how to pray away my fears and trust in a higher power whenever I felt scared or alone, I’m 42 and still believe now more so than ever in a higher power. She kept a brave face on and hardly ever complained through all her test and trials in life and clung tightly to her faith. During my younger days in the 1980's-90's as a child I remember more often than not, I had my issues growing up some typical and some not so much. I got picked on a lot at school because I didn't have what everyone else had, expensive name brand clothes or shoes, my mom bought what she could afford and most of my clothes came from the thrift store and Payless shoe store. Kids can be pretty cruel, shallow and insensitive in school. I struggled for a long time with insecurity, and anxiety. My mom helped me Through my emotional issues, encouraging me always, helping me to understand there was nothing wrong with who I was as a person. As a family we received a little extra counseling from our church and support from some our other family members helped get us through that emotional hurtle. Through the years, she stayed strong, focused on what needed to be done and did the very best she could as the sole provider. I watched my mom struggle for years to make ends meet and at one point when I was 13, my mom worked two full time jobs for eight years. I felt helpless a lot of times watching my mom work tirelessly six days a week for 16 hours straight from one job to the next so I pitched in as much I could and helped my mom out around the house and learned how to cook and clean and also with some instruction from my grandma as well. My grandmother came down from North Carolina periodically when she could take time off from her job and helped my mom out as much as possible. My mom is no stranger to work. When she was around 12 her and aunt Ethel worked in the fields every day after school alongside my grandfather who was a share cropper. My mom used to work in peanut, cotton and tobacco fields different days during the week, and would help my grandmother on the farm on weekends where there where mostly pigs, chickens, geese and a cow. My mom was raised with a strong work ethic and family values that transferred over to myself and my siblings. My mom is a warm, loving, caring mother who always made sure no matter how tired she was she made time for us. Eventually when she found one good paying job my mom worked a little less, and started to enjoy life more. We started to take family trips, go to the movies or have a movie night at home with pizza and popcorn and a fun sleepover with my mom, myself, my sister Erica, and my cousin Kia. As an adult my mom inspired me to be a good person, work hard, and live by these simple codes which is common knowledge to most but until you are actually faced with certain difficult situations can only be relevant and relatable in those moments. Hold your head up in the face of adversity, be strong and confident, fear is just a word not a way of life, and like most things in life can be easily conquered, she powered through hers because she forced herself to. Try not to look how you feel, because stress can give you premature wrinkles as she would say a lot jokingly. Never complain too much about your problems, because it's counterproductive instead just solve them the best way you can, "Do your best and God will do the rest". Treat others how you want to be treated, because you never know that one person you showed compassion to could wind up helping you in return later on in life. Don't let your circumstances or what you see around you determine who you are as an individual or affect your personality to the point where you lose your sense of self, bad things happen in life there's nothing we can do except move forward with the understanding that the world may change good or bad but that doesn't mean I have to change with it.
By Tamarah Davis5 years ago in Families
This is for the many moms in my life...
I believe we don’t have just one mother in our lives. We are surrounded by so many influential, loving, and inspirational women that I find it almost impossible to have just one singular role model, or mother, that we look up to.
By Iris de Torres5 years ago in Families
The Woman Who Saved My Life
Growing up, the word “mom” did not mean to me what it meant to everyone else. Moms are supposed to be loving, supportive, your best friend .. My experience was the complete opposite. I grew up in the New York State foster care system most of my life due to my biological mothers neglect and substance abuse. I can recall where I would be left in the house for days eating nothing but raw hamburger meat and pancake waiting for my mom to come home. It wasn’t all bad, I knew my mom loved me but she chose her addiction over her daughter, and the rejection hurt me to the core. How was I supposed to love in this world when my first line of protection had let me down constantly?
By Bianca Bennett5 years ago in Families
The Woman who Saved My Life
Growing up, the word “mom” did not mean to me what it meant to everyone else. Moms are supposed to be loving, supportive, your best friend .. My experience was the complete opposite. I grew up in the New York State foster care system most of my life due to my biological mothers neglect and substance abuse. I can recall where I would be left in the house for days eating nothing but raw hamburger meat and pancake waiting for my mom to come home. It wasn’t all bad, I knew my mom loved me but she chose her addiction over her daughter, and the rejection hurt me to the core. How was I supposed to love in this world when my first line of protection had let me down constantly?
By Bianca Bennett5 years ago in Families
I love you three years as a day precipitation, let go to give you all the blue sea and blue sky
It turned out that I had not touched anyone, I had been in my own world, silently touched myself until tears. Only then did I realize that I had really loved. I deceived myself, but believed in people who, until now, I did not believe the truth. I love you for three years like a day sink, let go of all the blue sea and blue sky to you.
By KarinBenjaminag5 years ago in Families
