MY STORY TO TELL

ALONE AGAIN

This is probably the hardest chapter to write. It is most definitely the hardest time in my life, up to this point at least. I just shared with you the second time in the previous 10 years, that I lost another parent. This time it brought on all new challenges and grief. Growing up, I could never have imagined my family life was going to become what it eventually became. Growing up, my family was close. We were always visiting my father’s sister in north Alabama. We were always with my father’s brother’s family, as they lived near us. My mother’s family only consisted of her mother and her sister Carole, who I spent more time with as a child than any other family member. I absolutely loved and adored my Aunt Carole. She took me to my first Alabama football game, her daughter Tammy who was probably 12 years older than me, let me stay with her for an overnight visit when I was very young down in Tuscaloosa at the University of Alabama. My point is this, we were a very, very close family.

The tragic loss of my mother finished off what family I had left after my father passed away. I often think if my parents had passed away in opposite order, how different my life would be right now.

When my mother spoke about Lindsay and her care for after my mother had passed, she always spoke of Rainbow Omega. Rainbow Omega is an adult home for special needs adults who can not live on their own. It was a Christian based home and that glowing reviews. None of us ever expected Lindsay to actually move there, at least not for long term. I always assumed Lindsay would live with me or my older sister. That all changed with my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. We all agreed that this fight was going to be very tough and my mom needed to focus on her health and that Lindsay needed more of a structured environment than my mom would be able to give her during this time. I did what I always do, I made shit happen. I called Rainbow Omega and spoke to the director. I was informed there was a 2 year wait for new arrivals. Me, being the person I am, didn’t accept that and had Lindsay living there within 2 weeks. Again, I was just trying to follow my mother’s desires. All I have ever wanted to do.

With the ordeal of the will and the malicious, false portrayal of my character pushing his dying mother to change her will, well needless to say the family ostracized me. All of this could have been prevented if Tammy had simply let people know the truth. That my mother came to her first about her will and it was because Tammy refused to honor my mother’s dying wishes, that she came to me. During the time directly after my mother passed, and also prior to her passing, things had become really bad. I never will forget that my older sister and Tammy wanted to keep me away from my mother, I wasn’t sure why, but they did. They had the sitters tell me to leave my mother alone and not to bother her. The day that message was portrayed to me was probably a week prior to her death. I went in to my mother’s bedroom, she was in bed, she wasn’t speaking which was common since her surgery. She would have a blank stare on her face mostly. However, this night, I had to say what I felt. I let her know that her words she told everyone has ruined everything for me. Hell, even her neighbors treated me differently from the stories and lies she told. I told her that everyone wanted me to leave her alone and I was going to do just that. I let her know that she would never see me again and with that, I walked out. I was hurt, heartbroken, sick, damaged, destroyed, kicked, beat down to the point I just didn’t care anymore.

I don’t know how many days went by, but it was close to a week and I really felt like I could not let those be the last words I said to my mother. I went back over to my mother’s house one afternoon. I went in to my mom’s room, I shut the door and she looked at me. I apologized to her for my words. I told her I don’t know if you are hearing me or understanding me, but I love you so much and I forgive you for everything you said, because whether they want to believe it, accept it or whatever, I know you were sick. I told her I know that the brain cancer caused her to say and do those things and it was not her. As I said these things to her, I see tears coming down her cheeks. The very moment I told her I forgave her and would always love her, she gasped and more tears flowed. Which in return, caused my tears to flow. The next several hours, I sat by my mom’s side. I didn’t speak, I just sat with her. I would finally get up to leave around 11 PM. I kissed my mother’s forehead and told her she was free to go be with dad. I told her I loved her and that was going home to let her rest.

It was maybe 1 hour after I got home that the sitters called and told me they thought mom was on the verge of passing away. I jumped in my car and headed back to her house; I was too late. She had passed away while I was on my way over to her house. Now the sitters had called a hospice nurse to come over and take care of calling the funeral home and getting the time of death and so forth. During this time, I tried to call my older sister and my cousin Tammy. My older sister was supposed to be at my mom’s house that week, yet she got a free trip to the beach that she just couldn’t turn down. (Insert sarcastic eye roll). I was so angry that she chose to go to the beach at a time like this. Never the less, that is who she is, a very, very selfish person. Even with that said, her knowing that mom was going to pass any day, I expected to be able to call her and have her answer immediately. HA! What was I thinking? She had her phone turned off. I finally was able to get a hold of her niece who went to the beach with her and have her wake my older sister up and let me tell her that her mother had passed away. Tammy, well according to her, she had just a bad feeling all day and couldn’t sleep at all because she felt like she knew that mom’s passing was going to happen. Well, that’s strange, you felt that way all day, but you didn’t visit mom? You hadn’t visited her in several days. You say you were up all night, couldn’t sleep? That is so weird, because I called your cell phone and your home phone all night and it wasn’t until after 5 AM, maybe 6 AM that you finally answered.

These are the two people I found myself dealing with. The ones who made me out to be the villain from hell. During the sit down at the funeral home, Jonna and Tammy were crying and when the gentleman stepped out of the room, I looked at both them let them know right then and there, that had they listened to me almost a year ago, then mom would be alive right now. I truly believe that to be an accurate statement. I told them, it was too late to cry and that they held a lot of blame in my book. I was angry, rightfully so, it is called rightful indignation. Look it up if you don’t know the meaning. I picked out the songs for my mother’s funeral, ones I knew she loved from the Church. I will say, her funeral was much better than my fathers. I still have a voicemail saved from my aunt that was crying and thanking me for giving my mother the proper funeral that she deserved and how well done it was. I also have voicemails saved from cousins talking shit to me when mom was sick. Especially one claiming I was hounding my mother about her will. Which was so ironic because it was this very cousin who went to the hospital to get my mother to sign paperwork giving her husband the authority to invest my mother’s money. The same husband who overdosed at home on heroin. Of course, that was fine to do, but to carry out my mother’s wishes were an abomination. The hypocrisy in this family, a family full of “Christians” was mind blowing. I never in my life dreamed I would be treated and talked to the way I was. Hell, I hadn’t seen anything yet.

After my mother passed, Hannah and I went by mom’s house. It was just the two of us. The house was quiet, no Big Daddy, no Nana to love and dote on Hannah, their first grandchild. One thing I have not mentioned, my mom passed away on Hannah's 15th Birthday. It was so hard for her, when it was supposed to be a happy birthday and one she could get her drivers permit, she lost her Nana. My heart was broken. Hannah asked if she could take some things as remembrance of her Nana. I told her, no. I said I don’t want to take anything out of the house until I walk through with my older sister. Even then, I tried to do the right thing. Well after the funeral, instead of us taking what we wanted, they were going to have an estate sell. I listed what I wanted and my older sister listed what she wanted and the man who was doing the estate sell put dollar values on our different items. I shit you not, every item I wanted was tremendously higher valued than similar items my sister desired. I was told I could not take anything with out paying for it. When paying for it, they meant deduct it from what little inheritance I was due to receive. The only item I truly wanted, was the Les Paul Gibson guitar that was mad fathers. It had been promised to me since I was a child. Thing was, that along with every bit of my mother’s jewelry was taken from the house. It was taken by my older sister and her and Tammy said that my mom wanted to take it and to keep me from getting it. I find that very hard to believe, but so be it. My issue was, they didn’t “charge” my older sister for those items. My older sister’s daughter came to my mother’s funeral wearing her jewelry. My daughter, the first-born grandchild, the closest of all grandchildren to my parents was robbed of receiving anything sentimental. Just as my son was robbed of his grandfather’s fire dept helmet years prior. It was sickening, absolutely sickening.

It only got worse from there. I called Rainbow Omega to schedule a time to go visit my sister Lindsay, I was informed that Tammy had made it where I could only have supervised visitation with Lindsay and I was not allowed to take Lindsay off the property to go eat dinner like we had done previously. Talk about stabbing someone in the heart. What the fuck? I was like are you serious? I am the one who was responsible for getting Lindsay in there to begin with. It was a few years after that, I received a phone call from Lindsay. Lindsay never made phone calls, but they said she wanted speak to me. I was so happy; it meant a lot to me. So shortly after that call, Hannah and Abram were over and we all wanted to call Lindsay and talk to her. I called, I was informed that, “per Tammy and Jonna, Lindsay is not allowed to speak to you on the phone”. Talk about having your soul ripped out. Embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed, these were all the feelings I felt and my daughter Hannah was completely livid. For the first time, I think she saw how they were treating me. No one, no one should ever be treated that way. Especially from family. I have asked Tammy multiple times to see Lindsay on Christmas, which is Lindsay’s birthday! Never once has it happened. I have asked to take Lindsay on a family vacation to the beach, nope, can’t happen. Yet my older sister gets Lindsay on Christmas, takes her on vacations that the estate pays for. I never once asked for money to take Lindsay to the beach. Christmas time, my older sister’s kids get presents from Lindsay, not my kids. I know for a fact, if my parents are witnessing these events from where ever they are, they are horrified. I know my father for one is turning over in his grave.

Needless to say, I was screwed out of the money from the sale of some family land. Land that I didn’t want to sell, but out of being a peacemaker, I agreed. I actually brought the buyer to the table and saved the estate real estate commission fees and they still fucked me for the tune of $36,000. At the time, I was so distraught, I didn’t know, I just went with things. I told you that I paid over $40.000 back to my mother for the $100,000 she loaned me. Well, they ended up giving $1500 to my kids. The old, outdated will stated that I was to get $50,000 and each one of my kids would receive $25,000 each. In the event I had not paid off that loan, that was to be deducted and my kids would receive their money first and then what was left owed to me, I would receive. Thankfully, if not for anything more than to prove I am not a liar, I was able to show where I had cancelled checks totally over $40,000. That money should have gone to my children, right? Wrong. They added interest and some fancy accounting and decided to give my children $1500 total, between the two of them. Their justification was that my mother had two bonds, each one totally $25,000 each and had each one of my children as the beneficiary to them. The thing about that is, that takes precedence over the will. It was not even a part of the will. They thought since my kids were getting that money, they didn’t deserve the other. I would have been better off not paying a fucking dime to my mother. Just with those two transactions, the sale of the family land and the loan amount, I was screwed out of over $76,000. Then you think about the items I had to pay for that my older sister did not, it is sad.

With all of this, I pretty much stopped speaking to my older sister. I did try one time a few years after my mom had passed to see my older sister. Abram and I were coming back from the beach and I stopped by to see they had a nice, new, big house and that was the last time I spoke to my sister for many, many years. Until I get word that her husband died a few months ago. Hannah, Abram and myself went to the funeral. I tried to be there for my sister, but she put forth no effort. Now, I made it where I will not hear from her again. I know my father would have gone to the funeral if he were in my shoes, so I did what I felt was right. Like I tell my kids, you’re never wrong doing right.

Time, they say, heals all wounds. I am not sure there is enough time left in my life to heal the wounds that have been created by this family. I know a lot of this is due to the fact that I was adopted. I was never a “true” Vinsant. I didn’t look the same as the others, didn’t act the same. So here I am, alone. No family. None left from the two people who adopted me and loved me and none from my biological side. Well, maybe that is not 100% accurate! I just do not have family that I grew up with. Not one time has anyone cousin or my aunts asked me to come over for Christmas or Thanksgiving. They don’t call and ask how I am doing, how are my kids. Nothing. The so called “Christians” they are. Judgmental fucks.

This is the hardest thing in my life. I don’t belong to the family that adopted me and I certainly don’t belong to my biological family. Which, I did reach out to once my mother passed away. I had to learn who I was and where I came from. That brings me to my next chapter.