Pacifier and a Farmers Market

Particularly cloudy was this Saturday, though a few rays of sunshine broke through the tall window, dancing their way across the room. Their home was modern, and to the naked eye, would seem as though they’d spend a fortune on the finest décor money could buy. The truth of the matter was, Eve was truly gifted at bargain shopping and crafting.

Today was her usually day for perusing the markets, though she was feeling no desire to venture out. As a matter of fact, she was finding quite the home on her grey couch as of late, staring at the clouds and thinking...

“Honey, you’ve got to get up and do something,” said her loving husband, Matthew. “You can’t keep letting it eat at you like this.”

They’d been trying for years, but time after time, book after book, prayer after prayer, and doctors appointment after doctors appointment, all proved to be unsuccessful. It wore on them both, though Eve’s heart was heavy for a child in a way that had been affecting every bit of her person. However, Steve dealt with his emotions differently.

Emotionally, she was growing weary and numb. Mentally, her thoughts were mainly directed towards hopelessness and the grey clouds outside their third story apartment. Physically, she’d been wearing the same brown sweater for weeks, her hair could nest a robin family, and her diet consisted of potato chips and earl grey tea.

“Honey, you’re sweet, but this couch needs me. Without me, it would feel useless, and we wouldn’t want anything feeling useless, now would we?” She shoved the pillow into her face with both hands and spontaneously combusted into a blubbering ball of depression. The episode passed after a moment or two as she traded the pillow for the box of tissues she recently had been keeping handy next to the couch. The passive aggressive comments were growing in intensity, along with her sarcasm. Though, her sarcasm was not the sort of that incited playful laughter.

“That’s it,” Matthew tossed his keys back into the bowl and hung his jacket back up. He threw up his hands, gesturing for Eve to get off the couch. “Let’s go.” She turned her heavy head away from the window and towards her exasperated husband.

“Go where?,” she spoke at a level barely above a whisper.

“Well, it’s Saturday, the weather is fair, and the office doesn’t need me today. We’re going to the farmers market. You can make that butternut squash soup you’re always going on about for dinner tonight.”

She rose from the couch with a moan, mainly because she was out of tea and really needed to use the toilet. Sliding into her house slippers, she clunked her empty tea cup carelessly on the granite island and shuffled her way to the restroom with slumped shoulders.

Matthew wasted no time. As soon as he heard the bathroom door shut, he plopped himself down on the black wrought iron barstool, dropped his face in his hands, and sobbed. He only let her see him cry once in a while, and days when she was already feeling low were not among those particular moments. The chaos of events recently combined with the impact this whole year had been having on Eve took it’s own toll on him. Not to mention, he wanted to be a father nearly as much as she wanted to be a mother.

What was he to do? Comforting her with ridiculous phrases only went so far. ‘There, there, it’s all going to be ok,’ ‘everything works out in its own time...’ Rubbish! They did no more for her than they did for him. He felt like a complete failure seeing as how he was entirely unable to give his loving wife the one thing she’d wanted, outside of a happy and healthy marriage, of course.

A baby! A child! A small treasure for her to care for in her own special Eve sort of way. Matthew knew she’d be the best mother one could ask for, if only she had a chance. The thing that wracked their brains was that they were both healthy people. Why was this happening? Had they done something to deserve this? One thing he knew, he had to be strong for her.

The bathroom door opened with a slow creak and Matthew quickly wiped his face free of tears and jumped up from his seat to walk around the living room as if nothing happened.

She stepped out into the room and threw her hands up as she presented herself in defeat. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go.” Mumbled Eve in a huff of reluctance.

Matthew turned towards his bride, only to gaze upon her with absolute astonishment. “Oh!,” he blurted out. It was difficult for him to put any of his thoughts into words that would uplift her. All he could think of was how the only thing she looked ‘ready’ for, was maybe a slumber party with girlfriends, a bottle of wine, and maybe a sad book.

Eve’s eyebrows slanted inward in a burning glare that said, ‘don’t you dare say what you’re about to say.’ Her face said it, and he heard it, loud and clear.

“And going we shall!” He turned and waved her on to the door, giving her a kiss on the forehead as she walked on ahead of him. She was already to the elevator when he closed the door behind him and breathed a colossal sigh of, ‘here we go.’

The market was a fair distance that typically called for driving, but wasn’t always necessary.

“It’s a gorgeous day today, my love. I thought we’d walk to the market and enjoy the scenery.” Matthew mentioned, anticipating some sort of audible response. All he got in return were some crickets and a shoulder shrug.

Eve knew inside of herself that she needed to enjoy this day. She needed it for herself, but also for Matthew. He'd been trying so hard to make sure her well being was looked after in the most tender ways. Occasionally, his ways were quite annoying, like the time last month when he thought he would go outside the box to cheer her up and decided to throw her a half-birthday party. To his credit, he came at it with both guns blazing. She came home from him sending her off to get her hair done, only to find the house full of streamers, ridiculously childish decorations, punch, and a few of their closest friends. However, wouldn't you know it, as soon as they shouted, "Happy half-birthday," and blew their kazoos and popped their poppers, all she could think about was celebrating the birth of a child, and ran to the bathroom in tears.

She took hold of Matthew's hand, looked at him with gentle eyes, and smiled. No words were spoken, but he heard everything that he needed to hear in that particular moment; 'I love you.' He smiled back, kissed her forehead, and neither of them spoke a word the entire walk to the farmers market. The birds chirped, squirrels scampered, the air held the perfect amount of crispness, and, best of all, the leaves were changing.

When they arrived at the market, Eve realized she'd neglected to bring one of her reusable canvas bags, which instantly struck a nerve, because she was certain they were going to charge her for another. However, the lady with the fresh perm at the entryway table kindly gave her a new one with a smile. Eve needed that.

Matthew's heart was glad that his bride seemed to be enjoying herself. They brainstormed a fun dish for dinner and turned to make a trip down the aisle with all the vibrantly colored bell peppers. They'd barely made it past the eggplants when Eve noticed a dirty, odd shaped something being kicked around on the ground. She knelt down to take a closer look, only to realize it was a infants pacifier. She immediately picked it up and began scanning the crowd for any viable candidates to whom it could belong.

She noticed a blonde woman who seemed to be around her age not too far in front of them, who appeared to be holding something in front of her. A baby? Eve thought to herself.

"Excuse me ma'am!," Eve shouted, as she hurried over to the woman. "Excuse me," she gave one last attempt as she got closer to the woman, and tapped her shoulder, only to find that the 'baby' sized object being carried was simply a large bag of fresh veggies.

The blonde lady stopped and turned. "Oh, I'm so sorry," Eve said genuinely. I thought you were holding a baby, and I found this on the ground and wanted to see if it was yours." Eve opened her hand to reveal the pacifier in her palm.

Instantly upon the word 'baby' the woman scoffed. "Absolutely not! Who has time for one of those!," she fired back, and turned to walk off.

Eve stood in shock. Matthew was still walking up from where Eve had initially found the pacifier, but he heard enough.

"Honey," he took her by the shoulders. Eve was rigid as a board, her eyes fixed on something known only to her. Immediately, he knew the trip to the market was over. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's go home." Eve went along with his guidance, but remained stiff with a face that was both blank, but not nearly lacking expression.

The whole way home she held that dirty pacifier in her hand, thinking to herself how nasty that woman was. How ungrateful! How arrogant! Who wouldn't want a child of their own! The argument inside Eve's head was both loud and relentless. Every few minutes Steve would feel her tense up as she clenched her fist around the pacifier.

They arrived at home roughly ten minutes quicker than their trip to the market. Things simply weren't sitting well with Eve. She and Matthew sat on the couch together, but as soon as her butt hit the cushion she shot right back up and began pacing back and forth in the living room while he decided what movie to put on. He knew she needed to rant, which he had no problem in letting her do, nor did he mind listening. However, he also knew that when she was done she would need something to take her mind off this pacifier situation. "Something just has to be done about this!," she shouted, bringing all her excitement to a screeching halt.

"I agree, honey. For now, let's relax and watch a movie." It seemed as though he wasn't listening to her rant, but he was. His wife simply couldn't stand the thought of people out in the world that couldn't stand the thought of children. Let alone people who'd willingly give them up. The thought also occurred to her that some may not be able to. What her lively marching about and arm waving really boiled down to was there were children in this vast world who had no one to care for them. She tried to watch the movie in peace, but she kept staring at that filthy pacifier - a symbol of what she'd been missing the most.

The two fell asleep on the couch and both woke up with horrendous cricks in their necks. They went about the morning mostly in silence. Every so often they would catch each others' gaze and offer one another soft smiles of understanding. They both had been through so much in their own way, and the previous days' events didn't help much. In the grand scheme of things, nothing had changed really. But, oh, had so much changed. Steve and his wife both knew what had to be done.

The weeks and months passed the same as the rest. Book after book, prayer after prayer, doctors appointment after doctors appointment - they never gave up, and they never stopped trying. Until one day, the phone rang. A conversation that would change their lives in ways they couldn't have imagined, soon led them to a cold hospital room.

Five years later, Matthew and Eve were gathered around the table with several of their closest friends and their many children, singing happy birthday. Eve sat at the table with a glowing smile on her face. Normally, she didn't care for celebrating her birthday, but lately she didn't mind at all.

"Happy birthday dear Eve and Hannah. Happy birthday to you!" Everyone clapped, but all Eve could do was stare at her precious Hannah, smiling and overjoyed that all these people would come to celebrate her life.

Hannah blew out the candles and the cake was eaten - with Neapolitan ice cream, of course. Poppers were popped, games were played, presents were opened, and that night after saying goodbye to all their friends, Mathew, Eve, and Hannah were so worn out that all three of them plopped on the giant grey couch in utter exhaustion, Hannah in the middle, obviously.

Hannah looked side to side at each of her parents. Her small and precious life was jam packed with joy, and she was without question glad to have parents who loved her. But little did she know the weight of the roll she played in their lives, bringing hope, joy, happiness, and meaning to a husband and wife who desperately wanted a child of their own.

As the evening grew longer, heads got heavy, and eyes got droopy. Hannah laid her cannonball-like head down on Eve's lap and took a large sigh of relief and comfort. Eve stroked Hannah's hair behind her ears, thinking back to that day in the cold hospital room; her and Matthew watching and waiting anxiously for Hannah to be born, knowing that this moment would change all three of their lives in some of the most incredible ways for a lifetime to come.