Ocean Calling

THE BASS SRAIT

I needed air.

So I did what I’d always done since I was a child and went walkabout.

I packed my car and left for the Bass Strait - St Andrews Victoria.

I found a quiet place out on the dunes to set up a tent.

I’d never seen the open sea before. I can still remember the first time I heard her roar. Her cracking waves and sheer power evoked a most powerful sense of awe and reverence inside me.

There’s something sacred about the ocean. It's in the raw power of her tide; how she mesmerises and pulls inwardly at your soul so that you want to become a part of her and be made whole and clean.

I remember the first week…

walking the endless shore at dawn

my fractured soul was listening

the sounds

the smells

the dry taste of salt air, the ancient sand stuck in my hair

icy water on my skin

gently loosening all my dirt

I wanted her to take me in

I wanted to die there

and become a part of her - to that familiar silence, before time began…

that sacred language without words, knowledge or judgement.

I had thoughts of letting the Bass Strait take me.

However deep within my soul I knew that I hadn’t come this far to give up my life.

There was something unimaginably beautiful coming upon the horizon and I’d have to fight with all I I had to discover it.

That first week quickly turned into a month. I’d been isolated from the world and had no idea that a deadly SARS virus (Covid-19) was spreading around the globe and had hit Australian shores and very soon - people would strangly be isolating from each other?

Was this all the more reason to stay out there?

One morning I went for a really long walk along the shore up to Cape Shank. Along the way I swam in rock pools and observed all kinds of amazing wildlife, corals, shells and rock formations that had been sculpted patiently over time.

In that state of awe and gratitude, my heart melted like wax and a fountain of tears burst out. I cried like a baby and all those years of failure, rejection and hurt somehow disappeared in an instant and I couldn't help but fall to my knees like a little boy and cry out…

- ‘What do you want from me Abba?’

- ‘What do you want me to do?’

Then came a soft voice - clear and distinct saying,

‘Sell your car and buy a dog’.

A dog?

I’d worked hard to save up for that car!

Surely the ocean was sending me mad?

That evening I walked back to my tent feeling peace, with all my senses heightened.

The next day I drove down to the Rosebud community centre for a food parcel.

When I was talking with the volunteer I asked her if she knew anyone who was struggling that might need a car for $500? When she asked why I wanted to sell it so cheap I explained that I really wanted to get a dog! One of the interns who was present in the conversation said her friend recently adopted a dog from the local RSPCA animal shelter. She left the room and got on their website and searched for any available dogs. Once I received my supplies I headed to the office where the intern showed me the dogs that were available for adoption. There were several different breeds at different ages with various histories.

But the intern was really impressed by one - a Staffy cross named Bob!

The webpage showed a mugshot and gave a brief character description. He was only 18 months, extremely playful, energetic but with several behavioural issues. The description said that he would not suit a family household with kids and that he needed lots of exercise and professional training and discipline and was definitely not to be mixed with other animals or dogs as he had a history of biting.

He really did look mischievous and sounded like a real challenge.

I knew Bob and I were the perfect match!

Straight away I rang from the office to ask if I could come see him. I made the appointment for the next day. I drove down the next morning feeling unsure about what I was doing.

I entered the adoption office and asked to see Bob. They asked me a few questions about the property I lived on. Would Bob be safely restrained with proper fencing etc? Were there any kids or other dogs on the property?

I gave the appropriate answers.

A young woman then led me through a series of walkways with caged dogs on each side.

Most of them were barking or howling mad. It was hard to look at them. They’d all been abandoned. Many of them were scarred with broken trust from mistreatment. It felt like I was taking a walk back through prison. I could feel their pain; the stress and fear of their own uncertainty. You could see it in their eyes. I'd seen it before in my own eyes and in many others on my journey.

The lady introduced us through the cage. Bob didn't even acknowledge me. He just wanted to get out for his daily run in the yard. The woman explained that Bob was a very strong dog and required a good harness and firm grip when being walked. She emphasised that if I adopted him, never to walk him off leash!

She unlocked the cage and carefully entered, using food treats to calm him down and get his focus.

I observed him carefully as she placed a lead on him and walked him out to the yard.

Bob was a real beauty!

He had a reddy brown short coat and was exceptionally muscular with cropped ears and a strong jaw. He totally ignored me in the yard, far too interested in all the other smells and stains that his fellow inmates had left throughout the exercise yard.

The woman kept trying to lure him over to us so I could properly inspect him, but Bob was wild and untamed and just ignored her - he was perfect!

I had no idea where I was going or what my future was going to be. But from the moment I laid my eyes on Bob - I knew instinctively that he was going to be with me on the journey.

It was our destiny.

Bob would cost $400.

I rang my dad and asked him for $500 in exchange for my car.

He said I was making a mistake but transferred the money the next day.

I went to the animal shelter and collected my new mate.

As I led him out to my car I could tell he was extremely excited to be getting out of that cage. I knew the exact feeling! I had the rear windows down and Bob had his big head sticking out sucking up the freedom of all the smells in the morning air.

It was the first time I’d seen his golden smile.

I dropped the car off to dad and he drove us back up to the ocean.

When Bob first saw it (ocean) he was in awe just like I was. I could tell he’d never smelt, seen or heard anything like it. I wish I could have captured the look on his face. We spent the first couple of weeks getting to know each other.

I kept him on a real tight leash until we had each other’s trust.

If he misbehaved or did something dangerous I’d give him a quick hard jab on the scruff of his neck like dogs do when their pups are out of line.

He quickly understood his place.

At night I noticed that Bob frequently had nightmares. He would yelp and growl every night and his body would twitch in spasms. Whenever it woke me up I’d pray for his peace to return and then gently wake him and remind him that he was with me.

We spent weeks walking and communicating in our own way.

We learnt one another's mannerisms and body language.

His curiosity was inspiring, his playfulness refreshing.

Spending those precious weeks together somehow revived an adventurous spirit within me and I noticed an old spark coming back to life - that young boy I was longing to find again after all those difficult years spent trying to be an adult.

One morning I woke up and needed to access my bank account. I had to buy more food and the nearest bank was over 30 km's away in Mornington.

I packed a small bag and began the journey leaving everything else behind in the tent on the dunes.

It took us 2 days to get down there. We camped half way along the shore in a small coastal town called Mcray. That night was cold as we had no shelter or blankets. I had to make a fire out of the dried up coastal banksia branches. They didn't burn too well.

We cuddled up tight that night.

It was a rough sleep.

The next day after another arduous walk, we finally arrived in Mornington.

Bob certainly was a fit dog. He was really inspiring me to become fit!

After I got my money I knew that we had to travel all the way back to St Andrews. My feet were severely blistered so we spent another restless night in the elements without shelter.

I was becoming exhausted.

I rang an old friend and asked her to pick us up.

She came later that afternoon but refused to drive us all the way back to St Andrews. So we travelled back with her to Melbourne, leaving my tent and all its contents behind on the dunes.

SUBURBIA

My friend dropped us off along the bay in St Kilda where Bob and I stayed another night in the elements.

The Covid virus was spreading throughout Melbourne by this stage and people were becoming afraid. Everyone was asked to wear masks and sign in digitally on their smartphones wherever they went.

There was a heaviness coming over the city and I could feel it.

I think we both did?

It was stressful!

One afternoon I purchased some takeaway food for our dinner. On the way back to our tent a woman and her dog were approaching us.

As her dog came within striking distance, without any warning Bob suddenly latched onto its head and locked on tight. I immediately tried everything to force it open, even punching him in the face as hard as I could. The lady was screaming hysterically which only heightened Bob's resolve not to let go. Her poor dog was yelping, there was blood dripping everywhere and in that moment I realised that I was most likely going to lose Bob that day.

I instinctively started choking him by the throat, squeezing as hard as I could. After maybe ten seconds he let go gasping for air. He released the dog and I put all my weight on Bob to keep him down.

We were all in shock.

There were onlookers everywhere. I wanted to flee with him and get him to safety but there were too many witnesses. People were pointing at us giving us filthy looks. The woman's boyfriend was soon at the scene taking photos of Bob and his dog for evidence. His girlfriend was understandably inconsolable.

The police soon arrived and they grabbed me aside and took my details. They ran a background check and immediately learnt who I was and that I had a criminal record.

I sat against the brick wall looking at Bob. He was calm as a cucumber, totally oblivious to the danger he was in, sniffing around looking for the takeaway food that’d been spilt in the carnage. I let him eat up the pieces of meat on the ground realising it was probably going to be his last meal.

I curled up behind a bush where no one could see me and started balling my eyes out.

I assumed police would call the local dog pound to take Bob to be euthanised as a dangerous animal, however the officer explained that due to the current Covid situation they didn't have the time to deal with it and that we should work it out on our own as a civil matter.

When the police and all the onlookers booted off and we all calmed down, the couple graciously agreed to let us go on the premise that we do the right thing and keep Bob muzzled and pay for all the vet expenses.

I was overwhelmed by this beautiful act of mercy.

And I'll always be grateful to them.

I quietly made a vow to myself to honour our agreement, muzzle Bob and pay the last cent no matter how badly I needed the money.

That night I felt that I was choking again in the city.

It was for Bob's and my own preservation that we got out that day.

We needed air!

THE FOREST

There's a beautiful place in Victoria known as the Dandenong ranges. It is without doubt my favourite part of Victoria. The closest most accessible part of this pristine landscape is Belgrave. There's a local train service that goes up there. I had spent a lot of time walking and camping on the trails over the years, attracted to the cool climate, the rich mountain air and all the diverse flora and fauna, particularly the families of giant eucalyptus trees and wattles and all the native parrots.

We headed up to those hills mid autumn.

And after our first night, breathing in the cold air, I sensed that it was going to be an extremely rough winter and that I would have to be prepared both mentally and physically for what was coming.

Bob was instinctively cautious and vigilant in the forest.

Especially at night.

I watched him carefully.

He taught me how to be present and really listen to the forest.

He was an excellent guard dog, always letting me know whenever something was getting too close to camp!

He loved fire! I think he understood its purpose and he was mesmerised by its charm and warm glow in the dark.

Walking those trails with Bob and overcoming the challenges of each day really helped us bond emotionally. We walked as one unit as though we were both intrinsically connected to one another and more importantly to the forest!

We’d made a natural shelter with bark and branches and used an old tarp we found in an alleyway in Belgrave to cover and protect it from the rain.

There was an abundance of wildlife and fresh clean water. After several weeks I felt a strong connection with everything around me, instilling a real high. I'd taken heaps of drugs over the years, but this connection with the forest evoked a far more ancient and sustainable high.

It was something primal, authentic and purely divine.

Despite the challenges of the elements, the days were amazing!

However there were many rough and cold nights at minus 2 degrees where everything got so wet from the rain and dampness that it was impossible to sleep. Bob and I would just cuddle up to each other shivering some nights, waiting for the kookaburras to announce the return of that precious sunlight.

And when it finally came - We would worship and praise the creator along with all the other creatures in that forest for another chance at life.

It's profound what we forget to be thankful for sometimes in the city.

Whenever we needed supplies and had to go back into town, people would stare and frown at us as though we were not welcome. More and more people were wearing masks. Things were becoming more and more surreal as time passed.

Many shop owners ignored me and were rude or abrupt?

But on occasion though there were some kind folk in Belgrave; particularly from the library and local relief centre. They were all down to earth people who would greet you with a smile and treat you equally with compassion and without judgement.

These are the warm souls that I particularly like to remember today, some of whom we're still in contact with.

Bob always sensed the energy of kind and compassionate people and he always reacted with excitement and that beautiful loving smile. Whenever I saw this in Bob I knew that those people were ok - he was a good teacher!

We must've spent three unforgettable months in that forest.

We walked the trails daily. There was so much to see and explore. I literally forgot about time. It was just sunrise to sunset where everything in between and beyond was simply existing.

I remember sitting by the flowing water one perfect morning reading a psalm from the scriptures. The light was being filtered through the canopy, reaching the forest floor, ever so gently, highlighting all the different shades and wonders of creation; all the creatures around us were a symphony of busy communication - it was an exquisite universal language that spoke deeply to the soul, a language I fear that mankind has forgotten - the verse read:

‘Be still and know that I am’.

I looked down at Bob, the light on his face, his eyes full of wisdom, his presence radiating a perfect sense of wholeness and completion - and I broke down like a little boy again and felt my soul groaning and yearning to depart from my wretched body and just become one with everything around me.

Bob looked up at me with a smile and was not at all discomforted by my groaning or tears as I wept and quivered. He intuitively knew where I was at within that moment, that it was part of the process.

He gave me the most reassuring look of love and compassion and I felt his spirit say to mine - ‘it's gonna be fine dad - we're gonna make it!

There was absolutely no fear of anything after this. It was just a perfect sense of love, peace and completeness. I wanted to die right there - not because I was sad, by no means! But because I had lost the desire for everything I’d ever been taught to desire.

Everything I had learnt, I suddenly knew would have to be unlearnt.

I didn't want to be in my mind nor my body anymore.

It was the most beautiful feeling, realising just how little I knew and everything that I thought I once knew was false.

Whatever was in front of me out on the horizon - that calling or pulling I’d felt within my soul at the ocean - was calling me again - becoming stronger in me! The more I was away from people and the world - the stronger I could feel its pull?

Be still and know that I am!

I rarely used my phone as there was no one I wanted to call or hear from.

I threw away my socks and shoes because it was too wet and muddy. Feeling the mud and soft clays beneath my feet did something special inside me. It was as if all the goodness of the forest was being absorbed up through my pores and into my bloodstream. My toenails and fingernails were full of cuts and dirt. I had no soaps, deodorants or shampoos.

The world outside the forest was becoming more and more vigilant and sterilised from bacterias with all the washing and cleaning and the defence of masks and hand sanitizers whilst Bob and I were becoming more and more unclean and dirty; exposed to bacterias, parasites, smells, mosses and fungus, mud, clays, insects and bites.

I've always felt rejected by people in the world.

But out here - there was an unconditional sense of acceptance and love!

For the first time in my life I understood deeply that I didn't need human approval or acceptance to feel love, contentment and inner peace. It was extremely liberating!

Over time, all the animals came to know us. They weren't afraid of us like they were in the beginning. They allowed us closer and closer into their personal territories without it being an issue and they also came closer and closer into our territory and our hearts.

Everything was perfect here.

I never wanted to leave.

However people like to talk and gossip.

Many people came across Bob and I along the trails and they saw us in the township. Rumours began to spread about a bum and his dog living in the forest.

One morning we came across a couple walking through the trail and the woman told me off ‘saying you can’t have dogs out here you dickhead- they're not good for the wildlife! I could see her and her man were getting angry about it! It actually happened a few times with the locals.

There's a tremendous irony in that when I consider how over the years man had carved out a massive railway line (puffing billy) through the forest and constructed roads and houses all through it, destroying countless pockets of little ecosystems and habitats and homes for countless wildlife. Then they introduced foxes, deer and pig for hunting which did even more damage?

And the same sovereign governments that initiated all this destruction decide to make a law that a homeless fella living peacefully in the forest for a season was forbidden to have his beloved dog with him during the height of a pandemic?

I thought about the indigineous Australians and the anger they too were carrying.

And I just shut my mouth and kept walking.

Soon complaints were made to the National Park Rangers and they came looking for us.

They gracefully evicted us without a fine and moved us on.

EXILES OF MADNESS

Bob and I were back on the streets again.

We found an old abandoned building in the heart of Belgrave. It was actually quite cosy once I cleaned up all the rubbish in it. I found a heap of old car seats and cushions to make a soft bed. There was a tap with water and even power which in retrospect wasn't necessarily a good thing as I found myself desiring all those comforts, items and gadgets that the world told me that I couldn't live without!

Seeing all the masked people and hearing all the noise back on the streets was offensive.

Loud cars, horns, sirens and alarms - it initially smothered the light and silenced the boy in me. Seeing people regularly again and feeling their stress, stares and overhearing their conversations made me ill.

I had to become an adult again.

After the first month on the street I'd quickly become depressed and angry.

I started drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes again.

I thought about drugs for the first time in ages.

Everywhere I went people were telling me to put a mask on and sanitise my hands before I entered their stores or sat on their tables and chairs.

I tried to engage with people and be kind and loving.

But most of them just shut me down and didn't even want to be seen talking to me?

Everyday I went out of my squat- ambulances and police cars would put on their sirens, but drive past really slow? It made me wonder what the emergency was?

At the same time, people on the streets were looking at us laughing?

It was as though I was experiencing some strange transition through a very real living hell.

I questioned my own sanity in those times, but now in retrospect, I see clearly how it was never my sanity that needed questioning!

All around me I observed people on their phones, frantically checking updates, checking in at strange posters that the government had put up at every shop, corner, carriage and precinct.

I felt an utter sense of despair and heaviness.

It was as though mankind and everything they had created was sucking the life out of me again!

I reconnected with some family members by phone and shared our adventure in the elements.

They all told me that this kind of life wasnt sustainable and that I really needed to get work and find a stable place to live if not for my sake, but for Bob's!

The little boy in me was being shut down and began to grieve!

The weeks on the streets got tougher and more miserable.

But every step I took Bob was right beside me.

He became my right arm.

Every night i spent crying, Bob was there licking the tears off my face.

I just wanted to go retreat back into the forest.

I cried out again...

'What shall I do Abba?'

And the answer quickly came.

'Find a job and trust me'.

So I did.

I began working at a local garden supplies doing deliveries.

I made a condition that Bob came with me in the truck.

He loved every minute of it!

Some days I worked 12 hours straight for very littel cash.

I hired a dog sitter named Sandra to babysit Bob on those days.

Bob and I faced all kinds of challenges for the next 6 months trying to get out of that filthy squat. I dont feel its important that I go into detail regarding those challenges.

During my 10 months of homelessness with Bob there were no doubt many hardships.

Life sometimes tries hard to steal your peace and light and silence the boy with various trials.

And today I thank 'Abba Yah' for these trials.

I thank Him for all the tough days and impossible nights when thoughts of lonliness, depression and temptation would creep in and there was no one there to talk to but Bob.

Its in these tough times, when we're completely on the edge of despair when we realise who we truly are, and where our strengths and weaknesses lye.

It was in these tough times in nature with Bob that I rediscovered faith hope and love.

I once ran away from trials and challenges- but now I'm hungry for them...

Because I know that once they pass (and they ALWAYS do) - there are three truths that always remain constant in a dark world of chaos and deception.

1) Creation will always bring us back to light and truth.

2) Divine love is far superior to human love.

3) And Divine mercy and love always trumps human judgement and hatred.

PRESENT DAY

Two years on Bob and I are now working 'running our own cleaning business' and renting our own house with a massive backyard ten minutes away from the beach in Parkdale Victoria.

We go down there for a run and a swim every morning before work. The covid thing here in Melbourne is still lingering.

When I walk the streets here in the suburbs, I've learnt to still feel that special connection with creation. There are still pockets of the Creators beauty here in the suburbs. There's still wildlife to be observed and learnt from.

The ancient language that I wrote about is still being spoken here in this filthy construct that mankind has erected; amidst all the traffic, horns, sirens and carbon monoxide; within the confining perimetres of apartment blocks and small retail outlets; along the freeways and down the alleyways… that quiet inner voice is still speaking to us all - I'll admit it's a lot harder to hear that voice in the suburbs - but it speaks the clearest when we humble ourselves like a child and realise that we know nothing and desperately need our ‘Abba’ to guide us.

When I said at the beginning that there was something unimaginably beautiful waiting for me upon the horizon, and that I'd have to fight to find it?

... just know that I found the little bugger!

As for Bob!

I have to say that our Creator certainly works in mysterious ways.

And if ever I've had a true encounter with an Angel from Heaven - it was with Bob.

This dog has helped me heal from wounds and addictions I thought could never be healed. He's shown me unconditional love, loyalty, trust and respect - qualities that no man or woman could match.

When I met Bob, I never realised just how alike we both were.

We both had massive behavioural issues. We were both put in cages. We were both rejected. We both liked to bite and hurt others.

I don't believe I would've made it if we didn't find one another!

That dog saved my life by pulling me out of a dark hole.

I'm glad I listened to Abba's voice that day on the ocean shore!

Today Bob is fully socialised with other dogs and plays at the dog park (unmuzzled and unleashed) without any aggression or retaliation to macho dogs.

And I follow Bob's example today with people!

He teaches me so much about how to live my life.

I made a promise to Bob that if he died before me, I'd bury him out in the forest in Belgrave.

But our adventure still isnt over!

There's a bucket load of unleashed adventures yet to come!

That I am sure of.