Raw to Remix- 53 & Me

The crows have landed, I see imperfection. Fifty times around the sun plus three more to rub my nose in it. Love yourself, they say, age with grace. But celebrities don't, so why should I? Botox and fillers- a facelift will do. Don't take age lying down, invoke skin resurrection. "You look good for your age." What the hell does that mean? Under eye bags, a deep forehead wrinkle leaves no secrets on my face. Social media spites me and forwardly invites me: To challenge Father Time with "Yeah, I'm about to get mine." Creams, potions, and diet, already tried it. So, I'm about to go in for hand assisted fixes and take a page from the famous. If you ask me later, know I denied it. This is all natural, don't you see; me at 53!

Yes, yes, I realize the above notion is ridiculous; at least the level-headed version of myself knows.

But the emotional, insecure side, the side that entertains celebrity testimonials and reviews from so-called "miracle products" can't help herself. After all, who doesn't want to turn back the hand of time a little and indulge in the fresh firm glo of youth's past?

A magickal cream or potion or botox, nip & tuck.

Guilty, I am of thoughts, but procedures, No, I haven't had any.

I've seen botched work, women looking almost inhuman, dare I say, and permanent damage all at the cost of what comes down to vanity imposed by a notion that older equals unattractive.

Sigh...

The little ditty above is a snippet from a would-be article written during moments of angst when my logical reasoning gives in and fantasies about yesteryear, the woman I once was, face the present me, wondering where all the time went.

Call it a mid-life crisis, call it depression, call it trying to keep up with the Kardashians (well, no, please, don't call it that). Whatever IT is, it's unhealthy, and the wiser gal in me comprehends a much-needed edit is beckoning.

For this Vocal Media Challenge: Self-Editing Epiphany, I aim to go all in and not only edit a writing sample but edit the frame of mind that got me there in the first place.

While creativity calls, an adjusted self-perception keeps nudging my sense of well-being and optimal mental health.

The journey begins

From raw, unfiltered, and unrefined to poised, polished, and presentable

You what time it is.

Time For a Remix

I am going to turn the above sample into a poem.

My poetic, free-style ramblings reflect the very real struggle I've encountered since turning fifty. The tango between glimpses of a self-assured woman and the shadow partner who keeps trying to take the lead, twirling my mind and body into accepting the ideology that I am no longer good enough.

As a dancer in my own right, I am taking back the lead, determined to find a personalized rhythm that works for me.

A down-in-the-dumps literary reflection will get turned on its head editing out not only self-scrutiny but revising a jumbled text turning it into one with promise.

So, I will say it again: for this Vocal Media challenge, I am editing twice.

Getting in the Groove

Typically, I am an early-morning creator so I thought it would be cool to walk you through my routine.

Excuse me for a few minutes while I wash my mug and refill my favorite Glamma mug with another round of Columbia-roasted coffee. What's on my face, you ask? It's a classic and has been a regular part of my beauty regime for over thirty years. I suppose I am a bit old school.

And speaking of old school- well, I'll be right back...

***

A regular fixture of my writing practice involves motivational music to get the noggin in the groove.

While I listen to a wide variety of music, the song featured below takes me back to my senior year in high school. It was a favorite among teen dance clubs and I recall many a fun-filled night with pals jamming to the beat of our youth.

And this song just so happens to feature one of my ex-boyfriends as a backup dancer. Pay attention to the fella wearing the green Nike sweatsuit. That is Russell Smith. Our relationship took place years after this video was filmed, but I can honestly say that thus far in my life, he has been the best romantic venture I ever took a chance on.

Watch the video and groove with me.

With a couple of rounds of coffee and excitement brewing at my fingertips, I know I am almost ready to get down to business, but not before fulfilling an inner urge to visit another artist's work, a creator even closer to home- one of my children.

My daughter Crimson posts hilarious dancing and cleaning videos on TikTok when her baby goes down for a nap. Watching her makes me laugh, recharges any drained creative batteries, and takes me back to my younger days.

Her carefree demeanor, funny faces, and silly antics remind me of myself. To live, love, & laugh, now isn't that what life should really be about?

Laughter is not limited to the young and affording myself a deep belly roll reminds me of the genuinely important things in life.

To be honest, it's a little like looking in the mirror. Figuratively and literally.

Yes, I make a lot of funny faces, too. Never did I think before I would post a photo like the one above of myself, but hey, not everything in life is meant to be taken seriously.

Lighten up, will ya, my inner voice pleads, the voice of the three-year-old who knew nothing of self-shame, or gave a diddly-doo about what other people thought or were doing----BECAUSE I WAS MOST CONTENT BEING SIMPLY WHO I WAS!

Sure, that was fifty years ago, but I remember it all like yesterday and have done a pretty fine job all these years not letting her hand go even in the worst of times.

A little more scrolling, watching my daughter's videos and...

I can help myself no longer- good ol' Marilyn here has snapped out of her little rut, her momentary mind prison where the bars are made up of nothing but lies.

Music and my child have inspired me; two components, two staples of my life that have always been near and dear to my heart.

Lightbulb moment: I have arrived and my typing fingers are ready for the edit.

SO, RIGHT ABOUT NOW...

It's time for the remix.

53 & Me

Crows feet, they've landed

fifty times around the sun-

three more to be exact

"love yourself," she whispers

a younger version of myself

each mile is worth its wear

the crow doesn't bite

bitten, don't be

by societal obstinance

begrudging voices of scrutiny

insisting age be suppressed

Father time is wiser than any elixir

procedure, ointment, or balm

or any face fixer

eye circles and wrinkles

leave no secrets on my face

yet each line leads to memories

a life lived with laughter

(despite much pain)

pause for the cause

those recollections

skin lines to soul lines

I will not erase

truth be told

youth is not what I'm after

it's the feeling I seek

but it's already here

apparent in moments

of heartfelt

subdued only

by social indifference

inference-

best I correct the hating

so I start with myself

revising the rules

implied by the famous

egged on by social media

even snickered about

behind corporate doors

each thought above

I cast out

my right mind ignores

spite me, don't invite me

crouch, crawl, contrite

my life: live, laugh, and love

I'm doing the damn thing right

self-revision equals livin'

living simply as me

what you get is what you see

a deeper dive

says girl, give yourself some credit

fifty-three and me

awesome-

no need for an edit

***

My edit resulted in a free flow off the top of the head poem. Through music and my daughter's creative art, I was instantly pivoted back in time, recalling many moments of joy and laughter. This joy, this laughter brought out the magick in me, the magick that has always been there.

Has turning 50 been an easy transition for me? No, but I believe that a lot of that has to do with societal influence and an outdated ideology about aging women and the ridiculous beauty standards that haunt modern-day humanity.

Thanks for joining me in my little DJ experiment.

Not only was this a fun Vocal Media challenge demonstrating an edit, but an opportunity for self-discovery

Sometimes, rewriting a story is best imposed by editing one's frame of mind.