Bad habits
10 Million Little Things...
When a person has been through so much trauma there comes a point where the mind overthinks every little detail and every little interaction that hasn't become a commonplace occurrence. That too sometimes gets questioned in his or her mind. This is where I found myself this morning when I stepped out of my car to pump gas at my local gas station and a gentleman came strolling up to me but respectfully keeping his distance and said, "Mam, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but you are beautiful." I said thank you and continued pumping my gas as did he. He didn't say anything else to me while we were both going about the business of putting gas into our vehicles but my mind was going a thousand miles a minute from just that simple interaction. "He didn't go behind my car and put a tracker on it when I wasn't looking, did he? No, of course not, I saw him come out of the gas station.", "Am I really that beautiful? No, trust me, you don't want me. I mean if you could just hear me rattling off in my head right now you'd understand why.", "Damaged beyond repair that's what I am. It's best I'm left alone.", I had turned to put my wallet back into my car and my thoughts turned to, "Watch your back. Listen. He may try to attack you." Eventually, we both finished pumping our gas and then he bid me a good day and I did him as well and he left. A simple interaction and yet it brought tears to my eyes. As you've probably figured out by now I don't take compliments from the opposite sex very well anymore. I'm not sure how to perceive them. Are they disguises for something more sinister lying in wait just down the line? Is it a mask used to lure me in? To me, all a compliment from a man spells out is danger. You see, we've been down this path several times before and it always ends badly. I feel like a stray animal that's never been in a loving home before and doesn't understand how to accept love. My parents showed me love in the best way they knew how but to be honest, it was an obscured view as well, and now although I have a good understanding of what love should look like I don't trust that it exists at least not long term. And certainly not for me. When I receive a compliment I know what I should do is receive the compliment, perhaps say something nice back but in my mind, all I can do is look for danger and all I want to do is run. You see what you don't see is the 10 million little thoughts running through my mind, what you don't see is the 10 million ways I've done thought of how you've murdered me and buried my body, what you don't see or realize is the 10 million little things that have led to my PTSD and my trauma ridden mind, what you don't realize is the 10 million battles I've already had to overcome and the last thing I want to do is overcome another one, you don't know the 10 million mountains I've climbed just to get here, you don't see my 10 million little scars do you? You wouldn't I try hard to hide them. I've tried hard to overcome them, to shine despite them but there is one thing that terrifies me still. Please don't be nice to me.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Confessions
I Regret Meeting You in a Night Club
As I sit here alone in the dimly lit room, the memories flood back, engulfing me in a tumultuous sea of emotions. It's been months since that fateful night, but the wounds still feel fresh, raw, as if carved into my very soul. The words echo in my mind like a haunting refrain: "I regret meeting you in the club."
By Kenechukwu Prince Eneasato 2 years ago in Confessions
Letting go of the Past
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past, a lot. On my way to work, during work, after work, at night in my bed, all day long I am thinking of my past. I realize it’s not healthy to dwell on the past. I know it does not help anything to place blame on a childhood. I know all of this and yet my mind keeps going back to the past. The more I remember of my past, the more my present makes sense to me and perhaps this is why I am obsessed with the memories I am recovering. Still, I don't think this new obsession is helping me and so I want to let go of it. Can I let go of my past though?
By Lily2 years ago in Confessions
Africa's Humiliation Donations Continues By Black Africans Poverty Porn
Tuesday, 2 April 2024 By: TB Obwoge UTV News Ghana's Dr. Despite loves sharing items with those in need on his birthday. He also loves showing off those donations as well. What a classy way to give to the needy, sadly and in all honesty if these donations were given by a white person, the way he's doing it, would bring outrage of racism.
By IwriteMywrongs2 years ago in Confessions
"Examining the Comparative Harm: Vaping vs. Smoking - A Look into Their Impact on Health"
In the United States and the United Kingdom, vaping has become a concerning issue, as it has infiltrated the lives of young people. One out of every five high school students in the US currently vapes, while 7% of kids aged 11 to 17 in the UK now engage in this practice. This number has nearly doubled in the last two years, making vaping more popular among young people than smoking cigarettes. However, with the recent news of vape-related deaths among young individuals, it is crucial to question whether vaping is worse than smoking cigarettes.
By Dreamweaver2 years ago in Confessions
How dare you to be different?
We live in a world of conformity, where there are different rules and regulations which govern how people are going to act and be. This conformity is basically in every single aspect of our lives, from your home, to your school, right through your job and even in your circle of friends. In all these places you are going to notice that there are rules which you need to abide by, for example at home even though you have a lot of freedom, there are still things you just can’t do. In the world as well, there is conformity enforced by the government and even society in general.
By real Jema2 years ago in Confessions
Benefits of Women . Content Warning.
Around the world, feminism, a social and political movement that promotes gender equality, has drastically changed the lives of women. Feminism has empowered women and promoted a more just and equitable society by advocating for equal rights, opportunities, and treatment. It is clear from examining the many advantages of feminism for women and society as a whole that its influence extends beyond personal experiences to influence societal change and collective advancement.
By Nouman Yousaf2 years ago in Confessions
Haunted Houses in UK. Content Warning.
Stories of haunted houses dot the spooky terrain of the United Kingdom, captivating the imaginations of many for generations. The UK is home to charming homes and old castles that have a long history of paranormal activity. These eerie residences serve as silent, mysterious, and fascinating witnesses to the past. We examine the spooky stories behind some of the most well-known haunted properties in the UK in this investigation.
By Nouman Yousaf2 years ago in Confessions
Forgive me Father for I Have Sinned
Do you ever just...have those moments where you reflect on all the terrible things you've done in your life? Or re-think social interactions and consider how you acted, say behaved and didn't like who you were then, and question whether you're still that person now? I know us humans are flawed creatures, and sometimes if not more but less than most, we are tainted as well as blessed.
By Rosie J. Sargent2 years ago in Confessions
The Impact of Social Media on Mental Health: Navigating the Digital Age
In today's digitally connected world, social media has become an integral part of our daily lives. From staying in touch with friends and family to accessing news and entertainment, social media platforms offer numerous benefits. However, alongside its perks, there's growing concern about the impact of excessive social media use on mental health. In this article, we'll explore the various ways in which social media influences mental well-being and discuss strategies for navigating the digital age responsibly.
By Fukhara2 years ago in Confessions
Royal Match
Have you ever played a match 3 mobile game? Odds are that if you've ever owned a tablet or smartphone, you have. But, in the very odd chance that you've been living under a rock since 1995 and have never heard of such things, match 3 games are fairly straightforward. They're exactly what they sound like: you have a grid of colorful tiles, which you simply swap to form a chain of three or more of the same tiles in a row. After you make a certain number of matches required to pass a level, you are usually given some kind of reward - coins, gems, etc. - and move on to the next level.
By Natalie Gray2 years ago in Confessions
