The Pompous Post
Bio
Welcome to The Pompous Post.... We specialize in weaponized wit, tactful tastelessness, and unapologetic satire! Think of us as a rogue media outlet powered by caffeine, absurdism, and the relentless pursuit to make sense from nonsense.
Stories (53)
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TECH REVIEW: The Check Engine Light Does Not Mean Your Engine is “On”
At The Pompous Post™, we pride ourselves on keeping our readers informed about the latest technological breakthroughs. Last month we reviewed the cutting-edge “Toaster 2.0,” which can not only toast bread but also your hopes and dreams. This week, we turn our gaze to a truly revolutionary innovation: the Check Engine Light.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
The Secret Lives of Garden Gnomes: What They’re Really Doing When You’re Asleep
For centuries, mankind has slept soundly under the false assumption that their gardens are tranquil places. Quiet sanctuaries of flora, chirping crickets, and maybe a bunny or two, nibbling on carrots. But recent evidence uncovered by The Pompous Post™ investigative team (me, one pair of binoculars, and a suspiciously long summer evening) has revealed the shocking truth: your garden gnomes aren’t innocent ceramic ornaments.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
BREAKING: Nation’s Grandmas Unite, Declare War on “Unsatisfyingly Thin” Restaurant Napkins
A Crisis at the Dinner Table For decades, Americans have tolerated flimsy restaurant napkins that disintegrate at the first sight of soup, shred beneath the weight of barbecue sauce, and provide less absorbency than a damp Kleenex. But no more.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
EXCLUSIVE: Local Man’s Wi-Fi Network “FBI Surveillance Van #4” Finally Gets a Knock on the Door From the Actual FBI
For seven years, residents of a quiet cul-de-sac in Des Moines lived in the shadow of a running gag. It wasn’t a neighborhood watch, or a barking dog, or even the HOA’s obsession with measuring lawn length to the millimeter. No, the source of both pride and suspicion was a Wi-Fi network named “FBI Surveillance Van #4.”
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
The Secret Life of Everyday Gremlins: A Field Guide for the Doomed
Introduction: Welcome to the Chaos For centuries, humanity has blamed bad luck, clumsiness, or “just one of those days” for life’s minor disasters. Lost socks. Dropped calls. Popcorn that smells like a Viking funeral. But the truth is far stranger, and far more sinister: Gremlins.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
How to Survive a Family Road Trip Without Turning Into a Cryptid
There comes a point in every person’s life, when they must embark on the most dangerous, character-defining journey of all... the family road trip! Forget Everest... Forget the moon landing... A road trip with your relatives is where legends are made and human beings mutate into mysterious highway creatures, sustained entirely on Fun-yuns and spite.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
Human Bodies: A Squishy Design Flaw Waiting to Happen
Good evening, fellow meatbags! Have you ever stubbed your toe so hard that you suddenly believed in alternate dimensions? Or smashed your shin on a coffee table and wondered if bones can actually scream? Congratulations! You’ve just experienced the tragic comedy of human design.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
Bad Drivers: A Field Guide to Vehicular Villainy
🚦 Exhibit A: Roundabouts – The Bermuda Triangle of Traffic The instant certain drivers approach a roundabout, their brains reboot. All sense of direction and purpose evaporates, replaced by pure panic. It’s like watching a flock of birds get flash-banged by a solar flare:
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
Alarm Clocks Are Gaslighting Me...
Good morning, dear readers! Or should I say “bad morning,” because if you’re reading this, you probably woke up to the soul-piercing shriek of your alarm clock. You know the one. The device you trusted to gently usher you into consciousness, but instead ambushes you like a SWAT team breaking down your door at 6:00 a.m.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
Minimalism Ruined My Life (But at Least I Have One Chair)
Greetings from the echoing cathedral that is my living room, where the acoustics are immaculate because there is nothing in here except me, a succulent named Trevor, and the one chair I kept “for guests.” I am living proof that you can declutter your way straight into a spiritual crisis and still have to stand while eating cereal. Minimalism promised me serenity. It delivered shin splints from all the standing. Behold my cautionary tale...
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
