Courtanae Heslop
Bio
Courtanae Heslop is a multi-genre writer and business owner.
Stories (516)
Filter by community
Mini Vacation Reflection
Today was a good day, not perfect but okay. I really enjoyed being around different people in your house, and knowing that everyone is trying just like me makes me feel a bit better. Not too much, but enough. I’ve realized that when you look good, you feel good, which is why I’m desperate to take off at least 80-100 lbs this year. I want to fit into a size L or less and feel like myself again. So, I’m praying for the discipline to eat better, to control my cravings, and to stop overeating. I want to enjoy food without feeling like I have to consume everything in sight.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
This is Not the Vacation I Ordered
Kingston. The word itself feels like a foreign language these days. It's supposed to be a vacation, this visit to my friend's house, a chance to escape the monotony of my daily grind. But instead of feeling refreshed, I'm drowning in a sea of restlessness and a gnawing homesickness.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
This Vacation is Making Me Miserable
January 3, 2025–5:05 PM Today is Friday, and I find myself in Kingston, supposedly on a mini-vacation. But here I am, counting down the hours until I can go back home. At first, I thought this trip might offer a little escape, a change of scenery — and for the first week, I guess it did. But now, I’m restless, irritated, and missing the sanctuary of my own home and the comfort of my personal space. It’s funny how you don’t always appreciate what you have until you’re away from it.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
Jehovah, Here I Am Again
Jehovah, I’m here again, pouring out my heart through Jesus. I don’t even know how to begin because the frustration I feel is so overwhelming. It’s a new year, but it’s the same struggle, the same unanswered questions, the same suffocating reality. Why am I suffering so badly? Why does it feel like I’m running a race I can never win? I’ve worked, sacrificed, and hoped, yet here I am—a failing entrepreneur and an unemployed 26-year-old with nothing to show for it.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
Why Does Success Feel So Elusive?
December 18, 2024 - 2:22 PM Life can often feel like a tapestry woven with threads of hope, frustration, and resilience. For Maya, today was one of those days where the threads seemed more tangled than usual. Sitting quietly in her room, she whispered a heartfelt prayer. “Jehovah, I come to you through Jesus,” she began, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside. “Let your kingdom come, let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. I pray everything in accordance with your will.”
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
Why Me?
December 7, 2024 – 7:37 PM Good day, Jehovah. It’s me again—coming to you through Jesus, as I’ve been taught. But if I’m honest, it’s hard to know what to say anymore. I’ll start with gratitude because that’s the custom, isn’t it? I’m thankful for my family, for the roof over my head, for water, for medication, and even for the sale I made yesterday. These are good things; I recognize that.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
Counting Losses in a House That Isn’t Mine
It’s 5:47 PM on December 7, 2024, and if I’m being honest, I’m drowning in the quiet chaos of my thoughts. Today is my aunt’s anniversary. I saw her just yesterday while she was doing her hair with her sister-in-law. Tomorrow, there’s supposed to be an assembly for our congregation, but chances are, I’ll end up going to meetings and service with my uncle instead.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
A 26-Year-Old’s Quiet Collapse
Here I am, sitting in the middle of another December day, feeling like my body is betraying me. There’s this creeping sensation, this ache in my throat and a weight in my chest that whispers, you’re getting sick. It’s as if the universe knows I can’t handle even one more thing right now, so naturally, it piles this on. I dragged myself out earlier, unwilling but resigned, to grab some DPH because, frankly, I cannot afford to let the flu take me out. The math is simple: a couple hundred dollars now to stave off days of misery is the kind of economics my life currently demands. If I had more money, I’d have thrown Panadol in the mix. But we’re not living in “if onlys,” are we?
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
When Prayers Feel Heavy
Jehovah, I am coming to you through Jesus Christ, as always, knowing that you are the only one who truly understands me. I approach you with my heart wide open, praying that everything I ask aligns with your will. Let your Kingdom come, let your will be done here on earth, just as it is in heaven. Today, I pray for the basics: food, sustenance, and above all, the strength to hold it together mentally. My mind feels fragile, and I’m begging you for peace, Jehovah. I want to focus, to accomplish the tasks before me, and to grow into the person I’ve always envisioned myself to be—including taking better care of my body and losing this weight that feels like a burden I can’t shake. I feel the weight in my body, Jehovah, just as I feel it in my spirit. It’s as though everything I carry is too heavy, too much, and I’m breaking under it.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
Please, Jehovah: My Last Plea for Help
November 13, 2024 - 1:01 pm Jehovah, I come before you in the name of Jesus, trusting in Your will and Your Kingdom. You said in Your Word that Your will should be done on earth as it is in heaven, and I pray for that to be true in my life. I know You are sovereign, and I know Your plans for me are greater than anything I can imagine. But, Father, right now, I feel overwhelmed.
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
How Much Longer Can I Keep Going Without the Support I Need?
It’s been 3 years. Three long years without steady income, without the security of a paycheck, and without the feeling that I have any real purpose in the work I’m doing. I can hardly recognize myself anymore. Somewhere between my daily struggles to stay afloat and my endless attempts to find something, anything, that feels stable, I seem to have lost who I am. How did I get here? How did everything get so hard?
By Courtanae Heslopabout a year ago in Journal
