Carol Saint Martin
Bio
Navigating life, grief and friendships.
Stories (17)
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My Mother And George Michael
On Christmas Day 2016, news broke that George Michael had died. It was late in the evening, and my mother and I were sat in front of the TV. Our friends and family had gone home, we had eaten way too much food and we were tired. My mother was asleep, in fact. I wasn’t. I was scrolling, looking for anything to watch. It was Christmas Day, surely something good would be on. But what I got were reruns, repeats, Christmas specials from the year before that I had already seen… I sort of gave up and logged onto Facebook just to pass the time. That’s when I saw it. George Michael had died. I immediately jumped out of the sofa. That couldn’t be. Or maybe it could. It was 2016, after all. I put on Sky News because who can believe anything they see on Facebook these days? And there it was. The man I had grown up with had died. My mother didn’t know. Not for another minute, when I had to gather the courage to wake her up. I was crying and I knew she would immediately know something was wrong. I gently woke her up and pointed at the TV…
By Carol Saint Martinabout 9 hours ago in Families
I Would Be Nothing Without My Friends
I have written many articles about my friendships over the years. Every time I thought about a friendship that ended, I would write about it and try to put my feelings and questions into words. I have tried to figure out why many of my friendships ended and why some of them ended the way they did. I wrote about how someone who I considered my best friend broke up our friendship years ago and how it broke my heart. And as I wrote in the article, I still don’t know why. A friend I thought would be in my life forever abandoned me when my mother died. Groups of friends didn’t want me around. And so on and so forth. All of these have given me endless material to write about. And so I did. I have. I have written about all of those and more. Because that is something to write about, isn’t it? It’s a problem, it’s a story, it’s pretty much blog article material. It’s something that people relate to, because we have all been there. People want to read about it and offer their words of advice and share their own stories in the comments section so we can all help each other. But what about the other side of things? What about the other friends? THE friends? The OGs?
By Carol Saint Martin11 days ago in Humans
My Mother Died A Year Ago Today
I consider myself to be a geniu-, I mean, a pretty good writer. I express myself through my writing much better than I ever did in person. Most of the time, if I want to say something about the state of the world, I write a play. If I want to vent, I post something on Medium. Writing is my sanctuary. Which is why I am at a loss for words as to why I can’t seem to be able to write a decent and coherent post about my mother. I figured I’d be writing tributes, articles and all sort of things to cope with the pain of losing her, but I can’t. I mean, I have, many times, on many platforms, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Even within the depths of my pain, I can’t bring myself to do any of that to a level I’m satisfied with, because I’m numb.
By Carol Saint Martin25 days ago in Families
How I Stopped Comparing Myself To Other People
When I turned 25, I thought to myself ‘I’m the same age Orson Welles was when he made Citizen Kane!’. I meant that in a self-deprecating way, of course. At 25, I had yet to make a movie that was widely considered to be the greatest film ever made. At 33, I have a stage play and a short film under my belt, both of which I am very proud of.
By Carol Saint Martin3 months ago in Humans
Why Finding 'Your Tribe' As An Adult Feels Impossible
Everybody talks about it. ‘Your tribe’. You are supposed to find your tribe. They are out there somewhere. The people who understand you, the people who share your interests, the people who are there for you no matter what. Your ride-or-die’s. Your fellow ‘weirdos’. Your people. The friends who make you realize why you had never found your tribe before, because this is finally it. This feels right.
By Carol Saint Martin3 months ago in Humans
When Your Friends Abandon You In Your Grief. Top Story - September 2025.
I recently wrote about how a friend of mine ‘ghosted’ me after my mother died. She was one of my closest friends for a long time. We supported each other through our creative endeavours, we bonded over our favorite films, we had cocktails, coffee and afternoon tea at least once a month, if not once a week, and we even did a project together that we were both extremely proud of. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, Claire was there for me. When my mother died, she wasn’t.
By Carol Saint Martin4 months ago in Humans
33 Things I Learned In 33 Years
Tomorrow, I will be turning thirty-three years old. As many of you may know, it will be my very first birthday without my mother. She passed away a few months ago and I have been writing about it on and off both here and on Medium ever since. And even though I am acutely aware of it, I will try not to dwell on it. Instead, as per usual, I will reflect on the things I have learned. Or not, as the case may be.
By Carol Saint Martin4 months ago in Humans
