How I Stopped Comparing Myself To Other People

When I turned 25, I thought to myself ‘I’m the same age Orson Welles was when he made Citizen Kane!’. I meant that in a self-deprecating way, of course. At 25, I had yet to make a movie that was widely considered to be the greatest film ever made. At 33, I have a stage play and a short film under my belt, both of which I am very proud of.

I love Orson Welles. I admire and look up to him immensely and always have. I love his movies and I find his life story and accomplishments fascinating. Especially that Citizen Kane trivia. But that’s not all. So many famous people, icons, celebrities, what have you, accomplished things are at a much younger age than I am now. Not to mention so many of the people in my life. Friends, relatives, co-workers, friends of friends… They have all done things I am constantly amazed by.

And I’m fine with that.

So many of my friends have told me that they feel pressured to get married because everybody they know is either married, or engaged. They tell me they want to have kids because ‘time is running out’ and society is starting to look down on them. They tell me that they still haven’t published their ‘great American novel’, which they have been writing on and off for 10 years, and they feel stuck and behind all the other great novelists of our time. I always try to reassure them but it feels futile sometimes. I tell them society doesn’t actually care about any of us. Not as much as we think it does, anyway. I tell them that we should not live our lives based on what people or society in general want from us. That it is just an abstract concept that doesn’t actually have any real meaning behind it, and we are using it to feel bad about ourselves. Likewise, when I tell them that Orson Welles anecdote, they always tell me that I should focus on my own path in life. And that’s true.

I’m not sure that I believe in any type of life purpose or path or that everything happens for a reason, but, in the most basic sense, we are all different. We have different life stories. Different things happen to all of us during the course of a day, let alone a lifetime! For every story that you’ve read about a celebrity who ‘made it’ at 24 years old, there are hundreds of stories about celebrities who got their big break at 44 years old. Or 54 or 64. If you’re going to feel miserable and compare yourself to others, at least compare yourself to those. Or better yet, don’t. Because otherwise it is never going to end. At 33, I have accomplished more than I thought I would when I entered my 30s. And at 33, Sidney Lumet made his directorial debut in 1957. That debut? 12 Angry Men. See? It’s pointless to keep comparing ourselves to others, because the goalpost will keep moving. And the thing is, you are the one who’s moving it, for no good reason at all.

Our life belongs to us and nobody else. Our story has a unique narrative that cannot be told be by anyone else. When we accomplish something, that was our time. That was when we were supposed to do it, no matter the age. All of our life paths, journeys, opportunities, financial, personal or otherwise, have led us to that moment. No sooner, no later. And that goes for Orson Welles and Sidney Lumet as well.