Carla SofiiLove Garcia
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Writing is my passion... find me on Twitter @goddesswriter90.
Stories (63)
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The Fear of Losing Someone After You Lost Someone
I have a confession, my biggest fear is the loss of a loved one since I have already experienced losing a loved one. I went a long time not knowing how that felt, if we had a loss in the family, I never endured the pain of it because I was either too young or I didn't know anyone close to me that had passed away. This article ties into the one I wrote about losing my grandma and uncle, "The Inevitable Countdown". I experienced the utter pain of true heartache and despair when I lost my grandma, not that I didn't love my uncle, but I was closer to my grandma than I was my uncle. But after those unexpected losses, I have feared the thought of not knowing who would be next or when. I have much regret that I didn't spend enough time, in my opinion, with her in the last few years, I would see her at family functions, but that was it. She passed away in the middle of the COVID pandemic and was unable to visit her in the hospital; the last time I had seen her, was when she was rushed to a clinic in Southgate CA because she was experiencing stomach pain. The doctors didn't seem knowledgeable or maybe I was in denial, but they had later detected that she had stomach cancer and didn't have much time. Now thinking about it, I do believe I was in denial of the whole thing, not wanting to imagine losing the person I love the most, but it was also something I couldn't control, and that is scary. I do miss her a lot, think about her all the time, and wish I could've done something to help her.
By Carla SofiiLove Garcia 5 years ago in Confessions
The Day I Disappeared
I went on my morning walk in the woods outside my cabin, I usually go on the same path. Right before that, I turn on the coffee machine, I have breakfast, read a book, and relax. I usually tried to meditate before I go, just I have a. clear mind, which I take my walks to help me clear my mind, but sometimes it just makes me think more. I smell the coffee, I think it's ready, mmm... coffee in the morning smells so good. Coffee is done, breakfast is done, did I forget anything? No, I don't think so. Starting my walk down the narrow path, with the big tall trees, a dirt path, a patch of green grass ahead, and nice crisp air. Walking, pacing myself to enjoy the scenery of the beautiful woods, I live in a cabin surrounded by trees, it helps with my writing, it helps to awaken my mind to the possibilities of the stories I can create. I have published a few books already, but I've been told it's always based on the same storyline; a woman that seems to be stuck in a dream, an endless dream that seems to never lead anywhere, she feels as if she wakes up, but ends up in the same place. Well, these are the stories I like to write and I have an audience that likes them because they sell pretty quickly. There I go thinking again, always wandering off into my work, always thinking about the criticism I get from my publicist, it's daunting how I am so consumed by the way their comments make me feel. Don't get me wrong, I think I have pretty good skills for writing, I always have something to write, it may be based on the same things a lot of the time, but who doesn't do that nowadays. Ok, going back to enjoying my walk, now coming up to the patch of green grass in the meadow, with a small lake, a group of ducks that fly in around this time, makes it feel so natural. Taking in the fresh breeze, smelling the crispness of the air, makes me feel at ease. I have a spot by the lake where I sit to feed the ducks, where you can see the full scenic view of how big the woods are, so green, hearing the little animals in surround sound, as if you were listening to one of those nature videos online, this is the perfect place to come and unwind. It does feel like one of the stories I've written before, but I couldn't find that good of a story. Now, I've gone deeper into the woods, further into this path where I've been, it is more intriguing than where I usually stop, but feels like I should go back... something is telling me that I should go back. My curious mind has come forward, is telling me "keep going, see what's out there, go explore", making me feel like a child again, but the better part of my heart is telling me to go back... I'm torn. Well, here I go. Deeper into this wonderland, deeper into the rabbit hole, further into the darkness... wait, how did it get so dark all of a sudden, what time is it? I feel like I just got here... why does my reflection in this weirdly place mirror look as if I've aged? How long has it been? Am I lost? What day is it? Oh no! Not again, I've been here before, but I thought it was a dream. I've tried to go back, to just end up in a different place every time, not knowing where to go. Ok, I'm just going to turn around and see where it leads. What is this? I've turned around, and the other end of this road looks the same as the other, will it lead to the same place? Fallen to the ground in despair, I'm quite confused as to where to go from here, I'm lost. Is there someone out there? Anybody? Help! I stop screaming, asking for help, waiting for someone to come for me... but no one hears me. I pick myself back up, start walking in the first direction that my feet take me... why is there a poster with my picture on it, why is there someone out there looking for me... why is the date from 1964? But I'm right here... let me call that number... wait, where's my phone? Did I leave it by the pond? Ugh... I don't know what to do. Ok, I will take the poster with me, and see who can explain as to what is going on. It’s seems the further I go, the further I get from where the need to be... how do I get back? Where is everybody? I sat down in the middle of the path, to take a moment to think, when it dawned on me... maybe this is a game that my mind is playing with me. Like I said, this has happened to me before, what did I do in order to go back? Did I ever go back? Maybe I’m still stuck in this bad dream, not being able to wake up, always going around in circles. Eventually, did I realize that I’ve been in the same nightmare, for a long time, lost in the world I created, without having created an escape. Therefore, this is the day I got lost... lost in my own mind, lost in my own story, lost in the universe with no end. I hope one day someone will find me.
By Carla SofiiLove Garcia 5 years ago in Futurism
The Golden Standard of What I am Looking For
From all the years I have been in relationships, I have been given different opinions of how my exes would have preferred I was, how they would change me, how I could have handled things differently, or how I failed at things in the relationship. But the thing I never heard until my recent relationship, was how they were equally at fault for the things that went wrong. So, if any of these people are reading my posts, here are a few tips of what you should've done differently, and maybe we would have been in a better place now.
By Carla SofiiLove Garcia 5 years ago in Humans
The Inevitable Countdown
In every human's life, there is a beginning and an end. This is well-known, inevitable, and expected, but it doesn't make it any easier to prepare for it. This is a sensitive topic, not one that is easy to approach, but it is a topic nonetheless that should be openly discussed. I have opened the conversation, for the simple fact that there are plenty of people in the world that don't have anyone to talk to when they have experienced a loss and go about life wallowing in their grief. I have experienced losing a couple of close family members, when it happened, seemed completely unbearable, it still is equally difficult to this day. I tried to handle the loss without the need to talk about it with anyone, in fear that I didn't want to "burden" anyone, but as time passed, I slowly noticed how mentally unhealthy of a habit I had created. I have a couple of things I can continue writing concerning the subject, and due to my recent experiences.
By Carla SofiiLove Garcia 5 years ago in Families
Imperfect Perfectionist
Being perceived as a perfection is very challenging, because then you try to live up to that expectation. It is also challenging to accept your imperfections, because you're constantly under a spotlight of high expectations. As a professional, I am constantly looking to improve myself and my quality of work, so when I mess up, my whole world crumbles. Now personally, I can be imperfect and be fine, because I am not being ridiculed or judged... or so I think. I have been held up to a high standard for as long as I can remember; I have a very strict mother, continuously expecting me to do everything right, putting me into different afterschool activities, making sure I was scheduled for extra curricular activities in school, and still go home to cook and clean. Now, my dad on the other hand, well... what is there to say, he was not in my life for the most part. Regardless of how they both were, both of my parents had one thing in common; they were both hardworking and were both workaholics. Growing up, my mom worked long days, would still getting me ready for school, came home, did laundry, made sure I was fed, and still made time to read to me or do fun things before bed. Those things, helped me to be the person I am today. I didn't have my dad in my life until I turned 18, but from what I could gather, he was devoted to his job, independent, extremely intelligent, and very wise. I am grateful to have had parents that taught me the value of determination, perseverance, and perfection.
By Carla SofiiLove Garcia 5 years ago in Motivation
Not looking for validation, just your love.
I never thought I would ever tell you about this, not something I have ever told anyone, for the fear of losing you and being judged. This is quite difficult to put into words, one of the biggest regrets I will ever have, and one of the stupidest things I have ever done. Well... here goes nothing... I hope by the end of this, you will not hate me nor look at me differently... I'm sorry for having been inconsiderate in doing it, I wasn't thinking. One of the only times in my life when I felt lonely, deep in my thoughts, but never thinking of how this would have affected anyone. The only time I felt selfish, only considering my feelings and what would make me feel better. I am rambling, in fear that I will be judged by you, but here it goes.
By Carla SofiiLove Garcia 5 years ago in Confessions
