This conversation happened on Sept. 11, 2024, after the presidential debate between Trump and Harris.
“Vlad, Vlad, Vlad!”
“Yes, Donnie, why are you so excited?”
“Haven’t you seen my outstanding debate performance?”
“Hmm, really, outstanding? Who said so, Donnie?”
“Everyone, Vlad! Everyone, every post-debate poll says I won. Look at any poll after the debate, Vlad, I am a winner in all of them.”
“Hmm, how about this then?” [texts a picture]
“Where did you get this, Vlad? It’s disgusting! She is so nasty!”
“I don’t know, someone sent it to me.”
“Well, it’s not a poll. This is just a cartoon, not credible at all. Did you watch the debate, Vlad?”
“No, it was too late, that is, too early my time. Besides, they haven’t translated it for me yet.”
“That’s why I didn’t call you yesterday, it ran too late. So late, it was almost two hours! By the end, I was so bored! Bored out of my mind.”
“A-ha, that’s what I heard.”
“So, no need to watch it, Vlad, unless you really want to see my tremendous performance.”
“Oh, really? Why?”
“What do you mean, why? Because I’ve won! She was so weak and stupid, it’s unbelievable. I’ve won, Vlad!”
“Ok, then. Tell me how you feel about it, Donnie.”
“I feel great! I think I now have the election in my pocket, Vlad! Completely in my pocket. I can’t imagine how anyone would vote for her. They would be stupid to do so!”
“What if they do, Donnie? What is your plan then?”
“Well, then I will simply tell that I have won all fifty states and leave them deal with the mess. Simply declare my victory, Vlad, and fight it out.”
“But you tried that last time in 2020, and all your court cases were thrown out, Donnie.”
“No, not thrown out, Vlad, they just declared that we had no standing. No standing, can you imagine?”
“Isn’t it the same thing, Donnie?”
“No, not the same thing. Not the same at all. This time, I have a lot of new people in swing state electoral boards who will certify my election win. They are so good and loyal to me, Vlad!”
“Oh, that’s sneaky, Donnie. It’s so sneaky it might actually work.”
“Thank you, Vlad. How’s your war in Ukraine going?”
“It’s going, Donnie. We are winning. Ukraine is losing.”
“That’s what I said in the debate too.”
“Oh, really? How did that come up?”
“The stupid ABC moderators asked me if it was in America’s national security interests for Ukraine to win the war, or something like that.”
“A-ha, and what did you say?”
“I said that it’s in our national security interest to finish the war and to stop the bloodshed on both sides.”
“Good, good, Donnie. What did Harris say?”
“That Ukraine should win. Can you imagine, Vlad, she is rooting for Ukraine.”
“Really? I would have never thought. I thought she was smarter than that.”
“See? I’m telling you, she is weak and stupid. So weak and stupid, and she had the audacity to say that you’d eat me for lunch. Can you imagine, Vlad, you’d eat me for lunch?” [chuckles nervously]
“Ha! That I need to see, I guess I’m off to watch the debate.”
“Ok, Vlad, also watch me talk about Orban there.”
“Why? What did you say about Orban?”
“That he is a strong leader and that he praised me as a strong leader. Just the truth, Vlad.”
“Interesting. Are you having a crush on Orban, Donnie? I thought you and I were kinda a thing.”
“And we are, Vlad, you are my best friend in the whole world. And he is one of my good friends…” [gushing]
“It’s Ok, Donnie, I’m not jealous. Just teasing you. Victor is a good man.”
“See? I have to give it to Orban, too: he is so strong, wipes his feet on the entire European Union and NATO. I like him for that. I like him for that very much.”
“Me too, Donnie, me too. Alright, you now made me curious. I’d better go watch your tremendous debate performance. Bye, Donnie.”
“Bye, Vlad.” After hanging up, “I hope he likes it. I tried to make him proud.”
About the Creator
Lana V Lynx
Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist
@lanalynx.bsky.social
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Ditched - Index
This index is just for my subscribers. I finished and published this long story or short novella of 6,000 words recently. I tried to link all previous parts of the story in the next one, so if you went along you shouldn't have been lost. This index is just put everything in one place.
By Lana V LynxExclusive • 4 months ago
Comments (9)
I was out of country and didn’t see the debate. I can just imagine. He is so childish I wish we never had to hear him ever again.
Funny how after Kamala called him weak, he tried using it against her at least 4 times and now it's his new favorite word. Such a despicable human being. I would rather eat glass than spend 5 minutes in his head, lol.
These interactions seem more and more realistic. I've always seen trumpy as a little bully who loves other men in power to love him. Great article.
This is so good! It's freaky how well you put a voice to each of these characters. It feels like they actually had this conversation. I watched the debate, and nearly fell other laughing when they fact-checked Trump on his claims that immigrants are eating people's pets. 🤣🤣🤣 I feel like you should seriously consider writing a novel about two (or more) dictators exchanging conversations like this. Anyhow, well done! 👍
He's almost adorable in this one 😂 Daddy issues much?
I’m sure in the ‘Don’s’ mind there were people in the audience and it was the biggest crowd ever. No reality for that guy
Donnie’s Overconfidence: “Haven’t you seen my outstanding debate performance?” Rightt Donnie, Righttt 🙄😂😂😂😂🤣
Lol, Vlad would die from food poisoning if he ate Trump for lunch 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Was waiting for this one.....soooo much material from which to draw. It amazes me how much Donnie thinks he can control Putin - it would be nearly laughable if it wasn't so terrifyingly delusional. In reality, Putin is the one pulling Donnie's strings and doing the manipulating, but of course, Donnie's too infatuated with that Vlad to see the truth.