The power of words.

I remember when a following quote by Nancy Carlson went viral a number of years ago:

”If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do.”

It was such a simple and obvious, yet also a profound truth, that I don’t think anyone was up for debating it.

Then there was a famous experiment by Masaru Emoto, which showed that water reacts to different human emotions too, by forming very different patterns on a molecular level.

Now, humans are even more complex. Unlike water and plants we have a central nervous system, which is very affected by the environment and the messages it receives from it. And yet, there is another famous quote adopted by many, which totally contradicts the former one:

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

We can assume that for people of different temperaments, different truths will apply. Yet the latter attitude seems to have dominated the way society functions up until now.

With this kind of belief system of perceiving only physical assault and its aftermath as tangible, there is little surprise that mental health issues weren’t even acknowledged and taken seriously until relatively recently. The materialist worldview only acknowledges something as real, if it can be perceived by one’s senses, the invisible realm therefore is not as real . A broken leg can be seen with a naked eye after all, someone’s emotional troubles are a less straightforward matter.

Science no doubt has gifted us with a lot, but it also shifted our perception in a particular direction - that the material/physical/visible is more valuable and true, a more reliable indicator, since as mentioned earlier, it can be perceived by one’s senses. The reality is of course much broader than that, and everyone knows it, regardless of whether they can prove it or not.

On the other hand, in the psychotherapy circles, there is plenty of evidence that verbal abuse creates lasting damage, especially if one is exposed to it in childhood. In fact, in the ACE (adverse childhood experiences) study - the emotional abuse was found to create deeper psychological damage than the physical, and even the sexual one. And yet, the attitudes such as - “no one can hurt you if you don’t have the hurt inside of you”, are still very much trending online. What a clever justification of abuse.

However, there is another side of the coin; a manifestation of another extreme, the pendulum swinging too far in the opposite direction, which we see playing out in certain political ideologies, where people cannot say what they think (even if it is objectively true and communicated kindly), without offending the other person or a group of people, and risking being cancelled. I believe this is the inversion of the “truth, beauty and goodness” aspect of words, where the right values are manipulated to achieve a desired outcome, politically or otherwise. It is also very much the case of the well known psychological concept called Karpman’s drama triangle - the dance between the victim, abuser and saviour. The victim becoming the abuser, while utilising its victims status to gain the support of the saviour. While in this dynamic , people do not have the intention to heal, but to simply revenge.

We absolutely must show empathy , but we cannot lose the common sense in the process, otherwise our empathy will be manipulated and used as a means to an end. If the former dynamic was all mind and no heart, this is the exact opposite - all heart, without any discernment and rationality. Once again, there is little to no balance in the affairs of humanity.

We need a combination of both the intellect and the heart in order to unlock the healing power of words. Heart and mind, EQ and IQ.

What makes me especially curious though, is whether the majority of people are truly not aware of the power of words? Ancient cultures definitely knew that words are also energy, and have the ability to create or destroy, depending on what is said. Both positively and negatively charged words can stay in one’s memory for decades, and influence one’s life in many aspects. While especially harmful in formative years, grown ups aren’t fully immune either. Just think of how many suicides were associated with the “Love Island” show, and the consequent media bullying of its participants.

There are a lot of harsh words online these days, since people are divided over pretty much everything. Not only do we not know how to disagree, many don’t even bother to argue their case, and go straight to name calling. On the energetic level it is nothing short of an attack, as well as an unconscious attempt to steal the energy of the opponent, since many are low on it at the moment. Which is why it is essential to stay mindful of what content we consume, what conversations we engage in, and how they make us feel. Now it is more important than ever to be selective on where our attention, and therefore energy goes, and what we are creating more of as a result.

I would like to end this piece with a poem, one which communicates profoundly the relational vulnerability of human beings.

Words Are Windows

(or They’re Walls)

“I feel so sentenced by your words, I feel so judged and sent away, Before I go I’ve got to know, Is that what you mean to say?

Before I rise to my defense, Before I speak in hurt or fear, Before I build that wall of words, Tell me, did I really hear?

Words are windows, or they’re walls, They sentence us, or set us free. When I speak and when I hear, Let the love light shine through me.

There are things I need to say, Things that mean so much to me, If my words don’t make me clear, Will you help me to be free?

If I seemed to put you down, If you felt I didn’t care, Try to listen through my words, To the feelings that we share.”

Ruth Bebermeyer.