how to
How to cope with your emotions, maintain mental health, deal with life's stressors and help others do the same.
Why Decluttering is a Journey - Not a One Time Fix
Beyond our stuff, material goods and possessions; there is more to decluttering our homes and personal space than simply asking the question as to whether or not each and every item in your home sparks joy. I am in awe of Marie Kondo and other minimalists who share and inspire in a noisy world of obsession and wanting more, more, and more each and every single day; yet the items in our home can cut beyond skin deep. The key is to also take inspiration from Jerry Seinfeld, and not allow our homes to be garbage processing centres, the latter of which anyone reading this article does not want. Read on.
By Justine Crowley2 days ago in Psyche
Why Smiling Can Feel Like the Hardest Thing
The Unbearable Weight of a Smile: When Your Face Refuses to Lie Anymore "Just smile," they said, as if my face were a light switch I could simply flip. As if the muscles required to curve my lips upward hadn't become so heavy that lifting them felt like deadlifting my own despair. As if smiling—the simplest, most automatic human expression—hadn't become the most exhausting performance of my entire day. I'm standing in line at the coffee shop, and the barista is making small talk. "How's your day going?" she asks, cheerful, genuine, expecting the standard response. My jaw tenses. My face feels like stone. I know what I'm supposed to do—smile, say "great, how about you?", participate in this basic social ritual that I've performed thousands of times without thinking. But I can't. My face won't cooperate. The muscles required to form a smile feel paralyzed, or more accurately, weighted down by something too heavy to lift. I force it anyway. The corners of my mouth move upward mechanically, but it doesn't reach my eyes. It doesn't feel genuine. It feels like I'm wearing a mask that doesn't quite fit. "Fine, thanks," I manage, and the barista's smile falters slightly. She can tell. Something's off. My smile is wrong somehow—too tight, too forced, too obviously fake. I take my coffee and leave quickly, exhausted by the thirty-second interaction. My face hurts from the effort of that brief, failed smile. And I still have an entire day of this ahead of me. When Your Face Becomes a Traitor I used to smile easily, automatically. It was a reflex, an unconscious response to humor, kindness, joy, social situations. I never thought about it, never had to try. Now every smile is manual labor. Every upward curve of my lips requires conscious effort, deliberate muscle activation, sustained energy I don't have. My face has become resistant, like it knows I'm lying and refuses to participate in the deception. In meetings at work, I'd notice other people smiling, laughing, their faces animated and expressive. And I'd try to match them, to mirror their expressions, to look like I was engaged and present. But my face wouldn't cooperate. It would freeze in this neutral, flat expression that read as either bored or angry, even though I wasn't trying to look either way. I just... couldn't make my face do what faces are supposed to do. "You look upset," my boss said after one meeting. "Is everything okay?" "I'm fine," I said, and tried to smile to prove it. But even I could feel how wrong it looked—this grimace that pretended to be a smile, this contortion that fooled no one. "If something's bothering you, you can talk to me," he pressed. Nothing was bothering me. At least, nothing specific. I wasn't angry or upset about work. I was just... unable to smile. Unable to make my face perform the basic signals that tell others I'm okay, I'm engaged, I'm a functioning human being having a normal interaction. The Exhaustion of Performance Every day became a marathon of forced facial expressions. Wake up. Try to smile at my partner over breakfast. Fail. See his concern. Force a smile to reassure him. Feel my face muscles strain with the effort. Get to work. Try to look pleasant and approachable. Feel my face settle into that blank, heavy expression despite my best efforts. Force periodic smiles during conversations. Feel exhausted by 10 AM from the sheer effort of manipulating my own face. Lunch with colleagues. They're laughing about something. I hear the joke, understand it's funny, know I should be laughing too. Try to make my face do the laughing expression. Produce something that's almost a smile but not quite right. See them notice. Feel them pull back slightly, unsure how to read me. By the end of each day, my face would actually ache. Not from overuse, but from the constant tension of trying to force expressions that wouldn't come naturally, of fighting against muscles that wanted to remain flat and unresponsive. I started avoiding situations that required me to smile. Stopped going to social gatherings where I'd have to perform happiness I didn't feel. Turned down invitations to celebrations, parties, events where smiling would be expected and my inability to do so would be conspicuous. My world shrank to environments where I didn't have to pretend—mostly my apartment, alone, where my face could rest in its natural state of heavy neutrality without judgment or concern. Understanding the Impossibility "Why can't I smile?" I asked my therapist, genuinely baffled by this loss of what seemed like the most basic human function. "I'm not trying to look miserable. I just... can't make my face do it anymore." She explained it in a way that finally made sense. "Depression doesn't just affect your mood—it affects your motor functions, including the facial muscles. The neurotransmitters that allow for spontaneous emotional expression are depleted. Your face isn't refusing to smile. Your brain isn't sending the signals that create smiling." She showed me research about something called "facial feedback"—the way our facial expressions both reflect and influence our emotional state. When you smile, your brain registers that feedback and generates corresponding positive emotions. It's a two-way street. But in depression, that street is blocked. Your brain can't generate the positive emotions that produce genuine smiles, and forcing smiles doesn't trick your brain into feeling better—it just exhausts you with the effort of manually operating machinery that's supposed to be automatic. "It's not laziness," she emphasized. "It's not attitude. It's a literal neurological impairment. Your brain has lost the ability to generate spontaneous positive facial expressions." Knowing this didn't make it easier, but it helped me understand why something so simple had become so impossibly hard. The Social Cost The inability to smile carries a staggering social cost that people who've never experienced it can't understand. Humans are wired to read faces. We make split-second judgments about people based on their expressions. A lack of smiling reads as unfriendly, unapproachable, angry, or unstable—even when that's not what you're feeling at all. My relationships deteriorated. Friends stopped reaching out because interactions with me felt flat, heavy, unrewarding. I wasn't fun to be around anymore. Not because I was actively negative, but because I couldn't reflect back the warmth and positive energy that social bonds require. My partner grew increasingly frustrated. "You never seem happy to see me," he said one night. "I come home and you just... look at me. No smile, no warmth, nothing." "I am happy to see you," I insisted. "I just can't make my face show it." "That doesn't make sense," he said, hurt and confused. "If you're happy, why can't you smile?" How could I explain that happiness and smiling had become disconnected? That I could feel some small sense of gladness that he was home, but that feeling couldn't translate into facial expression? That the pathway between emotion and face had been severed? I couldn't explain it in a way that made sense to him. And eventually, he stopped believing I was happy to see him at all. The Judgment and Misunderstanding The worst part was the constant judgment from people who didn't understand. "You should smile more!" Random strangers, usually men, felt entitled to offer this advice, as if my face existed for their viewing pleasure. "Cheer up, it might never happen!" People would joke, assuming my expression meant something bad had occurred, when really it just meant my face was resting in its default depressed state. "Why are you so angry?" I wasn't angry. I was just unable to smile. "You need to work on your attitude." My attitude was fine. My face just couldn't show it. People assumed my lack of smiling meant I was rude, unfriendly, hostile, or miserable. They couldn't see that I was simply exhausted from trying to operate machinery that had stopped working. Even well-meaning people hurt me with their attempts to help. "Just fake it till you make it!" they'd say. "Force yourself to smile and you'll feel better!" But forcing smiles didn't make me feel better. It made me feel like a fraud. It highlighted the gap between what my face was doing and what I was actually feeling. It made the depression more obvious, not less, because the smile never reached my eyes, never looked genuine, never fooled anyone including me. The Breaking Point The crisis came during my niece's birthday party. She was turning five, excited, adorable, having the time of her life. She ran up to me with a drawing she'd made, her face lit up with pure childhood joy. "Look what I made for you, Auntie!" I looked at the drawing—a colorful, enthusiastic rendering of the two of us holding hands. She'd drawn me with a big smile. And I couldn't smile back at her. I tried. God, I tried. This innocent child showing me something she'd made with love, and I couldn't produce even a small smile of acknowledgment. My face remained flat. Heavy. Unresponsive. Her face fell. "Don't you like it?" "I love it, sweetheart," I said, my voice breaking slightly. "It's beautiful." But she'd already seen my expression—or lack of it. She walked away, confused and a little hurt, and I stood there holding her drawing, hating myself for not being able to give this child the one simple thing she wanted: a smile. That night, I called my psychiatrist. "Something's really wrong," I said. "I can't even smile at a five-year-old. What's happening to me?" The Medical Reality My psychiatrist adjusted my medication and explained what was happening. "What you're experiencing is called 'psychomotor retardation'—a slowing down of physical and emotional responses. It's a core symptom of major depression. Your facial muscles aren't responding normally because the neural pathways that control spontaneous expression aren't functioning properly." She also mentioned something called "anhedonia"—the inability to feel pleasure—which often comes with an inability to express pleasure, even when you're trying. "The medication we're adjusting should help," she said. "But it takes time. Six to eight weeks, possibly longer, before you notice a difference." She also recommended something unexpected: facial exercises. "Research shows that deliberately practicing facial movements—even without the corresponding emotion—can help retrain the neural pathways. It won't cure the depression, but it might make the physical expressions easier." So I started doing these bizarre exercises. Standing in front of the mirror, manually moving my face through expressions. Lifting the corners of my mouth with my fingers to simulate a smile. Holding it. Releasing. Repeating. It felt ridiculous. I felt ridiculous. But I was desperate enough to try anything. The Slow Return The medication took seven weeks to start working. Seven weeks of forced smiles, exhausted facial muscles, and social situations I couldn't navigate properly. Then one morning, my partner said something funny at breakfast and I felt it—a real smile, spontaneous and genuine, breaking across my face without effort. It lasted maybe three seconds before fading. But it was real. It was mine. It happened without me having to manually operate my face. I started crying, which alarmed my partner until I explained: "I just smiled. A real smile. I didn't have to force it." He looked at me with such relief and sadness. "I didn't realize how hard it's been for you," he said quietly. After that, smiles came more frequently. Not all the time—I still had days where my face felt weighted and unresponsive. But the genuine smiles started outnumbering the forced ones. The effort required diminished. My face started cooperating again. Living With the Memory A year later, I can smile relatively easily again. Not effortlessly like I used to, and not constantly. But the heavy impossibility has lifted. My face has mostly remembered how to express what I'm feeling without requiring manual operation. But I haven't forgotten what it was like. That period when smiling felt harder than anything else, when my face betrayed me every day, when the simplest human expression became impossible. I'm gentler with people now. When I see someone with a flat expression, with a face that doesn't smile easily, I don't assume they're unfriendly or angry or rude. I wonder if maybe they're fighting this same battle. If maybe their face is as heavy as mine once was. I also don't take smiling for granted anymore. Every genuine smile feels like a gift, like evidence that my brain is working properly again, that the neural pathways are transmitting signals the way they should. The Truth That Needs Telling If you can't smile right now—if your face feels like dead weight, if forcing expressions exhausts you, if people keep telling you to cheer up and you want to scream that you're trying but your face won't cooperate—please know this: You're not broken. Your face isn't defective. This is a symptom of depression as real and valid as any other symptom. Your brain's ability to generate spontaneous positive expressions has been impaired by depleted neurotransmitters and disrupted neural pathways. This isn't attitude. This isn't choice. This is neurology. And it's treatable. With the right medication, therapy, and time, your face can remember how to smile again. The heaviness can lift. The effort can diminish. The genuine smiles can return. Don't let people shame you for something you literally cannot control. Don't let them tell you to "just smile" as if you haven't been trying. Don't let them mistake your depression for rudeness or hostility. Your face will cooperate again. The pathways will reconnect. The expressions will come naturally once more. Until then, be patient with yourself. You're not failing at something easy. You're managing something impossibly hard. And you're doing better than you think. When smiling becomes the hardest thing, it's not because you're ungrateful or negative or refusing to see the bright side—it's because depression has literally disconnected the neural pathways between emotion and facial expression. Your face isn't betraying you out of spite. It's malfunctioning because your brain chemistry is disrupted. The effort it takes you to produce a smile is the same effort it would take someone else to deadlift a car. You're not being difficult. You're being incredibly strong, showing up to social situations and manually operating facial machinery that's supposed to be automatic. The heaviness will lift. Your face will remember. Until then, please stop judging yourself for not being able to do something your broken neurology has made nearly impossible. --------------------------------------------- Thanks for Reading!
By Ameer Moavia4 days ago in Psyche
When You Don’t Feel Sad, Just Empty
People kept asking if I was depressed. "No," I'd say. "I'm fine." And I meant it. I wasn't sad. I wasn't in pain. I wasn't anything. I was just... empty. A shell going through motions, waiting to feel something—anything—again. I'm sitting at my daughter's birthday party, watching her blow out the candles. She's radiant, laughing, surrounded by friends. This is a moment I should treasure. A moment that should fill me with joy, with love, with that warm parental pride that makes your chest ache in the best way. I feel nothing. Not sadness about feeling nothing. Not anxiety about my numbness. Just a vast, echoing emptiness where emotions used to be. I'm present in body, absent in every way that matters. I smile at the right times, say the right things, take the pictures. But I'm not really here. My daughter looks at me, her eyes bright with happiness, and says, "Mom, isn't this the best day ever?" "It's wonderful, sweetie," I say, and the words feel like they're coming from someone else. Some automated version of me that knows the script but has forgotten how to mean it. Later, driving home, my husband asks if I'm okay. I almost laugh at the question. Okay? I don't even know what I am. I'm functional, going through every motion of life, completing every task. But I'm not okay. I'm not anything. I'm just empty. The Absence of Everything Depression, I'd always understood, was sadness. Heavy, crushing sadness. The kind that makes you cry, that weighs on your chest, that feels like drowning. This wasn't that. This was absence. A void where feelings used to be. Not darkness, but grayness. Not pain, but numbness. Not drowning, but floating in some liminal space between living and existing. I went to work every day. I had conversations. I laughed at jokes—or at least, I made the laughing sound. I cooked dinner, helped with homework, maintained my house, paid my bills. From the outside, I looked completely functional. But inside, I'd disappeared. The person who used to feel joy, sadness, anger, love, excitement—she was gone. In her place was this hollow thing, performing life without experiencing it. Music that used to move me sounded like organized noise. Food lost all flavor—I ate because I was supposed to, not because I wanted to. Sunsets that once took my breath away barely registered. Touch felt distant, like someone was touching a body I was only vaguely connected to. I wasn't actively suicidal. I didn't want to die. But I also didn't particularly want to be alive. I just... was. Existing without purpose, moving without direction, breathing without really living. The Confusion of Emptiness The worst part was not understanding what was wrong with me. If I were sad, I could name it. If I were anxious, I could identify it. But this? This had no name, no clear symptoms, no obvious cause. "Are you depressed?" my doctor asked during a routine checkup. "I don't think so," I said. "I'm not sad. I'm not crying. I'm managing everything fine." She looked at me for a long moment. "Depression doesn't always look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like emptiness. Like nothing matters. Like you're going through life on autopilot." I stared at her. That was exactly what it felt like. But I'd always thought depression meant being overwhelmed with emotion, not the complete absence of it. "What you're describing sounds like anhedonia," she continued. "The inability to feel pleasure or joy. It's a core symptom of depression, even when you're not actively sad." Anhedonia. A clinical word for the void I'd been living in. For the flatness, the grayness, the nothing. The Origins of the Void In therapy, we started excavating how I'd arrived at this empty place. It hadn't been one thing. It had been accumulation—years of stress, of pushing through, of functioning through crisis after crisis without ever really processing what I was experiencing. My mother's death two years earlier. A job I hated but couldn't leave. A marriage that had become more roommate arrangement than partnership. Financial stress. Parenting challenges. The constant low-grade anxiety of modern life. I'd handled it all. I'd been so strong. Everyone said so. I'd managed every crisis, solved every problem, supported everyone who needed me. But I'd done it by essentially turning off my emotional system. Feelings were inefficient. They slowed me down. They made things harder. So I'd learned to power through them, to override them, to function despite them. Eventually, I'd functioned so well without feelings that my brain apparently decided I didn't need them anymore. The shutdown that started as a temporary coping mechanism became permanent. The dimmer switch I'd turned down to survive got stuck at zero. "You burned out emotionally," my therapist explained. "You asked your system to handle more than it could process, so it went numb to protect you. But now you're stuck there." Living in the Gray Emptiness is different from sadness in ways that are hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. Sadness has texture. It hurts, yes, but at least you're feeling something. There's a realness to it, a connection to your own humanity. Emptiness has no texture. It's smooth, featureless, vast. You're not in pain, but you're also not okay. You're not suffering in any way you can articulate, but you're not living either. People would try to cheer me up, not understanding that I wasn't down—I was nowhere. They'd suggest activities I used to enjoy. "Remember how much you loved hiking? Maybe you should get outside more." I'd go hiking. I'd see the beautiful views, feel the sun, hear the birds. And feel absolutely nothing. Not disappointment that I wasn't enjoying it. Just... nothing. Like watching scenery through a window, knowing intellectually it's beautiful but unable to access any emotional response to it. My relationships suffered in quiet ways. My husband would share good news and I'd respond appropriately—"That's great, honey"—but there was no joy behind it. My friends would tell me about their problems and I'd offer advice, but I couldn't access the empathy I used to feel. I was doing all the right things, saying all the right words, but I wasn't really there. The Isolation of Nothingness Emptiness is profoundly lonely, partly because it's invisible and partly because it's hard to ask for help when you can't even explain what's wrong. How do you tell someone, "I need support," when you don't feel distressed? How do you ask for understanding when you're functioning perfectly well? How do you explain that you're suffering when you're not actually in pain? I tried once, to tell my best friend what I was experiencing. "I just feel empty," I said. "Like nothing matters. Like I'm not really here." She looked concerned but confused. "That sounds hard. But you seem fine? You're working, you're taking care of your family. Are you sure you're not just tired?" Maybe I was just tired. Maybe this was normal and I was overreacting. Maybe everyone felt this way and I was just weak for struggling with it. But deep down, I knew this wasn't normal. I remembered feeling things—joy, sadness, excitement, connection. I remembered being alive in my own life. And now I was just existing in it, a ghost in my own body. The loneliness of emptiness is that you're surrounded by life—your life, technically—but you can't touch it. You're on the other side of glass, watching everything happen but unable to participate in any meaningful way. The Moment of Recognition The turning point came six months into the emptiness, during a moment that should have devastated me. My daughter fell off her bike and broke her arm. She was crying, in pain, scared. My husband was panicking. We rushed to the emergency room. And I felt... nothing. No fear, no worry, no maternal instinct kicking in. I did everything I was supposed to do—comforted her, handled the logistics, stayed calm. But internally, there was just that same flat grayness. Sitting in the ER waiting room, watching my child suffer, unable to feel anything about it—that's when I knew this had gone too far. This wasn't coping anymore. This was being dead inside while still technically alive. I called my therapist from the hospital parking lot. "I think something's really wrong," I said. "My daughter broke her arm and I felt nothing. Not scared, not worried, nothing. What's wrong with me?" "You're not broken," she said gently. "You're depleted. Your emotional system has shut down to protect you from overwhelm. But we can bring it back online. It's not gone—it's just... sleeping." The Long Thaw Healing from emptiness is different from healing from sadness. You can't think your way out of it or talk your way through it. You have to slowly, carefully, wake up your emotional system—like coaxing circulation back into a limb that's fallen asleep. My therapist started me on an antidepressant, despite my protests that I wasn't sad. "Anhedonia is a symptom of depression," she explained. "The medication can help restore your brain's ability to experience pleasure and connection." We also worked on creating space for emotions to return. I'd been so focused on functioning that I'd never given myself permission to not be okay. We practiced sitting with feelings when they appeared—even tiny ones. A moment of annoyance. A flicker of interest. A brief sense of peace. At first, nothing. Then, slowly, pinpricks of sensation started breaking through the numbness. I'd be driving and suddenly notice the music. Really notice it, not just hear it. For thirty seconds, I'd feel something approximating enjoyment before the grayness returned. I'd see my daughter laugh and feel a tiny spark of warmth. Just a spark, gone almost immediately, but something. These moments were so small, so fleeting, that I almost didn't recognize them as progress. But my therapist celebrated each one. "That's your emotional system waking up. Little by little, it's coming back." The Return of Feeling The first time I genuinely cried—not just tears, but real, emotional crying—was four months into treatment. I was watching a movie, some forgettable drama, and a scene showed a parent reuniting with their child. And suddenly, unexpectedly, I was sobbing. Deep, wrenching sobs that came from somewhere I'd forgotten existed. My husband looked alarmed. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong," I said, crying and laughing at the same time. "I'm feeling something. I'm actually feeling something." It sounds absurd, but that moment of sadness—actual, genuine sadness about a fictional character—felt like a gift. Because it meant I wasn't empty anymore. The void was starting to fill. After that, feelings returned gradually, unpredictably. Joy at my morning coffee. Irritation at traffic. Affection when my husband held my hand. Gratitude for a kind gesture. Fear during a tense moment at work. They were small, these feelings. Not the overwhelming emotions I'd shut down years ago, but manageable ones. Real ones. Evidence that I was inhabiting my life again instead of just observing it. The Ongoing Journey A year later, I'm not completely "healed." I still have stretches of flatness, days when the grayness returns and everything feels muted. But they're the exception now, not my constant state. I've learned that emptiness was my mind's way of protecting me from more pain than I could handle. But in protecting me from pain, it also shut me off from joy, from love, from connection, from life itself. The work now is staying present with whatever I feel—even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's painful. Because the alternative to feeling is that terrible emptiness. And I never want to go back there. I've learned to recognize the warning signs—when I start going through motions without presence, when colors start to seem less vivid, when I catch myself smiling without meaning it. That's when I know I need to pause, to check in, to make sure I'm not sliding back into the void. The Truth About Emptiness If you're reading this and recognizing yourself—if you're not sad but you're not okay, if you're functioning but not living, if you're going through motions but not feeling anything—I want you to know: this is depression too. Even though it doesn't look like what you thought depression would look like. Emptiness is as valid a form of suffering as sadness. Just because you're not crying doesn't mean you're not hurting. Just because you're functioning doesn't mean you're okay. You're not weak for feeling nothing. You're not broken for going numb. Your system did what it had to do to survive. But you don't have to stay there. Feelings can return. The void can fill. The grayness can give way to color again. It takes time, it takes help, it takes patience. But it's possible. You're not gone. You're just sleeping. And with the right support, you can wake up. Emptiness isn't the absence of depression—it's depression disguised as functioning. When your emotional system shuts down to protect you from overwhelm, you don't collapse dramatically. You just... fade. You perform life without experiencing it, exist without living, function without feeling. But numbness isn't your natural state. It's your nervous system's emergency shutdown, and it was never meant to be permanent. The feelings you think are gone aren't dead—they're dormant, waiting for you to create enough safety to let them return. You're not a broken person. You're an exhausted one. And exhaustion, with time and care, can heal.
By Ameer Moavia4 days ago in Psyche
Decision Fatigue and the Hidden Cost of Constant Choice. AI-Generated.
Modern life is defined by choice. From the moment we wake up, we are faced with decisions: what to wear, what to eat, which messages to answer first, how to structure the day, what to buy, what to avoid. While choice is often framed as a form of freedom, psychology reveals a more complicated reality. Too many decisions, even small and seemingly harmless ones, can exhaust the mind. This phenomenon is known as decision fatigue, a subcategory of cognitive psychology that explores how repeated decision-making depletes mental energy and affects judgment, impulse control, and emotional regulation.
By Kyle Butler5 days ago in Psyche
The Psychology of Living in Your Head
I was at dinner with friends when I realized I had no idea what anyone had been talking about for the last fifteen minutes. They were laughing, animated, fully present in the moment. Meanwhile, I was three conversations deep in my own head—replaying something awkward I'd said two hours ago, planning tomorrow's presentation, and simultaneously worrying about whether I'd come across as distant by not contributing enough to this very conversation I wasn't actually having. My best friend touched my arm. "You okay? You seem a million miles away." She had no idea. I wasn't a million miles away. I was right there at the table, but I was also simultaneously existing in seventeen different mental dimensions, none of which were the present moment. "Sorry," I mumbled. "Just tired." But I wasn't tired. I was just living in my head again. Like always. The Inner World That Never Sleeps For as long as I can remember, my mental life has been louder, more vivid, and more consuming than my actual life. While my body moves through the world—working, eating, talking—my mind is elsewhere, running a constant stream of thoughts, scenarios, conversations, and narratives that never stop. I live in a perpetual state of analysis. Every interaction gets dissected afterward. Every decision gets examined from forty-seven angles. Every feeling gets intellectualized, categorized, and filed away for future rumination. My therapist calls it "being in your head." I call it my default state of existence. Other people seem to just be—they go to the gym and think about the gym. They watch movies and experience the story. They have conversations and stay in those conversations. I go to the gym and plan my entire week. I watch movies and critique the dialogue while simultaneously thinking about my own life's narrative arc. I have conversations while having three other conversations with myself about the conversation I'm supposed to be having. It's exhausting. But it's also the only way I know how to exist. The Architects of Overthinking I wasn't born this way. Or maybe I was, but life certainly reinforced it. Growing up, my household was unpredictable. Not chaotic in an obvious way, but emotionally volatile. I learned early that survival meant prediction—if I could think through every possible scenario, anticipate every reaction, analyze every mood shift, I could stay safe. My mind became my refuge and my fortress. When the outside world felt uncertain, I could retreat inward, where I had complete control. I could replay conversations until I found the "right" response. I could plan futures in meticulous detail. I could create entire worlds that made sense in ways reality never did. School rewarded this tendency. Teachers praised my thoughtfulness, my ability to see multiple perspectives, my rich inner life. "She's an old soul," they'd say. "Very introspective." What they didn't see was that I wasn't choosing introspection. I was trapped in it. The Prison of Possibility Living in your head means living in infinite possibility—and infinite paralysis. Every decision becomes monumental because I can see every potential outcome. Choosing a restaurant requires weighing seventeen variables. Sending a simple email takes an hour because I'm analyzing every word choice, every possible interpretation, every way it could be misunderstood. My partner once joked that I could turn "Should we get pizza tonight?" into an existential crisis. He wasn't wrong. But it's not funny when you're the one drowning in it. When your brain treats every choice like a choose-your-own-adventure book with infinite pages. When you're so busy thinking about living that you forget to actually live. I've missed so much because I was too busy processing it. Sunsets I didn't see because I was ruminating. Conversations I didn't hear because I was rehearsing what I'd say next. Moments of joy that passed me by because I was already analyzing them, trying to capture and preserve them instead of simply experiencing them.
By Ameer Moavia5 days ago in Psyche
Why We Imagine the Worst-Case Scenario
It started with a text message that never came. My boyfriend had said he'd call me after his interview. It was 6 p.m., then 7 p.m., then 8 p.m. By 9 p.m., I'd convinced myself he was dead. Not just hurt—dead. Car accident. Mugging gone wrong. Sudden brain aneurysm. I'd already mentally planned his funeral, imagined telling his parents, and pictured myself in black at the cemetery when my phone finally buzzed. "Sorry babe! Interview ran long, then grabbed drinks with the team. How was your day?" I stared at the message, my heart still hammering, hands still shaking. Three hours I'd spent in hell. Three hours of vivid, terrible scenarios playing on loop in my mind. And for what? He'd been fine. Happy, even. That's when I realized: my brain wasn't protecting me. It was torturing me. The Catastrophe Factory I've been a catastrophic thinker for as long as I can remember. Show me any situation, and I'll show you seventeen ways it could end in disaster. A friend doesn't text back? They've decided they hate me and are ghosting me forever. A slight headache? Definitely a brain tumor. My boss wants to "chat"? I'm getting fired, losing my apartment, and will end up homeless. Turbulence on a plane? We're going down, and I've already written my last words to my family in my head. It's exhausting. Every day is a mental obstacle course of imagined tragedies that never materialize. And yet, I can't stop. My brain insists on preparing for the worst, as if anticipating disaster will somehow prevent it. The Genetics of Worry My therapist once asked me, "Where did you learn to think this way?" The answer came immediately: my mother. Growing up, every minor inconvenience was treated like a catastrophe. If my dad was ten minutes late coming home, my mother would pace the kitchen, convinced he'd been in an accident. If I had a cough, she'd keep me home from school, certain it would turn into pneumonia. If the phone rang after 9 p.m., she'd answer it with a trembling voice, already bracing for bad news. I absorbed her anxiety like a sponge. I learned that the world was dangerous, that disaster lurked around every corner, and that the best way to protect yourself was to imagine every terrible possibility before it happened. The logic was twisted but compelling: if I could predict the worst, maybe I could prevent it. Or at least, I wouldn't be blindsided by it. But all I really learned was how to suffer twice—once in my imagination and once if it actually happened. The Illusion of Control Here's what I've come to understand about catastrophic thinking: it's not really about the future. It's about control. When life feels uncertain or chaotic, our brains scramble for a sense of agency. We can't control whether bad things happen, but we can control our mental preparation for them. Catastrophizing becomes a security blanket—uncomfortable, but familiar. I noticed this pattern clearly during the pandemic. While the world was genuinely scary, my catastrophic thinking went into overdrive. I wasn't just worried about getting sick; I was planning for economic collapse, societal breakdown, and the end of civilization as we knew it. My therapist pointed out something crucial: "You're so busy preparing for the worst that you're missing the present moment entirely. And ironically, all this mental preparation doesn't actually help you handle real problems when they arise." She was right. When actual challenges came—losing my job, my grandmother's death, a real health scare—all my catastrophic preparation was useless. The scenarios I'd imagined were never quite right, and the energy I'd spent worrying could have been spent living. The Brain's Ancient Wiring There's a reason catastrophic thinking is so common: evolution. Our ancestors who imagined the worst—who saw every rustling bush as a potential predator—were more likely to survive than the optimists who assumed everything was fine. Anxiety kept them alive. Vigilance was rewarded. But here's the problem: our brains haven't caught up to modern life. We're still operating with software designed for life-or-death situations, applying it to emails, traffic, and social media. That rustling bush is now an unanswered text. That potential predator is now a cryptic comment from our boss. Our amygdala—the brain's alarm system—can't tell the difference between actual danger and imagined threats. So it treats everything like an emergency.
By Ameer Moavia5 days ago in Psyche
Situational Depression: Causes, Symptoms, Recovery, and How to Heal After Life’s Challenges
Life does not always go as planned. Unexpected events such as academic failure, job loss, relationship breakdowns, or family conflicts can deeply affect emotional stability.
By Daily Motivation5 days ago in Psyche
The Emotional Exhaustion of Always Being Alert
I woke up at 3 a.m., heart racing, body drenched in sweat. There was no nightmare. No sound had startled me awake. My brain had simply decided, as it did most nights, that sleep was a luxury I couldn't afford. I lay there in the dark, listening to my partner breathe peacefully beside me, and felt a familiar wave of exhaustion wash over me. Not the kind that sleep could fix. The kind that lived in my bones, that made every day feel like I was walking through water, that came from spending every waking moment on high alert for dangers that rarely came. I was twenty-nine years old, and I was so tired of being tired. The Weight of Invisible Armor Most people don't understand what it's like to live in a body that never feels safe. They don't know what it's like to walk into a coffee shop and immediately catalog all the exits. To sit in meetings only half-listening because you're too busy reading everyone's micro-expressions for signs of anger or disappointment. To come home after a normal day and feel like you've run a marathon because your nervous system has been in fight-or-flight mode for eight straight hours. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt truly relaxed. Even on vacation—especially on vacation—I was scanning for problems, planning for disasters, preparing for things to go wrong. My friends would laugh at the beach while I mentally reviewed our emergency contacts and the location of the nearest hospital. "You worry too much," they'd say, not unkindly. But it wasn't worry. Worry is a choice. This was a compulsion, a biological imperative, a survival mechanism that had forgotten to turn off long after the danger had passed. Learning to Live in Threat Mode I didn't always live like this. Or maybe I did, and I just didn't notice until it started breaking me. Growing up, my home was unpredictable. Not violent in the traditional sense, but volatile. My father's moods were weather systems I learned to forecast—a certain tone of voice meant a storm was coming, a particular kind of silence meant I should disappear into my room. My mother's anxiety was contagious, her catastrophic thinking a constant background hum that taught me the world was dangerous and disaster lurked around every corner. I became hypervigilant out of necessity. The girl who could sense tension before it erupted. The child who perfected the art of reading rooms and adjusting herself accordingly. The teenager who never fully relaxed because relaxing meant being caught off guard. It kept me safe then. But now? Now it was killing me slowly, one anxious moment at a time. The Thousand Tiny Calculations People don't see the work that hypervigilance requires. They don't see the constant calculations running in the background of my mind: Is my boss's email shorter than usual? Did I do something wrong? Why did my friend take three hours to respond? Are they mad at me? My partner seems quiet. Is this the beginning of the end? Every interaction becomes a puzzle to solve, every silence a threat to decode. I'm exhausted before lunch because I've already survived a dozen imagined catastrophes that never happened. At the grocery store, I'm planning escape routes. At dinner parties, I'm monitoring everyone's alcohol intake in case someone gets aggressive. During normal conversations, I'm three steps ahead, anticipating conflict and preparing my defense. My therapist calls it hyperarousal. My body calls it normal. The rest of the world calls it anxiety. They're all right. The Body That Remembers The cruelest part of hypervigilance is that it lives in your body, not just your mind. I could intellectually understand that I was safe, that my current life bore no resemblance to my childhood, that most people weren't threats. But my nervous system didn't get the memo. My heart still raced when someone raised their voice—even in excitement. My stomach still dropped when I heard footsteps approaching quickly. My shoulders still tensed when I heard keys in the door, even though it was just my partner coming home from work. Trauma had taught my body that survival meant constant vigilance. And bodies, it turns out, are slow learners when it comes to unlearning fear. I tried everything to calm down. Meditation made me more anxious—sitting still only gave my brain more time to catastrophize. Exercise helped, but only temporarily. Alcohol worked until it didn't, until one glass became three became a problem I didn't want to admit. What I needed wasn't relaxation techniques. What I needed was to convince my nervous system that it was finally, truly safe. The Breaking Point My wake-up call came on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon. I was driving home from work, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. My vision tunneled. My hands went numb. I pulled over, certain I was having a heart attack. At the emergency room, after hours of tests, the doctor gave me the diagnosis I'd been avoiding: panic attack. Severe anxiety. Chronic stress. "Your body is in a constant state of crisis," she explained gently. "You're running on adrenaline and cortisol all the time. Eventually, something has to give." I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Because she was right. Something had given. My body, after years of being ignored, had finally screamed loud enough to get my attention.
By Ameer Moavia5 days ago in Psyche
How Anxiety Traps the Brain in Survival Mode
I lived for five years like I was being chased by a predator no one else could see. My heart raced at traffic lights. My hands trembled during normal conversations. My body prepared for catastrophe every waking moment. The threat wasn't real—but my nervous system didn't know that. It started with the panic attacks. The first one hit me in a grocery store on a Saturday afternoon. One moment I was reaching for cereal, the next my heart was pounding so hard I thought it would explode. My vision tunneled. My chest constricted. I couldn't breathe. I was certain—absolutely certain—I was having a heart attack and would die right there in aisle seven. I abandoned my cart and stumbled outside, gasping, shaking, convinced these were my final moments. Twenty minutes later, I was fine. Physically fine. The ER doctor confirmed it: "Just a panic attack. Your heart is healthy. You're okay." But I wasn't okay. Because my brain had just learned something terrifying: danger could strike anywhere, anytime, without warning. And if it could happen in a safe, ordinary grocery store, it could happen anywhere. From that day forward, my brain decided I was never safe. And it's been trying to save my life ever since—from threats that don't exist. The Alarm That Won't Stop After that first panic attack, my nervous system essentially got stuck with its finger on the panic button. My body remained in a constant state of high alert, scanning every environment for potential danger, interpreting normal sensations as emergency signals, preparing to fight or flee from threats that weren't there. Heart rate slightly elevated? Must be another heart attack coming. Feeling dizzy from standing up too fast? Something's wrong. You're dying. Chest feels tight? Can't breathe. This is it. Every normal bodily sensation became evidence of impending catastrophe. My brain, trying to protect me, had become my greatest threat. The anxiety spread like a virus through my life. I stopped going to grocery stores—too dangerous, too triggering. Then restaurants. Then anywhere crowded. Then anywhere that wasn't home. My world shrank to the size of my apartment, and even there, I wasn't safe from my own nervous system. I couldn't explain to people what was happening. "There's nothing to be anxious about," they'd say, and they were right. Objectively, logically, rationally—there was no real danger. But my brain wasn't operating logically anymore. It was operating from a part far older and more primitive than logic—the part that keeps you alive when there's actual danger. Except it couldn't tell the difference between real danger and perceived danger. To my nervous system, it was all the same threat. Understanding the Trap My therapist drew me a diagram of the brain—the prefrontal cortex up top, responsible for rational thinking, and the amygdala buried deeper, responsible for fear and survival responses. "In a healthy system," she explained, "these work together. The amygdala detects potential threats and alerts the prefrontal cortex, which assesses whether the threat is real. If it's not, the cortex tells the amygdala to stand down." She drew an arrow showing the communication loop. Then she drew a big red X through it. "In anxiety disorders, especially after panic attacks, this communication breaks down. The amygdala keeps sending danger signals, but the prefrontal cortex can't override them. Your thinking brain knows you're safe, but your survival brain doesn't believe it. So you stay stuck in survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze—even though there's nothing to survive." That explained everything. Why I could logically know I was safe but still feel terrified. Why rational thinking didn't make the anxiety go away. Why my body responded to a text message or a phone call like it was a life-threatening emergency. My brain had essentially lost the ability to feel safe. The survival system was running the show, and it only knew one setting: danger. Life in Survival Mode Living in constant survival mode is like being a soldier who never comes home from war. Your body maintains battle-ready status 24/7, flooding your system with stress hormones, keeping your muscles tensed, your senses heightened, your mind scanning for threats. Except there's no battle. There's just normal life—work, relationships, errands, conversations. But your body treats it all like combat. I couldn't sleep because my brain interpreted relaxation as vulnerability. I couldn't eat normally because my stomach was perpetually clenched. I couldn't focus because my attention was constantly pulled toward potential threats—a weird look from someone, an unexpected sound, a change in plans. My memory started failing. Not surprising—when your brain is focused entirely on survival, it doesn't bother filing away mundane information like where you put your keys or what someone said five minutes ago. I was exhausted constantly, but in a way that sleep couldn't fix. This was nervous system exhaustion—the kind that comes from your body being in crisis mode month after month with no relief. My immune system weakened. I caught every cold, every flu. Chronic inflammation showed up in bloodwork. My body was cannibalizing itself, burning through resources to fuel a state of emergency that never ended.
By Ameer Moavia5 days ago in Psyche
My Experience on Silencing Autism
I wanted to do an educational article on something that has recently come up in my attention. I was having lunch with some of my peers - and one of the ladies spoke briefly about someone she provides care for: "You know, so-and-so still is so loud and needs to learn to not make everyone miserable just because she is miserable." The so-and-so is an autistic individual and I wanted to say something then, but bit my tongue.
By The Schizophrenic Mom6 days ago in Psyche
