The complexities of sexual desire are far greater than one might assume.

What is the sensation of being 'turned on' meant to be like? The prevailing narratives surrounding us suggest that it is a straightforward and instinctive experience, particularly for the younger population. However, sexual desire is far from being a simple matter. What constitutes sexual desire? While the topic at hand is indeed sex, it is essential to recognize that sexual desire encompasses both physical and mental health dimensions. There exists a substantial body of legitimate scientific research on this subject, yet it is often regarded as taboo or inappropriate, resulting in numerous significant issues remaining unaddressed. Sexual desire can be defined as the yearning for some form of sexual engagement, whether with another person or oneself, as the concept of desire itself is not entirely comprehended. It is frequently likened to the experience of hunger. For instance, one may crave a particular food item, yet this does not necessarily lead to a physical response, such as salivation. In this context, arousal refers to the physical reaction that accompanies desire. Essentially, an individual may wish to engage in sexual activity without experiencing physical arousal, and conversely, one may find themselves physically aroused without any accompanying mental desire.

Emotional desire to participate in sexual activities can sometimes be misaligned with physical arousal. This phenomenon is referred to as arousal non-concordance, and research indicates that women are more prone to this experience than men. To gain a deeper understanding of such issues, it is crucial to differentiate between physical arousal and sexual desire. In fact, desire can be categorized into two distinct types: spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Spontaneous desire occurs when the thought or feeling of wanting to engage in sexual activity arises unexpectedly. In contrast, responsive desire manifests when an individual may not initially feel inclined towards sexual activity, but after engaging in intimate actions such as kissing, touching, or flirting, they begin to develop a desire for sex.

A prevalent misconception about desire is the belief that it should only be spontaneous. This misunderstanding perpetuates common stereotypes, such as the notion that men possess uncontrollable sexual urges while women have minimal inherent desire. However, this is a significant misrepresentation of reality. Individuals of any sex or gender can experience both spontaneous and responsive desire. In fact, spontaneous desire occurs less frequently than many assume; most individuals tend to experience responsive desire, although both types can coexist in varying degrees.

Responsive desire was only recognized and defined approximately two decades ago, and much of the prevailing discourse surrounding sex fails to adequately address this concept, often presenting it in a negative light. Many individuals report feelings of low desire, but could this be attributed to the fact that they are experiencing responsive desire in a society that predominantly emphasizes spontaneous desire? Ultimately, the explanation lies within the complexities of brain function. This is not to suggest that it is merely a psychological issue; there is substantial neuroscientific evidence to support this. Essentially, our brains operate with both brakes and accelerators, where the sexual excitation system serves as the accelerator, influencing our perceptions and responses.

A sexually transmitted infection is influenced by various factors, and research indicates that two systems operate in conjunction, referred to as the dual control model. When sexual excitement surpasses inhibitions, individuals are more likely to engage in sexual activity. Conversely, when inhibitions exceed excitement, the likelihood of sexual engagement diminishes. It is important to recognize that individuals may possess varying sensitivities to these controls, resulting in a unique combination for each person, which is entirely normal. Furthermore, our cognitive processes are not isolated; they are shaped by numerous external and internal influences. Factors such as medications, previous experiences, physical and mental health, body image, relationship dynamics, trauma, personal sexual history, and societal messages regarding sexuality all play a significant role in shaping sexual desire. This complexity contributes to the challenges faced by professionals in the medical and mental health fields when attempting to identify the underlying causes of Hyposexual Desire Disorder. Individuals who perceive themselves as having low sexual desire may feel inadequate or unwell, which can adversely affect their quality of life and complicate relationships and sexual experiences. This situation also presents an opportunity for wellness and pharmaceutical companies to market products that claim to remedy the issue. However, it is essential to consider that one may be perfectly normal, and it is our societal perceptions of normalcy that warrant examination. Until the early 2000s, research on the dual control model predominantly focused on men, leading to the establishment of scientific and medical standards for sexual desire and response that were indiscriminately applied to all individuals. Consequently, these norms may not accurately reflect the experiences of many. It is crucial to understand that sexual desire is fluid and can evolve throughout one’s life.

It is advisable to consult with your OB-GYN or primary care physician regarding this matter. Ultimately, it is important to recognize that in the realm of health, each individual is distinct, and this principle extends to sexual health as well. Therefore, what is considered normal will vary from person to person, as there is no universal standard applicable to all. Take the opportunity to understand what excites you personally. Engage with your own desires, explore them, discuss openly, and identify the environments that are most conducive to your well-being.