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Recovering from narcissistic abuse using CBT
Being subjected to abuse by a narcissist can have its toll on your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. The process of trying to recover and heal from the abuse can be equally exhausting. Matter of fact, it can be very challenging to overcome the trauma caused by narcissistic abuse if you lack the skills and knowledge to do so. But, don't worry! This article is going to show you exactly how to heal after narcissist abuse in the shortest time possible with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) CBT is a psychological intervention that focuses on modifying undesirable behavioral patterns by trying to change negative thought processes. In order to achieve its purpose, CBT is often undertaken in three major steps. First, you have to undergo cognitive restructuring whereby you pinpoint irrational thoughts, and challenge them to enhance healthy thinking. Then, you go through behavioral change strategies that ensure replacement of unhelpful actions with positive alternatives. Both cognitive restructuring and behavioral change strategies are facilitated by a third aspect - skill building - that involves learning coping mechanisms and practical skills for stress and emotional management under challenging circumstances. Upon physical, emotional, and psychological abuse by a person with a narcissism disorder, the probability of cognitive distortions occuring is considerably high. Some of the most common cognitive distortions are catastrophic thinking, discounting positive thoughts or mental filtering, jumping to conclusions, black and white thinking, and overgeneralization. This article will address each cognitive distortion and provide CBT-based solutions. Cognitive distortions related to narcissistic abuse and their CBT-based solutions Catastrophic thinking First, catastrophic thinking is the tendency of assuming that the worst-case scenario is going to happen in almost all situations. This can occur despite existing evidence suggesting otherwise. For instance, upon breaking off a relationship with a narcissist, you might find yourself thinking that you will become socially isolated if you used to spend most of your time with them. These thoughts might keep recurring despite the fact that you have supportive friends and family that are ready to be there for you. Solution: Reality checks and mindfulness When you find yourself having such thoughts, some of the most effective coping mechanisms are reality checks and mindfulness. For instance, when you start catastrophism, you can apply reality checks by assessing the probability of the worst-case scenario occuring while examining other alternatives. Rather than assuming the worst outcome will manifest, ask yourself what is the likelihood of that happening? Is there a different and more realistic outcome? Also, you can manage catastrophic thinking by adopting mindfulness whereby you are highly aware of your thoughts. Thus, when they veer off into overwhelming fears about the future, you focus on redirecting them into the present moment. Mental filtering Second, discounting positive thoughts or mental filtering is a cognitive distortion that involves disregarding the positive dimensions of your life, experiences, other people, and the immediate environment. In the context of narcissistic abuse, you might have been constantly reminded about your failures, and called a life failure by the narcissist. Based on these events, you might start disregarding any successful aspects of your life and undermining your achievements. You'll only focus on your failures and start perceiving yourself as a looser. Solution: Gratitude journals and positive affirmations In order to deal with discounting positive thoughts or mental filtering, you could utilize coping skills such as gratitude journals and positive affirmations. With gratitude journals, you can keep a personal diary to jot down the positive experiences in your life - the little wins and achievements - such as cutting some weight, remembering to take your medication, being commended for something at work, and compliments about your fashion sense or physique. On the other hand, positive affirmations involves replacement of harmful thinking with positive thought processes in order to develop a healthy self-image. For instance, when you find yourself thinking you're a looser you should tell yourself over and over that you're not a failure and it's normal to fall sometimes as nobody has a consistent winning streak. The coping mechanism of positive affirmation is more or less giving yourself mental pet talks. Jumping to conclusions The third cognitive distortion - jumping to conclusions - involves making assumptions about the thoughts and intentions of other people. If you have undergone narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself jumping into conclusions by thinking that everyone you meet and interact with is planning to break your trust, emotionally and physiologically manipulate you, or hurt you. Solution: Seeking clarification and gathering evidence So as to avoid this particular cognitive distortion you can learn two major coping mechanisms - seeking clarification and gathering evidence. Rather than make assumptions about people's intentions, you should try to communicate with them and clarify on issues so you don't misinterpret their actions. For example, if you feel like you've angered someone, you should ask them so rather than make conclusions based on your observations. You might find that you had misread the situation. Also, consider as much evidence as possible about your predictions before assuming them to be valid. Indiscriminate collection of supporting and contradicting evidence for your assumptions can aid in terms of reducing irrational thought processes and promoting balanced thinking. Overgeneralization The fourth cognitive distortion - overgeneralization - essentially involves having harmful thoughts and negative beliefs about oneself or other people that are excessively generalized. For instance, a person in a relationship with a narcissist might generalize that everyone else might treat them as poorly as the narcissist did. Solution: Reality testing and counterexamples You can deal with the cognitive distortion of overgeneralization by applying coping mechanisms such as reality testing and counterexamples. Case in point, you can relate and associate with other people and actually observe whether they are going to treat you respectfully or poorly. You can also assess all people within your social circle as unique and individual entities. This will help you acquire evidence that challenges the overgeneralization of all people treating you badly because a narcissist did so. Besides, you can identify situations or events in the past where you did overgeneralization but your negative assumptions were disproved by the actual occurrence. This will be vital in regards to breaking extreme thinking patterns. Black and white thinking Fifth, there is the cognitive distortion of black and white thinking. This involves categorizing people, situations, experiences, and aspects of life as either good or bad, with no in between or grey area. People with this cognitive distortion struggle with considering factors that complicate human behavior. They can't understand that good people can do mistakes and wrong people without meaning to. In the context of abuse by a narcissist, one can judge someone as completely untrustworthy for scolding them one time despite there being probable cause. This is because the person struggles to see the shaded or grey areas that exist in life. Solution: Contextualization and acknowledgement of shades of grey When black and white thinking manifests, you can control it via coping skills such as contextualization and acknowledgement of shades of grey. The first coping skills - contextualization - involves perceiving people and situations as highly complicated, and making conclusions based on the specific context and the bigger picture. The second coping skill - shades of grey - is a technique that enhances ones capability of recognizing the middle-ground possibilities while limiting extreme thinking. Life can rarely be all good or all bad as there are many shades of grey in between.
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