Solace

Ten years back, there was a time when my life was at a standstill; I lost pretty much everything one after another. Sleep was a boon and the only peace I got now. The entire catastrophe began with increasing debt from a company that my dad created, a company that he gave all his energy, love, and the precious time he would have got to spend with us. The debt was enormous, and the debt took away everything with it. Lost home, friends, right school, good neighborhood, peace, and the most significant loss was my father. My mom and I had to move to a rented home. To meet the ends, I had to drop from school and start working. Days and nights passed without my knowledge. I felt more like a machine than a human; I thought I was losing the human part and feeling or emotions. I never felt any.

Then one day, it happened.

Our family lawyer came to our rented apartment. It was my birthday. My mom and I sat silently to hear the news from our lawyer. She slowly started talking. She talked about how the case complete, and we have nothing left from the proceedings. I sighed and stood up to leave. She asked me to stay for some more time. She talked to me about my great grandfather, how rich he was, and how he became rich. My mind had lost focus. It felt more like a motivational speech to a dead person. At the end of the boring talk, she gave me an envelope. She said Your grandfather wanted to pass it on to you on your 16th birthday. She left the place. I didn’t feel to open the envelope.

We celebrated my birthday before leaving for the job, with a candle on a cupcake that my mom brought from where she worked part-time. At night I kept staring at the broken walls. Sleep was not blessing me today. Today the lawyer’s appearance brought a lot of painful memories about my past. Slowly I felt an urge to open the envelope to get my mind off my pain. The envelope had a beautiful black leather book. It had a lovely sense of charm and a mist of mystery around it. I opened it slowly. On the first page, I saw a shabbily written note.

To my grandson/granddaughter, who I will never have a privilege to know or meet.

I kept slowly reading the pages. Each page gave me an urge to read more. It was all about how he felt when he was 16 and the hardships he faced in his life as an orphan. His experience from various foster parents and how hurt he was. I felt a kind of enlightenment after reading through all, I can survive this; I have to get off my past. Each treachery he faced, each money he lost made him more aggressive for things around him. He fought as if he did not have any boundaries or limits. Before dawn, I read most of the black book. The book was speaking to me as my dad was talking to me when I was very young. I slept, and in the dream, I enjoyed the company of my dad and an older man with a beard. Before my sleep broke, he said, "complete my journey".

The next day was beautiful for me. I started noticing the beauty around me, and I smiled after a long time. Few days past and I made friends and started enjoying my new life. My mother even doubted if I was on drugs. I started attending part-time classes. My granddad had mentioned the biggest failure in his life was not to complete his education. After three months, I again got an urge to complete the black book. Each time I wanted to finish the book,i was drawn into one or another. At last, I reached the final pages of the book. By the end of the book, my granddad was becoming a sort of a lunatic. He kept saying many things in a circle which did not make sense to me. He kept mentioning my gift to you is all I have to give, and I am not sure if you are worth it or you even need it. I got bored, and I left the book on the table. The book lay down for some time on my table. Life continued and I completed my school, i wanted to go to college, but it was challenging without money.

I got the letter from the college I applied but with a minimal scholarship. I understood I wouldn’t be able to make it without any help. I didnt give up, tried calling my uncle’s, old neighbors. Again i started getting frustrated to a point i realized the dream of going to college would not happen. I had few days before the final date to call and accept the letter from the college. But there was no way to make it happen. I could not sleep in the night; Again, I saw the black book tucked away among other books. i took it. Instead of peace, I was feeling anger. I was burning in my own rage, the book was all that started my right part of life, and now I am failing and won’t get anything out of my hard work even though I worked hard to get accepted into a college. The rage made me throw the black book on the wall, but I was not done i don’t know; I threw it again and again until my mom started knocking on the doors. I stopped I took a razor and wanted to cut myself open, but then I thought of my mom. I don’t know when I slept. My eyes opened in the morning i slowly got up suddenly, I noticed something on the book. My bashing had torn open the black leather front, and it revealed a laminated paper.

The laminated paper was a check from my granddad to me. A check that changed my life, made me graduate and helped me to start a living. A check of $20,000.