Seen and Unseen Pain causes different reactions

Has anyone ever asked you what you're afraid of? I've been asked, and I've seen people ask that question of others in movies. I don't usually ask that question, because I figure if they wanted to deal with it, they'd start that conversation without my provocation. I don't like to pry. I think about fears more than I probably should and I think that's because a large portion of Generation X would wear t-shirts that read "No Fear" or put that bumper sticker on their POS cars. That's not me. I have plenty of fears. I'm not a hypochondriac and some have even called me "brave" for the ability to address a fear and face it sometimes. After having done that many times, I realized that though I could face a fear, maybe even conquer it to some degree (like my fear of heights doesn't stop me from going up in an airplane or up to the top floor of a skyscraper), fear remains a part of me. People do not respect fear. They respect courage. Yet I've witnessed more foolishness and dangerous behavior occur in the name of courage, not fear. So my conclusion is this: lovers and seekers of wisdom have a healthy relationship and respect for fear. Fear as a personality is the first to mention "danger" and knowing that something is "dangerous" is a key to wisdom.

Most people fear death. That's normal. If you don't fear death, some will think you have a mental illness, especially if you look forward to death or think about it too much. I've spent most of my life thinking about death and most people do consider me mentally ill, which is why I say this. I often say "Death isn't as scary as Pain" and I'm not the first or only one to think that way. So when someone asks me what I'm afraid of now the answer is on auto-reply: Pain. It's very basic, but it's also the most honest answer I can provide.

I don't like the phrase "Life's not fair" --- I think it's a cop out reply or statement that people use when someone is complaining because they don't have a better answer or solution. I think it's much truer for us to say "Life is full of pain" --- That's not a cop out, that's just a fact. It doesn't matter what you think of when you think of life (plant, animal, human) anything "alive" does experience pain. Pain is the indicator that you are still alive. This is why some people cut or burn themselves and get labelled masochists. They got desensitized or numbed somewhere in some traumatic episode of their lives, and they want Pain to remind them that they didn't die. It may seem surreal to those who have never "been there". (How or Why do they question their "living" if they are still breathing, talking, walking, etc?) It's because they can't feel their "life" --- the numbness is making them feel like a walking talking corpse, so some of them will inflict pain upon themselves just as a reminder that they still exist. If the pain isn't enough to shock them back into life, or if their depression is too overwhelming, they could go down the path of suicidal ideation, where Death is the hero who will kill both the numbness and the pain.

Pain is a very abstract concept. When we see a broken bone or flesh that is bleeding, we automatically think it's painful. Perception isn't always 100% accurate though. For example, I was in a lot of mental and emotional pain in 2023. I tried to speak of it rationally and calmly, but since no one could see the pain, they either didn't believe me or thought that I was exaggerating. But when I took a hunting knife to my arm and sliced it and showed them the blood that was spilling out, all of the sudden they could see the "pain" and I was "baker acted" and hospitalized. I finally got some attention because words and communication were not effective. The ironic part is that the cut on my arm hurt so much less than the pain inside that I was feeling that words could not help me with. I have a minor scar on that arm where I cut myself and I'm proud of it, because it proves that cliche correct for me "Actions speak louder than words". No one would act on my words. I had to act first, to get them to act.

Every day I suffer mental anguish. I have been "hearing voices" since 2001. It's not just voices from the television or the radio or from some people at the store ---No. I hear voices from unexplainable sources. Is it the tree? The bird? The squirrel? My cat? I don't know where all those voices are coming from. The shrinks tried medication for years hoping they could stop or block those voices. None of the medications ever stopped it. Sometimes it's so overwhelming that I start talking back to the walls or the television or anything, just because I can't stand another minute of listening to it. It's painful. But no one sees that pain. They only see pain in broken bones and blood spilling. They don't see pain in strong people. They only see pain if someone is crying. If you don't cry at the funeral, they dont' see your pain. You'll get no sympathy for being strong. Not that waterworks or crocodile tears gaurantees empathy, but it's more likely to receive kindness and warmth than strength or courage.

Here's the thing. Strong and brave people get hurt too. They break down too. Weak people are always leaning on the strong. They "try them" "push them" "put them down" "walk on them" "stretch them" and when the strong person breaks, they play the victim. It's narcissist and cruel and rarely apologetic. Yet when a strong person cuts their arm or attempts suicide, the people who say they want to help, don't listen to words. They punish the person even more for "breaking" while that person is still wondering if the "abusers" could ever comprehend how much pain was felt?

Why did I put a photograph of a cannibis greenhouse with this article about emotional or mental pain? I'll tell you why. People have been resorting to medicinal treatments for unseen pain for centuries whether it was deemed legal or illegal. Have a headache? There's a pill for that. Broke a bone? Hmmm...morphine or opiates? Anxiety or panic attacks? Where's mother's little helper? Is it valium or wellbutrin or is it herbal tea or marijuana? Why did they write a book for Alcoholic's Anonymous? Did they really hate alcohol and bars? Or were they just tired of abusive and reckless drunks beating people up or killing people before they got a DUI? Crazy stuff, isn't it? Should we be self-medicating ourselves? If the doctors won't listen and don't know which medicine is going to help, what choice do we have?