Roach Invasions are a Source of Stress

Some Buddhists have told me some stories about Buddha, saying that in his life he had experienced both wealth and poverty. I can relate very much to that life journey. In my life, I have resided at brand, new, top-of-the-line, luxury-style homes, and also called "home" some of the most disgusting, low-life places that some people would never want to imagine, let alone dwell in. I'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse. I chalked it up to some kind of survival lesson or spiritual lesson regarding the human journey and my personal growth in perspective and resilience.

After a long period of literally being homeless (defined as no address and no shelter) --- there was a piece of my Bipolar mind that accepted that any shelter was better than no shelter, yet in doing that I acquired some unique "survivor mode" habits that are not considered "typical" or "normal" regular people behaviors. The me from the past who had been called "spoiled" or "entitled" or "ungrateful" or "undeserving" who had known the "glamorous life" of fine dining, overstuffed closets filled with overpriced clothes, and a home of clean luxuries, was buried somewhere under the new me who thought that living under any roof was still better than sleeping on the sidewalk fearful of both criminals and cops.

Though I am Bipolar, Schizophrenic, and suffer symptoms of PTSD and MPD, I have strong memories. My strong memories are how I graduated from high school and college. My strong memories are how I can do anything that seems unusually skilled for a person who is "mentally ill". I did not have a "learning disability" such as ADD or Dislexia or Autism, though my diagnosis symptoms do appear similar to those.

As usual, I am building up to the current situation with information that will allow you reader to understand my perception and reaction and behavior to the problem as I see it now. I haven't been homeless in four years, though some of my actions and speech seems to be contrary to that fact. Since 2021, I have legally resided at the same address, though I've probably had about five different phone numbers.

The place I call "home" is probably the worse dwelling on the street where it is located. I do not know the exact history of this "building" so I can not report factually the date of origin, or the name of the designer/constructor, or even the names of any previous residents. In some of my other writings, I have explained some of the hardships of residing here such as crowded space, a decrepit moldy bathroom, and insect intrusions. Having been homeless, and having lived at places that still make this place look pretty good, I have tried to accept and tolerate those hardships to the best of my mental health ability.

In 2020, I was residing with my husband in an old, used RV. At one point, the RV became infested with Bed Bugs. I attempted to check myself into a homeless shelter for lack of anywhere else to stay during that problem, however I could not stay there so I had to sleep in my car or stay at a motel room or pitch a tent somewhere, until the bug problem was solved.

Since 2021, residing where I call home now, the "bug problem" is different, but it has gotten to a point where in my opinion it's as bad as having bed bugs. We have a gigantic bee hive inside the awning above the front door, we have a german roach infestation in every room including the moldy bathroom, and we also get other visitors occasionally like spiders, moths, ants, and wasps. The only reason we don't have a maggot problem is because I sweep, mop, wash dishes, and take the garbage out daily. If you think that the game Twister is fun, you should come over here and play a game of "Stomp a Roach" with me. I make jokes, but it's not really funny. It's stressful.

After dealing with a collapsed roof (from recent hurricanes) that had us staying "elsewhere" for repairs, and after dealing with 3 mental health stays under the Baker Act in 2023, I am beyond at the end of my rope in stress dealing with the "bug problem". I can't sugar coat it. I can't say to myself "This is still better than such and such" when I can't even sleep peacefully through the night for fear that I'm going to wake up with roaches crawling into my ears or nose. The stress is so overwhelming that I can't sleep or eat properly. Neither my past experiences or mental health can tolerate or solve the "problem".

I researched a solution. I called the Pest Control/Exterminator companies. I received their price quotes. I can not afford the only solution that is left. If I can't afford that solution, it's obvious I can't afford the other solution which is to move, go somewhere else.

I have a tent. I have a car. Should I ask Jesus or Santa to solve the bug problem? Or do I have to sleep in my tent and car again because homelessness is not solvable and I'm just too mentally ill to deserve living in a clean home without bug problems?