Psychology of Stalkers
And the phases of stalking
I dealt with an incident between the beginning of September, and hasn't stopped, that me want to write about this interesting topic. I wanted to share the story but I couldn't bring myself to. It was a TERRIFYING experience and writing what actually happened (rather than psychology and statistics) would be overwhelming for my mental health, seeing as the most recent incident was on December 28, only two days ago.
* * *
For starters, mental health issues are frequently a problem in stalking cases.
According to Psychology Today, half of a sample of stalkers had antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder was found to be more common in women stalkers.
Stalkers are motivated by the desire to control their victim's actions and feelings, along with maintaining connections despite the victim's wishes.
* * *
Phases of stalking behavior (with examples of each):
1. Unwanted Contact
-collecting information
-repeated phone calls, long/a lot of emails or letters
-sending notes, flowers, other romantic gestures
-following or waiting for their victim
-asking people to talk to them or convincing the victim to have a relationship with them
Unwanted Contact sounds like it could be scary but in my case it wasn't (until it was). It started with a regular customer at work who seemed like a cool guy and is only five years older than me.
2. Escalation
Initial advances were rejected and they may be losing connection, so they increase frequency. Some things that may happen at this point are:
-spreading rumors, negative things, and false information to people and places which are important to them
-direct and indirect threats such as kidnapping, taking the children, murder or bodily harm, or destruction of property through phone calls, emails, and sending or leaving notes (it's important for victims to keep ALL evidence)
-become more persistent in following the victim
-leaving evidence to remind the victim that they're still there
-break into victim's home
-leave dead animals, weapons, or bloody objects where the victim will see them
3. Violence
If stalkers still don't get what they want, the following may occur:
-severe threats, including blackmail
-vandalism
-physical attacks
-sexual assaults, including rape
-kidnapping
-attempted murder
-murder
*
Other potential behaviors:
-harassing phone calls, in context or frequency
-threats causing fear or apprehension
-monitoring the victim's activities
-spying on the victim, both in person and online
* * *
In the United States, about 15% of women (18.3 million) and 6% of men (6.5 million) have been stalked.
* * *
Although there is no way to know for a fact if the stalker will become violent, there are some potential indicators such as previous instances of violence and destruction of property.
* * *
This section is stuff I learned from my therapist, everything else was from the sources at the end.
Being a stalking victim has many effects on current and future relationships:
-lack of trust
-avoidance of people, even those they were close to
-emotional distress
-suspicious of people's motives
-fear of disclosure (judgement or going through it again)
-guilt and shame (often from people dismissing the victim's experience)
* * *
I'm not going into a lot of detail but I broke up with my ex after a little over a month because I was scared of him when he was sipping on his beer (he's an alcoholic and kept it at a steady blood alcohol level). I broke up towards the end of August and a week later, when I went to work, one of the managers handed me an envelope and said it was from him. Since then I have had dozens, if not hundreds, of calls from him using many different numbers. I blocked six phone numbers, I think, and a Facebook account. My mom suggested on Saturday, when he reached out again (which my phone detected as spam) to not block it because he will just make another phone number to use. I told my best friend as he was texting me and she said she agreed and turn off notifications so I don't panic as much. I took her advice so evidence can build up.
This was the second to last message from him. I edited only to get rid of my phone number, which was written three times... The one from when I gave it to him and then two that he wrote. It creeped me out a lot when I saw it.
* * * * *
Sources (because I didn't think anecdotal evidence is sufficient):
https://www.canyoncounty.id.gov/elected-officials/prosecuting-attorney/education/stalking/
About the Creator
Rene Peters
I write what I know, usually in the form of poetry. I tend to lean towards mental health, epilepsy, and loss/grieving.
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Comments (1)
I am glad you finally wrote this. I am glad you are using it to try to help other people. I am glad you got your mother 's support in all these. Stay safe. Keep fighting your good cause.