Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Mental Health - Panic Attack
Sometimes I feel like my brain turns to jelly, and slides out of my ears into a puddle on the floor around my feet. So I’m left with a hollow coconut skull, slipping up on my own thoughts. This results in a complete inability to carry out every day tasks without freaking out massively, and making giant astral comets out of tiny little moon craters.
By Laura Rose5 years ago in Psyche
The Pain of Leaving a Narcissist is Horrific and Temporary.
At first it is catastrophic, out of focus, indecisive, zombie-like, verge of tears or crying. Fragile, skittish anxiety meets lethargic lack luster existence, hyper vigilant paranoia and self doubt, constant bombardment of self defeating thoughts, inability to experience enjoyment, shaking in terror. Obsessively rehashing past conversations seeking understanding, bottomless grief. This is what we experience in the wake of narcissistic abuse. It eventually leaves our lives if we give ourselves adequate space and time to heal. In order to heal we need to dive right into the pain. We cannot get through it without first getting into it.
By Andrea B Wainer5 years ago in Psyche
Finding joy again
I'm not sure how or when it happened. But slowly over a period of time I guess I got stuck in my life. And that put me deeper and deeper into a depression. For me when I don't have a lot of change in my life, when I am not growing and changing, then I get depressed. It happened slowly over a period of time. I had started to realise that I was stuck in a routine of my life and knew that I had to make a change. However, being a working single parent that is a hard thing to do. A lot of times you need a routine of life, a schedule from work you need to do, a schedule for your kids in order for them to be okay. I think some times it is hard to shake things up really, change is also hard.
By Talara Nolan5 years ago in Psyche
3 Things That Aren't Helping Your Agoraphobia
If you haven't read the first article in my series on having agoraphobia then please click here. I am making this series as I approach the ten year mark of having been diagnosed with agoraphobia and so, I hope to share my experiences, help others and possibly give you some hints and tips not as solutions but as things to assist you in managing your condition. As someone who has a decade of experience, I have many, many tried and tested methods. Some of them work, some of them do not. If you would like to look at three coping mechanisms that you can use then the first article with the link is just for you. But, if you've already been through that one, I would like to share three things that are probably in your life that you don't realise are having a huge impact on your state of wellbeing when it comes to agoraphobia and are possibly making it a whole lot worse to deal with. So let's get into this article that investigates:
By Annie Kapur5 years ago in Psyche
10 Steps to Happiness
Last month I went to my psychologist and I told her that I was afraid to be happy. She promptly got up and wrote on the top of a piece of paper "my past" and on the bottom "my happiness" and ripped the words apart. Then placed the two pieces of paper on the floor and told me to stand up. I stood beside "my past" and looked towards "my happiness" and I desperately ...wanted to move towards happiness, but I honestly was scared.
By Alyssa Curtayne5 years ago in Psyche
Depression+anxiety +loneliness
my name is Johnny and I’m depressed, cuz when I was little at the age of 6/7 I started to get beaten up by my sisters father, for not knowing how to learn proberly, and for crying, I used to get beaten up so bad that I didn’t even want to exist anymore or do anything but I had to learn or accept it bcuz I didn’t want to be beaten up, and at school I get bullied by most of my class mates for not knowing the things they know, and they used to call me names and I would be crying when I go back home then I got beat up, I was only 6/7, and once my mother finally broke up with him after 6 month’s we finally went back home bcuz we were in another village cuz of her ex boyfriend, but after that we weren’t so happy, my brother started beating me up too, and sometimes they used to try to kill me, for not knowing what exactly I should be doing, I never really felt love from my family since she was with her ex boyfriend, I used to say, y’all are faking the love for me, what am I even existing for, you guys just hurt me all the time when I’m trying to learn or do something I want, I used to be so scared of my family, I always felt like I was going to die from getting beaten up, it felt like I was living in hell, but I kept trying to understand, and my cousin committed suicide when I was 9 and my brother lost a best friend, and he lost him self he started drinking when he was 16/17 and he tried to follow her, and he became hard on the whole family, evertime we say no he starts beating us up, or break our stuff, so my other brother had to hide from him all the time so that he wouldn’t get beaten up, and when he’s not home I had to be doing stuff for my big brother, and I get beaten up, but while I was going through those my friend accidentally got run over by a motor bike, and I was watching him, it felt like it was my fault bcuz I wanted to run through the street when the motor bike was going very fast, and he started running then got run over, I frozen for like a whole 5 mins cuz I couldn’t believe what I just witnessed, I was 9 that time and he died at the age of 11, we ran closer to him and there was blood all around him his leg broke, he’s ears was bleeding, the blood was coming out of his mouth and he black out but he worked up just for a minute when he’s mother got there, he was quitely saying mom mom, and I was just so shocked there I didn’t know what to think or do and I was very young, I felt so bad and sad, and he got rushed to the nursing station, and I run there, and lots where there too, he was in nursing bed, and they tried to help him out, but he’s stopped breathing and the bubbles were coming out of his mouth and ears, and then passed away, me and my brother went home crying bcuz he was our cousin and I witnessed it, but my brother kept also beating us up, and he finally moved to my fathers but when he was with him he committed suicide, and my other brother lost him self he almost became like him, I was more afraid of him, bcuz he was stronger then he was, he used to beat me up so bad even when I was sleeping I used to get beaten up, I wake up to pain, and he started throwing knifes at me but luckily never got me, he even threw the hockey puck and scissors, but he still missed me by an few inches, and it was the last time he beaten me up, I was 14 that time, he stopped bcuz he realize that I would just become a monster and bigger then him which is I’am now, I mean I’m not saying I’m a monster I’m just quite bigger, he realizes that I would try to payback like once I can beat him up like he really wanted to with my big brother but when he was really mad at him my big bro committed suicide and turn to me, and he stopped, he said sorry when he had said that he’ll never be sorry but he said it and once he said it he help me cleaning up my self from the bleeding on my nose he put ice on the swollen and he said I’ll never do that again but you have to understand that you have to listen, listen carefully, but I was still afraid of him, but it has stopped, but my depression kept going for my cousin’s and brother and when my mom gave birth to a beautiful girl, she was born all purple and she only lived for 4 hours she couldn’t make it, I was just always sad and depressed, then I had anxiety cuz everytime I do something people never liked it they make fun of me they bullied me and I tried ending my life many times I started doing drugs and sniffing gas, but I actually started drinking at the age of 9, cuz I lost a friend and my cousin committed suicide and my mom alcoholic when I was a child, I used to steal her alcohol when she got really drunk, and when I was 5 I started smoking cigarettes, I was tought by my friend, and I started smoking weed when I was 10/11 and my mom started giving me cigarettes at the age of 11, and marijuana at the age of 14, and I always just tried to smoke weed and breaking and entering, I started getting arrested and went to the rehab at 15, but I was really depressed and had a lot of anxiety, I cried most of the nights there thinking of ending my life, so they moved me to an open unit, boys unit, and I was kinda scared cuz I didn’t really know how to speak English, cuz everyone speaks English there, my first language is tau, which they call inuit, and I was in a boys unit for a whole year and I felt better, cuz I was doing all the stuff I loved, I played sports, all of them I had thee trophy cuz I was showing up all to the sports, but I really loved football I was one of the best, and baseball, but during the winter I got discharged, my brother had a kid, and we moved to another house, which where my uncle committed suicide and I started dreaming where he committed suicide it’s always the darkest and I get sleep paralysis and once I felt like I teleported to another house but I could still hear my brother talking my room was dark and felt like I teleported to my old room my room got bigger and the lights were on, but once I’m about to be able to move I got back to a dark room where I was sleeping and heard a breath right beside me, and I was alone, and when my brother moved to our old apartment, I became a lot depressed I tried ending my life, but then I had a girlfriend at the age of 16/17 two three years ago, and we weren’t happy together, but we were for just a month or two, but she also got pregnant, I didn’t want that to happen but that was her decision, I wanted to make her happy cuz she easily got sad, and her whole family is an alcoholic, and she was tired of taking care of her siblings, so she got pregnant, I mean I got her pregnant cuz she wanted to, and the family never really liked me but I never understand why, in the first day they never liked me her auntie used to middle finger at me, but I just smiled, and I felt like I’m not enough all the time, and I we were tired and we weren’t happy cuz we had to dealt with her whole family I helped a lot, I tried to do what they asked me to doo, but they wanted me to be super human, but they make me feel like I’m not enough for her so I make myself that person I made myself not enough we broked up I mean she broke up with me and try to leave me to another guy, but the guys were just too scared of me, so they never had her, and she did the abortion cuz she didn’t want to have anything from me which was she regret, but it happened anyway and I’m still free, not dealing with baby but I still cry to this day, not cuz of her cuz of the child cuz I’m afraid of god, I’m just a believer, but for all of these I want to work hard I have my dream job, I worked 11 hours a day but I can’t work right now cuz of covid but I’ll go back when I can, I still get depressed cuz the person I loved left to another country but still in Canada but far but she left bcuz of her job, so it’s kinda hard for me but I still have to focus on my dreams I will see her in the future anyway, so I choose to work harder and try to get my family happier then eve, I just want everything to change, I try to help my mom, but people still judge me, but they won’t understand anyway so I’m still trying and just focusing on my dreams and my family and the people that cares about me,my family is getting better, I used to always think about giving up, but I used all the pain from the past as my strength, I’m still trying to improve myself, I still think about giving up but i know I will never, just focusing on the people I love and I care about and my family and my dreams that makes me want to never give up and all the past I was in, I hope this life story help it’s my own life not someone else’s my life that I lived in, I just want this to help out to the people that went through as I went through I’m still learning, but sometimes I still feel like I’m not enough for people but I don’t give up, that’s why I put my story up here, to help many people as I can and to the people that went through so much, I hope it helps them, I’m happy if it does,
By Johnny qitsualuk jr5 years ago in Psyche
Frantic Friday
I just feel so suicidal. It is not like I wanna die or anything. I just want to be heard. And everything hurts and it disperses and transverses into hate, anger, and makes me want to curse. At the world. My heart hurts. My throat is being stepped on by a million men. Walking on it like a bridge that can no longer keep itself up. Its weird to have such uncontrolled mind. It has many many thoughts of its own. And you are not a part of them at all. I woke up this morning, transfused with sadness, bitterness and anger. And I just want to shout at the universe. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. The air will forever feel cold to me. It will forever feel weird . It will forever feel like a distant nightmare. Every single breath I take, I feel like snow is just flooding my lungs. My esophagus burns. It all burns. And you’re in fear of even just speaking because of how scary it is. its terrifying. Sometimes it’s too much and you feel clueless. Your mind is spiraling like the topping of a cinnamon roll. And you think of the things that are comforting. Aren’t cinnamon rolls comforting. I look at my socks all the time. They have a spiral like shape on each side. I have green socks with Swiss rolls on them. I think to myself all the time, what would life be like if I were a Swiss roll? Would I be wanted? Would I be taken into? Or would I be swallowed whole like a Swiss roll? I just said that twice cause it rhymed. But you see how when you type certain words, you reveal your true authentic self each and every time even though it’s messed up? It’s the weirdest thing. Everything is going to feel weird at first. It’s going to be icky like catching cooties on the playground. I remember when that was a thing. I always had the illest cooties because no one wanted to be around me. I felt like Greg who ate the nasty cheese. No one liked me. And I never knew why. Is it because I seek comfort from animals? Is it because I like to wear weird clothes? Who knows. I was the oddball in middle school. All the way through high school. I was either too loud, too quiet, or didn’t have the best clothes. I didn’t wear Jordans and Adidas tracksuits like the other kids. I liked band t shirts, chokers, and platform buckle boots. I enjoyed listening to the deep sounds of rock, and could care less about Pop. You know? Does this all even make sense. When you have general anxiety like myself, your thoughts are practically everywhere. And I mean literally. EVERYWHERE. Its kinda like tiny Swarovski rhinestones that fall out of your pockets with the holes on the bottom. also like the kid on the polar express that lost that Santa bell from his sleigh. You seen how heartbroken and confused he was? Like he had no clue that Santa was going to send that bell back to him and he can literally shake it in the Christmas spirit. My head hurts typing this. My thoughts give me a headache. Its kind of like a tumor on your head. AndI’m using too many similes. Thats my issue. I compare everything to anything. And it only makes sense to me. When I wrote my poetry, my therapist just goes “you know this is good.” And I’m just like “how so?” And he says : “Melanie, the things you write just doesn’t make sense. And maybe things aren’t supposed to pull together or make sense. Maybe there’s just isn’t a correct way or a right way. We’re just a figment of each others minds.
By Melanie Troncoso5 years ago in Psyche
How Sober Living Could Help
Many people who have experienced serious problems in the past, from alcoholism to depression, have tried various programs in order to clean up their lives. But when these programs fail and they decide to try some of these programs for themselves again, they are often surprised by what they discover on eSober living directory.
By Teresa Matthews5 years ago in Psyche
