Latest Stories

Most recently published stories in Psyche.

Shattered Poems About Mental Health
Mental Illness is like being locked inside darkness; a darkness you feel like will last forever without a tunnel to your bright spot. As a person who has many kinds of mental illnesses, I find it is easy to get into a place of loneliness and hopelessness, and with the winter months and Christmas season as well as being single can really mess with your head and emotions when you see happy couples and families with so much holiday joy. I am the person who you find in the bathroom crying over the fact that I am 33 years old and single around the holidays. That’s why I always carry my copy of Shattered in my purse to help remind me I am not alone. Just when I start drowning in my darkness of anxiety, depression, and my SAD disorder. It is easy to get into that mental space very quicky when you feel alone, the facts you know that you aren't alone don’t even come into your mind. At that moment you just want someone to understand you and your feelings and your thoughts without judgment. Shattered it the friend who doesn’t judge , your mental illnesses, it is your friend who holds your hand through the sadness and pain.
By Danielle Gray5 years ago in Psyche
Refusing the Dreamscape: The Frightening World of Sleep Paralysis, Night Terrors & Cataplexy Part One
I have to start by saying that I don't know how much I am genetically predisposed to these sleep disorders. I know my older sister used to sleep walk when she was little but grew out of it. There really is no way to tell how predisposed I am since doctors started me on Ritalin at age 3 and Night Terrors followed after about 3 years.
By Jennifer Lind5 years ago in Psyche
Existential dread.
Growing up I had a big house, I never had to worry about when my next meal was or anything. I had everything I needed. Seems like a walk in the park, huh? Not the case. I lived with my mom, stepdad, and my two sisters who are twins. My dad was completely out of the picture by the time I was 3 or 4. My mom told me he was touching me and took him to court and blah blah blah... Anyway, I went to school and always tried my best to make friends no matter how unsuccessful I was. People thought I was living the life at my big house in the safest neighborhood in town, again, not the case! What the kids at school didn't know was that I had to talk to numerous counselors and child protection workers because my mom and stepdad were hurting my sisters and I. There was constant arguing at my big house in the safe neighborhood. Flash forward a bit to the time I was about 8 years old, both of my sisters were taken out of my house because the court system found out about my parents abusing them. Yet, they left me, I'm 6 years younger, in the house with them. I was told what to say to the "mean city workers" and believed that I was being treated the way I deserved to be. I grew up thinking the worst about myself. I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut about my parents alcohol addiction, and stay out of their way. Eventually I couldn't handle that anymore and I had finally made a couple of friends. One of my friends had a brother that explored my body while I was passed out, high on marijuana. I didn't talk to anyone for almost a year. No one found out about it until my freshman year of high school and the court process took a year. Before I started high school my stepdad pulled a gun on one of my sisters and I, she was living with the man who touched me. He went to jail and came out "saved by the blood of Christ". It really took a mental toll on me, I still had to pretend everything was perfect. Throughout my 18 long years of living, I have continually asked myself why I am still here, the sense of hopelessness and worthlessness took over me and I've tried ending this long life four times. Antidepressant after antidepressant and still no one knows why I just don't want to be here.
By Cortney Lynn5 years ago in Psyche
My Cheese Slid
It was a breathtakingly beautiful day. The sky deep blue, with hints of the night's storm still on the horizon, dotted with clouds, most of them mere wisps of white, others looking so fluffy as to give a great night's rest, and a few with what looks a little bleeding of the darkness from the night. The sun, mostly seen, yet periodically hidden behind one of the clouds, was warm, but not the same warmth as Summer, which is good since the green ground is scattered with the leaves of Fall. The leaves on the ground not nearly as bright as those still on the tree branches. Looking into the sky through the reds, oranges, golds and even some greens to the blue sky dotted with clouds, fed a sense of wonder, hope, and curiosity.
By Momma O5 years ago in Psyche
COVID-19 vs Anxiety: My Battle
Anxiety is not something to joke about. I describe as The Monster under your bed. I have been battling anxiety for about 10 years now. Back then, it was terrible. I have suffered from anxiety induced bowel movements ever since. I have learned to keep it under control for the past 6 years or so but sometimes is worse than other times. It has been a struggle but I believe that when it matters most, I do my best and can control it to a degree. I recently found out I was lactose intolerant which would explain quite a lot but after going to soya and almond based product where needed, I still sometimes have problems.
By J Carter5 years ago in Psyche
Dear Mental Illness
Dear Mental Illness, Why do you always seem to creep up on me when I feel like things are falling into place? Are you unsettled when I start to smile? I wonder if you think I shouldn’t be happy. I wonder if you want to watch me suffer. Some days I wake up and it feels like something is crushing my chest. I roll out of bed and start my day. Do you wish I couldn’t get out of bed? I fight the urge to stay but the world is calling me. I go through the motions at work. I can hear the kids laughing but it doesn’t effect me because there you are. You’re burning my eyes with tears I refuse to let out. You never want to give me a day to feel happy. As the trees begin to change, I can feel more than before. Summers are usually when you vacation away from my mind. Sometimes I think you won’t return but here you are. You’re always there. I fight through your power with everything i’ve got but some days I fall short. Some of the days you get the best of me and on those days, I let you win. When you win I fight back more tears. I hear voices in my head saying this will never be over, you will always be sick. I roll over on my side while I lay in bed and I cry real tears. It doesn’t help. I tried to hide you for so long that I can’t cry most of the time, and when I do I feel weak. I feel like I’ve lost, but now I know it’s not the tears that make me feel that way. It’s the people who look down on me. The people who don’t believe I’m good enough because I have a war to fight each day. They don’t like how I behave even when I try. They call me a freak, I agree. Even when they say they love me they don’t listen. They don’t listen, I yell but they don’t hear me. I listen to my voice screaming in my head, why can’t anyone hear me? Can they see me? Can they see who I am behind the illness? I used to think I was a lot more. I used to think this was only a small piece of me but is that true? My in-laws don’t think I’m enough for their daughter, but they don’t even know me they only see you. Does anyone actually know me? My family pretends that ever since I got out of the hospital for the second time that all these demons are gone. I tell them they aren’t but they don’t hear me so I lie and say I’m fine. They think there is a cure for the beast inside but the truth is medication can only do so much. I swallow the handful of pills that don’t even work anymore, pretending that it’s all going to work out. I act like its going to go away but the truth is that it’s always there, it just depends how well I can hide it today. I try to stay strong for everyone but I never let them know when I need them to be strong for me. On these days I don’t feel like I deserve it anyway. My stomach hurts, but I force myself to eat. I don’t enjoy eating anything. I don’t enjoy anything, but I try. Why do you enjoy this? You give me flashbacks of things I never want to see again. You make me shake with discomfort and hate everything about myself. I never feel worthy enough to feel better. I beat myself up so I can feel something but it never works. You never let anything soothe me when you have your way with it. I hate you. I hate you more than anything in the world. I wish I could be better than you, or stronger. I act like I can take it but I can’t anymore. I’ve had enough of you. Someday I wish it would be possible to beat you, but I know I never will. You will always be a part of me mental illness, and someday I hope you let people get to know me, because id rather be mentally ill than lonely.
By Emily Noonan-Phillips5 years ago in Psyche
Finally Free
My body weak and my mind reeling, I fell to the ground. It was cold and damp, almost instantly seeping into my bones. The air smelled sweet. I gulped and swallowed and took as many deep breaths as I could. Fresh air flooding my senses, I closed my eyes and reveled in it for a moment.
By Dani Wolking5 years ago in Psyche
Girl in the Mirror
I could’ve sworn I was sitting in the middle of her murder scene. Her blood painted the marble bathroom tiles and the pills were scattered around like they were party confetti. I watched the cold blade run across her thighs like her skin was a sheet of ice and the blade was just skating along as it pleased. She promised that she was okay and that she had it under control, but her eyes told a different story. I could’ve taken one look at her and known that she wasn’t okay. Her makeup ran down her face, her hair looked like a tropical storm had plowed through it, her voice was raspy and shaky like she’d been crying and screaming all day. She was wearing a tank top and underwear – exposing the bruises that cover her body. I watched as her legs shake while she struggled to stand up off the tile. As she walked out of the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror. That is when I realized that I no longer knew the girl in the mirror.
By Jocilynn Craig5 years ago in Psyche
Let Me Tell You About Hannah
It sounds so cliche, but I'm horrible at making friends and the worst at keeping them. Due to my relentless mental health issues, my therapist likes to remind me every session how "self sabotaging" isn't a healthy trait to have. I have been in therapy for about 5 years now on a consistent basis, and while there have been several up and down moments, the biggest thing I recognized is how my mental health has taken a toll on the ones closest to me.
By Kayla Lindley5 years ago in Psyche
The Pen
The GP room Patient: Do you ever feel like you're not alone? Even when you are? There's no noise, just a ringing in your ear. Like static on the radio, the air around you sizzling. It wasn't as loud when I was younger, but now... It's kind of hard to explain.
By Elisha 'lexii' Bennie5 years ago in Psyche
My Anxiety Story
Before I get into my story, here's some things to know. Anxiety can be a mental illness, and in most cases it is. Like depression, it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Some things that most people don't know is that panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are included in the mental health disorder of anxiety. Some things that can come along with anxiety are constant worry and fear, which if these emotions are bad enough, can affect a person's daily life. So, now that you know a little bit more about anxiety, here's my story.
By Tori Wilson5 years ago in Psyche
My Struggles with Bipolar/Schizophrenia in My Relationship
I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when I was 18. It eventually escalated to be a Bipolar diagnosis a few years later. I hated living with it. My therapist said my condition was severe but to me I felt I recovered rather quickly from it. It only takes a few weeks for the medicine to kick in. The issue was that the medicine made me gravely disabled. I couldn’t move my body and was sleeping 12 hours a day and didn’t want to get out of bed. I had low self-esteem because I was struggling with my studies and work. I was getting fired at many workplaces because of my disability. I gravely hated myself. I thought to myself - is something wrong with me? Even on medication I was still depressed. I was feeling sad over my loneliness and wondering why I was struggling so much.
By Mulan Pha5 years ago in Psyche