Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Depression = Autism
It has been nearly two years since I found out that I was Autistic. In that time, I’ve gone through many emotions: disbelief, anger, avoidance, contemplation, remembrance and finally, acceptance. I’ve listened to what other people have thought about my disorder. I’ve buried my head in the sand for almost a year trying to convince myself that I was not, in fact, autistic. I’ve mentally gone back over the parts of my life that I can remember, from childhood up until now. I’ve accepted what I was never going to be able to change. I’ve developed a new level of comfort with myself. And I’ve read and read and read…as much as I could about autism and more specifically, being on the spectrum.
By Natalie Forrest4 years ago in Psyche
The Truth Behind Eating Disorders & Why They’re More Prevalent Than You Think: Through The Lens Of My Experience
For the first 20 years of my life, I rejected diet culture. I ate what and how much I wanted. At first, as a child, this didn't matter. I was active and ran around, keeping me slim, though with the healthy plump expected of children. However, around the age of nine, my body began to change. Hair sprouted from new places, I could no longer get away without a bra, and my hips subtly widened. Though, it would not be for another two years, when I began menstruating, that I started to become more aware of my body.
By Alisan Keesee4 years ago in Psyche
The Tragic Side of Me
I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until 1999 when I was 35, but I'm sure I have been all of my life. One Mother's Day after I was diagnosed, I was with my mother and she had just finished reading her cards from me. I always gave her a sentimental one to make her cry and then followed that with a humorous one to stop the crying quicker. But on this day, her crying didn't stop. As I tried to console her, she started to apologize to me saying, "I didn't know what was wrong. Even as a baby you cried all the time and as you grew up I felt something was wrong, but I should have done something! I treated you so wrong sometimes and all this time you couldn't help it! I am so so sorry!" I hugged her tight and assured her that there was nothing she could have done. No one had ever thought that a baby could be "bipolar" or medicated for it. She did the best she could with the knowledge that she had, just like every other mother has done. "None of it is your fault!" I told her. We had a long discussion about everything that happened in my life that she felt should have told her to have me checked out. And many of them could have been attributed to being bipolar, looking back on them, but at the time, many other things could have been the cause too.
By T. K. Wilson4 years ago in Psyche
Recovering With Alcoholism
I have heard people say "Real Self" more than I care to count. I like to think of "Consistent self." After all, that's really what we are talking about when we ask that question. When I was faced with getting sober or dying, I had to make some powerful choices. "Do the work, or die." that simple. An inner battle went on within me for a while because a part of me stopped caring. I was thoroughly numb, and I wanted it that way. I worked hard to numb my life. These "Feelings" were getting in my way, and I wanted nothing to do with them. I had some questions to answer, "Could I see where I lost control?", "Could I see where It was unmanageable?" and "Did I want to live life without a drink or drug?"
By Jeff Johnson4 years ago in Psyche
What is Mental Exhaustion and How to Deal with This Common Problem
Mental exhaustion is, without a doubt, one of the most taxing feelings a person can experience in life. Physical pain stops as soon as irritation causing it. Sore muscles recover with good rest. Mental exhaust, on the other hand, wears down the person in more than one way and stays with us as long as we don’t start fighting back.
By Marie Nieves4 years ago in Psyche
My History of Anxiety, Pt 2
I recently wrote about my history with anxiety, extending all the way back to my childhood and the odd way it manifested itself back then. I'm no expert on actual diagnoses or the labelling of things, but I certainly feel some of my behaviors smacked of OCD and really could have taken over my life. I am not exactly sure how I escaped that fate, since the temptation to focus on them is still there. But I do know of people who suffer from full-blown obsessive thinking and behaviors who literally can't leave the house.
By Mytoxic Family4 years ago in Psyche
Homecoming
The day that I chose to be brave and truly be who I am, all began with the day that I decided to come home to myself. After 20 years of fighting against myself and wishing to be rid of this life, one of my bravest moments was the day that I decided to go back and get that little girl inside of me who was for far too long forsaken. To go back, to hold her, and to bring her back home. I decided to face myself and all of the skeletons in the closet that came alongside that. I decided to be brave. Despite the anxiety convincing me of my fears and the depression of my faults, I chose to stay and I chose to fight. Initially reading the topic for this piece of writing, I was trying to think back to a specific moment or day that I had chosen to show up just exactly as I am. What I am coming to realize is that there is not one perfect moment that encaptures that moment of authenticity, of honouring myself in her totality and her truth. But rather that moment of undeniable and insurmountable bravery is played out every single day, every single time I am posed with a choice. The choice to surrender to the unkind and deprecating thoughts, or to take the ash and to rise from it. Each time my brain tries to convince me that I am unworthy or incapable, when my ego screams at me about all of the things I cannot do, and especially on the days that my mind is like a battlefield and the casualties are everywhere, where my mind tries to convince me that this world is better off without me in it, these are the real moments that make up for me living out a life as my bravest and truest self. Each time I declare that no matter how many times I get pulled away from the light and find myself lost in places I should not be with people I should not see, and I choose to be courageous and travel back to the depths where the past reminds me of both my heartbreaks and demons too, I choose to live this authenticity out. Each time I walk those same familiar paths to heal, to go find that little girl once left behind by harsh hands and harsher words and I help her to remember who she is. I help her to remember the one inside of her that wants nothing but to love and to be loved. I guide her back to the little one inside that still believes in magic, both in the magic of loving one another, and the magic of loving oneself too, lest we forget the magic of transmuting the pain and aches of this life and choosing to step into the light each time anyway. Many times a day I am given a choice, each day I fight for myself and I choose to step into my truest self and show up just as I am, just exactly as I was meant to be. I intend for my life to be filled day in and day out by these moments, every moment that offers me the chance to be brave and to be true to my heart. I choose to show up just as I am these days no matter how many times I was told I was too much or not enough, I show up just as I am, shoulders down and back, dreams big, smile bigger, honouring me for who I am in my totality. On the days that the dark comes to wreak havoc, I hold myself and remind her that she has a choice, and the bravest thing she could ever do is to choose the light anyway. So my great story of triumph over trial and tribulation begins where my story once began many moons ago and is made up of every single day, every interaction and opportunity to live in my truth, and continuously, time and time again, come home to myself.
By Danyca Patrick-O’Grady4 years ago in Psyche
