Struggles of being a bisexual teenager

Growing up as a military child its always been hard to make friends, its even more hard to keep relationships, constantly moving every 3 years takes a tole on a kid and sometimes your parents don't see that, there were times where I wished I was a normal kid I always dreamed of having friends since kindergarten and growing up together but i always knew my fantasy wouldn't come true, when I was in 7th grade i remember everyone calling me gay for every little thing i did and I never knew what they were talking about i was only a child and people told me i was gay before i could even find out for myself? this has been going on since high school everyone I meet makes jokes and they always assume my sexuality there were times where I tried to be gay but i knew it wasn't for me so i called myself bisexual thinking the names would lessen but the name calling got worse, there used to be days were I had to cry in the shower keeping my voice down so no one would hear me, the fear of my own family making fun of me would've destroyed me and i couldn't take it anymore. not to mention that I'm a christian so that meant going to hell? who wants to go there! So i told myself that next year ( 10th grade ) would be different but i hasn't.

What could I do? everyone around me thinks I'm gay and everyone makes jokes about me?

I gave in, I thought maybe I should give being bisexual a try, I met a guy lets call him James at church and we were good friends I never would've thought the one true guy I love I would meet at church he was 17 and I was 14 and when I first met him he didn't come off as gay, until church was over and I had bible school lunch with him, he told me to put my instagram into his phone because he needed followers at the time I didn't wanna be there so I thought it was fine, I went home that day and told my parents about how boring bible school was but all of a sudden I got a text message around 10 from a him! the guy from church! I thought why would he text me? hes so handsome and I'm me what does he want from me? at first we texted about the assignments our teacher gave us and about how shes mean for no reason when all of a sudden he gives me his phone number? he told me " Heres my phone number hoe" Hoe? who says that? i got mad at him and told him why would he call me that but he didnt reply? as the weeks go by of VBS ( Vocational Bible School) we began to get close extremely fast I introduced him to my friend group and we talked almost every night, but then one day he text me says how I'm his boyfriend and its a privilege to be his boyfriend, I cannot explain the way I felt about this man and then he invited me to go over to his house.

here is where things began to change quick, I went over to his house and we made out he was experienced and I could tell, when we would make out he would choke me and it was amazing and when we went under his cover I would give him a handjob while making out with him and I could tell he liked it but after we've been doing that for a month I could tell he began to lose feelings even though I hadn't I have to admit he was my first kiss believe it or not and not even 2 weeks after going to his house he blocked me on all his social media after I had given him head and a handjob he used me for his own sexual gratification and dumped me, I cried myself to sleep for days thinking he was grounded or he made a mistake but it wasn't and deep down inside I knew he used me.

To anyone who's reading this who's struggling with your sexuality just be yourself don't change who you are to please someone else, I've been with guys and girls and trust me theres always gonna be another one love yourself and put yourself first, If the relationship feels like a heavy weight drop it don't put all your energy on grip strength if your not gonna be a professional arm wrestler, I love you who ever is reading this and thank you for taking the time to read my story.

- Love you