humor
Microbiologist Ashamed to Admit He Never Learned How to Use a Microscope
Microbiologist Dr. Ted Stephens was shamefully forced to admit last week that he never learned how to use a microscope. The veteran research scientist told colleagues in an open letter to the Journal of Bacteriology "I am saddened and embarrassed to admit today that I never learned how to use a microscope. Even though I had to study the basics of microscope design and operation as an undergraduate microbiology major I only ever used one three times for half a semester in the lab section of my intro to microbiology class. Since then my work has taken me in different directions where I have had to use a host of sophisticated laboratory instrumentation including GC-mass specs, capillary electrophoresis, MALDI-TOFs, real-time PCR systems of all varieties, and a host of others. However, in all that time I never once used a microscope and thus have forgotten everything I learned as an undergrad about how they work and how to use one. I was recently forced to admit to my graduate students, fellow faculty, and research collaborators that I cannot operate a modern or even basic light microscope. I have called myself a microbiologist for over twenty years now, but in truth, it was all a lie. My sincere apologies to everyone I have hurt and disappointed by my actions in this matter. May God forgive me." Reached for comment fellow microbiologist Dr. Nancy Goodwin said. "Speaking on behalf of all real microbiologists I say good riddance to that fraud so-called Dr. Stephens. We don't need your kind in our ranks. Go an join your fellow molecular biologists you filthy rat."
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
Moroccan Government Distraught Their Country Now Mostly Known for its Argan Oil
The Moroccan finance minister Simo Youseff confirmed today that for the first time since the founding of the modern state of Morocco in 1956 the country was most well known in every other part of the world for it’s production, shipping, and sale of Argan Oil. Argan oil is a plant oil made from the kernels of the argan tree (Argania spinosa L.) that is endemic to Morocco. The oil is used in Morocco for dipping breads or adding flavor to pasta but in the rest of the world it is mostly recognized for its heavy use in a wide variety of cosmetic beauty items, in particular shampoos and conditioners. Mr. Youseff explained “Morocco is an amazing, diverse, and beautiful land that exports a tremendous variety of agricultural and other products to places across the world. However, despite the fact that Morocco’s number one export is actually electric wire, everywhere I go all anyone wants to ask me about is if I can get them a good deal on Moroccanoil® Moisture Repair Shampoo. While I agree that Morrocan argan oil based shampoos are unsurpassed in their ability to repair damaged hair caused by color, chemical processing or heat styling, I am not sure that fact is more interesting or important than the fact that our current number two export is non metals, inorganic acids, & oxygen compounds.”
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
Tax Preparer Almost Never Prepares Dinner
Anne Stephens, wife of tax preparer Ted Stephens, complained bitterly this week about her husband's lack of effort in preparing dinner for their family of four despite the fact that he spends January through March each year preparing tax returns for other American families. In an interview Anne said the following "Ted is basically a decent guy. I mean he's no Brad Pitt in the looks department, and he's not exactly the most interesting guy to talk to or be around, but he makes OK money as a tax preparer for H&R block, and he has always been faithful, and mostly good to me. And I can't say he hasn't provided for our family, but I can say he leaves much to be desired in the preparing dinner department. In fact I can't remember the last time he prepared dinner for the family, me, or even for himself. He just never prepares dinner, even though he clearly is able to prepare things as evidenced by his job which requires him to prepare tax returns four months out the year." Reached for comment Ted responded "So I'm lazy, what are you gonna do."
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
