Microbiologist Ashamed to Admit He Never Learned How to Use a Microscope

Microbiologist Dr. Ted Stephens was shamefully forced to admit last week that he never learned how to use a microscope. The veteran research scientist told colleagues in an open letter to the Journal of Bacteriology "I am saddened and embarrassed to admit today that I never learned how to use a microscope. Even though I had to study the basics of microscope design and operation as an undergraduate microbiology major I only ever used one three times for half a semester in the lab section of my intro to microbiology class. Since then my work has taken me in different directions where I have had to use a host of sophisticated laboratory instrumentation including GC-mass specs, capillary electrophoresis, MALDI-TOFs, real-time PCR systems of all varieties, and a host of others. However, in all that time I never once used a microscope and thus have forgotten everything I learned as an undergrad about how they work and how to use one. I was recently forced to admit to my graduate students, fellow faculty, and research collaborators that I cannot operate a modern or even basic light microscope. I have called myself a microbiologist for over twenty years now, but in truth, it was all a lie. My sincere apologies to everyone I have hurt and disappointed by my actions in this matter. May God forgive me." Reached for comment fellow microbiologist Dr. Nancy Goodwin said. "Speaking on behalf of all real microbiologists I say good riddance to that fraud so-called Dr. Stephens. We don't need your kind in our ranks. Go an join your fellow molecular biologists you filthy rat."