I'd Like to Report a Murder

The call comes in at midnight, on this starry moonlit night.

“I’d like to report a murder,” she cries. It gives me quite a fright.

Such heinous crimes don’t happen, in our sleepy peaceful town.

But this lady sounds so frantic, and I can’t calm her down.

*

She screams in wild hysterics about the victim on the rug,

And the killer hiding under the tree, looking oh so smug.

I think my ears are deceiving me, or I’m having a crazy dream.

Did this caller just inform me that the perp is under a tree?

*

“Yes. She’s ‘neath my Christmas tree. Please send somebody, quick.

Her eyes are filled with rage and terror. She must have found the ‘nip.”

The caller’s sobs get louder. She’s afraid that she’ll be next.

“Please save me from the horrifying slayer. She’s looking truly vexed.”

*

I hear the sirens blaring. The cops break through her door.

“Put your hands up,” the orders barked, “and get down on the floor.”

“Oh no, not me dear officers,” the woman starts to wail.

“I swear I’m not the vicious killer. It was surely Abigail.”

*

The police don’t see a victim, just a tiny blue-tailed mouse

“But it’s me she’s going to murder,” yells the caller. “Remove her from my house.

“She’s hiding in the bedroom now. She took off like a zoom.”

The caller begs the officers to retrieve her from the room.

*

The officers go crashing, right through the bedroom door

Shouting “Get your hands up and lay down on the flo….HAHAHAHAHA”

I’m hearing waves of laughter,

My officers busting a gut.

The pic of the perp confirms my suspicion

This woman is f*cking nuts!