Array

Blue, the color of the ocean or is it black? It’s the void in my soul where you once existed. Yet it’s light and airy, a reminder that life goes on, that letting go and forgiving provides freedom. It’s the birds floating through the sky, clouds hanging in the air. It’s the blanket of comfort wrapped around the earth so we can breathe.

Yellow, it’s the smile across my face when your brown eyes glisten as they look my way. Now just a memory just as bright as the light shining from the sky. It’s the glow of the sun, feeling warmth on my face.

Orange, it’s the happiness bursting, laughs errupting as you pin me to the ground and tickle me until I’m breathless.

Pink, it’s the tenderness of my love for you, soft and warm. It’s the fond memories I hold remembering every moment we shared.

Red, it’s the raw hurt, like torn muscles in my heart from your death. Bleeding, carterizing, ripping, growing, healing, invisible, painful and present.

Black, it is the void. The dark void of your absence haunting what’s left of our family. The reminder that tomorrow, yet another day, is a day where your presence is missing. The reminder that pain is a dangerous thing which causes people to seep into the darkest of places, places which captured your mind and crippled you from the happiness that was your life. It’s a place I avoid at all cost because a memory of you should be anything but dark.

Green, it’s the color of richness, vitality, fulfillment and rememberance that life goes on just as grass grows across your grave. It’s my favorite of all. It’s life, trees, oxygen, earth, the calm comfort that we are so lucky to be alive.

Purple, it’s the bruise that’s a reminder of how you left, why you left and that you’re never coming home. It’s the patch on your back emitting too much medicine. The reminder that what was meant to help you, ultimately killed you, robbing me of you.

The rainbow, it’s the stamp upon my foot fixed just for you. It’s the happiness and sadness combined for the love I once felt and continue to feel for you. It’s the memory that you were gay yes, but you were also happy. It’s my way of saying I am proud of who you were and it’s the only way left to convey my feelings for you. It’s the last hug you could possibly give me, and I you, forever etched upon my skin.

So when my eyes set sight on a rainbow I remember my childhood filled with you. I long for the times we laughed until we almost cried. Car rides singing to Matchbox Twenty and all the plans we shared never quite fulfilled.

So as much as colors represent you, they evoke emotions and meaning in my mind and soul. They makeup the person that you were inside of me so that I’m not left empty and alone. I’m full of each color just as vivid as the sunrise and sunset of each new and passing day.

White, full like a glass of milk of endless possibility, a blank slate. An opportunity to write my today, tomorrow and every day. Leaving me the chance to fill my glass with as little or as much color as I could ever want or need each and every day.