How to Avoid Heartbreak

Do NOT enter into a relationship.

They always end – either by death or breakup.

Breakup reasons may include: heartbreak, infidelity, wandering gaze, addiction, etc..

Relationships can be avoided, by refraining from eye contact, with everyone you meet.

Keep head low, look away from faces when speaking. Do not smile.

When entering subway system, scan for rings on left hand, and AVOID conversation with anyone not wearing a ring.

This may ward against the heartbreak of relationships ending, but it does not ward against the heartache of loneliness.

To avoid the heartache of loneliness, avoid areas where couples mingle, including swimming pools, parks, shopping centers, and grocery stores. Avoid any areas where public displays of affection may be observed.

Avoid going to bars at ALL COSTS. These are cesspools for ‘wandering gaze syndrome’ as well as ‘wandering hand’ disease.

Limit the observance of public-displays-of-affection to those observed from the safety of one’s own home – via television, radio, or the internet. Limit programs to those which are unrealistic or overly-optimistic, such as Hallmark Holiday movies, etc..

Warning: binge-watching these programs may lead to feelings of resentment, longing, and despair. Back-up ice cream treats, and a friend on speed-dial, may be required - as may further binge-watching to resolve feelings.

In case of prolonged sessions of longing, review reasons for avoiding relationships, included in 'breakup reasons.' Then, to re-secure one's boundaries, re-read: How to Avoid Heartbreak.

Do NOT have hope. Do NOT extend friendship. Stay home, and wait for signs of loneliness to pass. Do NOT go outside, for fresh air or to see Nature, as it may induce feelings of wonder and gratitude - which can lead to more serious feelings of hope and optimism. Similarly, do not reach out to friends or ask for advice. Not seeking help or friendship will assure one of no viable options for connection, which will secure one's heart from possible disappointment and eventual heartbreak.

Repeat instructions, as required.