All the rage in the dark

Cries for help in the dark

Screaming in the void,

Silent as I fall

How can I make it back alive?

Can I keep everything I have?

Can I let go?

What was unnecessary made its way

Into the forefront

And my eyes stopped looking for your eyes

But it could never be unnecessary,

Given that this is the real you!

I can't change or want to change that

What's unnecessary is what first caused

My lack of desire

Which we can never talk about

It's been made clear to me:

what we had is lost,

We can never get it back

Even if you made your way out of YouTube, and Facebook and TikTok and Twit,

(and all their faces, their boobs, what's or what's not between their legs)

And back into my arms,

Could we ever get that fire going once again?

That cursed fire that gave me life

Then burnt me to the ground

Left me regressed

Manic then depressed

A crossover I had never had

42 going on 18 and not in the good way:

My boobs won't spring back into place

And my skin won't replenish or be content

(But yours will, how is that ever fair?)

42 going on 18 with all the pain I suffered then

In shambles as I see 10 years become mere fantasy

Like the fantasies I had back then

17, with all the trauma, inhabits my body again

But now I have been shown

That no man will ever love me

and be happy I'm his wife

What I believed was wrong,

Every piece of me lies shattered on the ground

And the woman I thought I was dissolves

...Into a wishful hope...

...back...

...way back at 17...