A Real Man

What is masculinity?

When we think of the word masculinity at the moment the second word that will come to most peoples head will be toxic. Phrases like men are trash have become common place around the world. Recently there was a trend where women were asked would you rather be stuck in the woods with a man or a bear? The overwhelming majority said bear. We're in a time where men are changing they do not need to be the head of the house or go to war and I feel like this is leaving a lot of men lost. This is an era where men can talk about how they feel and aren't required to be emotionless robots who's only purpose is to provide.

People see masculinity as many different things if you ask a conservative about masculinity they will talk about being strong and providing for a family. While I do feel that is a big part of masculinity I feel there is so much more too. At the moment especially on the internet there is a negative feeling towards men. Men are seen as brutes who are unable to control themselves thrown into the same category as a wild animal as dangerous as a bear. While there are bad men who do bad things I can guarantee there are far more good men out there. I feel like traditional masculinity has been shamed and taught out of men which has left men lost.

Modern masculinity crisis

The problem of masculinity is facing young men across the world and it is forcing them to look for ways to be more masculine. Because of this need to be a masculine man they take advice from people like the Tate brothers and Jordan Peterson. These kinds of masculinity in my opinion are not the best with the Tate brothers currently looking at a criminal court case and having said some controversial things. These are the people that think that masculinity is defined as how much you can lift in the gym and how much money you earn. While I do somewhat agree that strength and the ability to earn are somewhat important I also feel like attributes like forgiveness and kindness are integral in being a man.

Because of the words of these internet hyper masculine men there are young men across the world who are confusing making money and going to the gym with being a true man. These young men are often disrespectful and hateful towards groups such as LGBTQ and women. The impact that the Tate brothers and other internet influencers on young men is gigantic they spread hateful and untrue ideals. I feel this comes from an insecurity a feeling of inadequacy so they replace that feeling with hate. I think that young men are getting fed the wrong ideas and this is leading to them mistaking what being a real man is about. I also think this is bad for the mental health of young men if I'm being completely honest. I think that young men getting fed this idea that if they are not rich and strong then they are not real men is damaging for the mental health of young men. People like Andrew Tate feed this idea that real men aren't depressed and you just need to get into the gym. This is not the case while physical exercise can help depression doesn't simply go away because you are stronger.

What does make a man then?

For me a real man is a man who cares and a man who has the ability to feel. I feel like real strength does not come from outside but rather inside real strength is the ability to continue and to keep going despite adversity. Any meathead can be strong and make a good wage a real man however a real man is kind and caring. I think it is hard to be a man especially at the moment where nobody really knows what a man is and what his place should be in this new society. It is difficult for men at the moment we are at a time where it is more acceptable to say how they feel but it still comes with a social stigma.

I am from a working class area and in this area the expectations and views of men are very different from a more middle class area. From my experiences men do not discuss how they feel and what is affecting them as it is unmanly. I have been watching the new season of heartstopper and that friendship is so open I could never imagine talking to my friends about the things they talk about. I think this is the working class divide with the middle class. Many working men still hold the same ideals as their fathers and grandfathers which isn't inherently a bad thing, however it prevents young working class man from truly expressing themselves. I have a lot of pride in being working class and I think I am a better man for it, it has made me emotionally stronger.

Why are men struggling now?

In the past men, especially of a working class, would leave school at around 14 and they would go to work in a mine, in a factory or go to fight his fellow man in a foreign land. Now men leave school at 16 and don't know what to do. When I finished school I had no idea what I wanted to do while the men in my family before me went to fight or work in the mines I had choices, almost too many choices. When men had a strict path and told exactly what to do they exceed the army is a great example. This ability to do what you want has left many men feeling lost and unsure.

The current stigma surrounding men is that they are violent and they are dangerous. This brings me back to the question man or bear? For me it would always be man because I feel a man without the pressure to "be a man" would be a much kinder one.

Thank you for reading