A Convert Me? No, I’ll Convert You!

This meme brought back some memories for me.

A long time ago in a galaxy far away, I attended a college in the Bible Belt. We would, on occasion, be visited by fundamentalist Christian missionaries. My Christian roommates assigned me, their Jewish roommate, the task of sending them away. I would answer the door wearing a Star of David necklace, a yarmulka and boxer shorts with my kitchen shears in my hand. I would educate them about the Jewish ritual of a bris and offer to show them that I was circumcised. Then I’d show them the kitchen shears and offer to convert them to Judaism on the spot They’d leave and not come back.

When missionaries come to my door

With their proselytizing I abhor.

I do my “I’m Jewish” act,

Show them no tact…

And tell them what circumcision’s really for.

The Circumcision

The bris or brit milah is a physical symbol of the relationship between G‑d and the Jewish people. It is a constant reminder of what the Jewish mission entails. Held on the eighth day of life, the ritual is carried out by a skilled mohel (circumciser) and is a joyous celebration marking the entrance of another Jewish male into the covenant of Abraham.

I, myself, had a traumatic bris, so I’m told. Thankfully, I have no memory of the event. In August of 1952, the Cleveland Indians and the New York Yankees were in a heated pennant race. On the Sunday of my bris, August 28, 1952, the Indians were playing a doubleheader in Detroit. The mohel, like everyone else at my bris, was in a big hurry to get home to watch the games on TV, so when it was time for him to do the cutting and perform the ritual, the son of bitch cut it short!