My Protector

My cat did not used to stand guard, with confidence and peace of mind.

When my cat first came to my apartment all she wanted to do was play. She seemed so happy to be free from the bathroom where she had been residing. My furniture was her race track, to run across and unfortunately to kneed like bread and scratch, until the fabric became frayed.

She had been born in a friend's tub, and was raised there until she was adopted by me. Her mother had been a stray. I don't know much about genetics, but my cat seems to have inherited some psychological traits from a once stray cat. I had to chose between her and her sister. I selected her because she seemed to like me , the other kitten was actually more like me. She remained to herself, and only approached me when I had earned her trust. But the kitten I selected, the one I named Sierra seemed drawn to me. She would climb in my lap. It just seemed that she was not as troubled and withdrawn as the other kitten.

My mother adopted the other kitten and called her Wei. My mother did not wait for her cat to go to her. She went right up to Wei and engaged her. Wei in her own independent manner was turned out to be a pretty psychologically stable cat. She definitely knew how to take care of herself.

My cat Sierra, who I love dearly, is like an insecure child. She is safe in her known haven. She likes to approach verses being approached. I guess she feels more in control. She does not like to be picked up, and to take her to the vet is hell. When I pick her up she squirms, when I get her outside the apartment she buries her head and freezes like a statue in my arms. Waiting to see the vet she starts to squirm. It might be the noises of the other animals, or maybe just their physical presence. But when she gets in the hands of the vets she is calm. I don't know how they do it. I know they work with animals all day, but how does Sierra know they can be trusted. On the way back home she seems to know that she is not being deserted. She actually seems to relax when we get to the parking lot outside my apartment, and walk up the stairs. She rushes out of my arms and back into her apartment.

So far she has not seemed to hold grudges . She has not gotten mad at me for taking her out of the apartment. In fact she often wanders out on the porch and timidly goes down the stairs. But again it is her taking the initiative.

Sierra also becomes jealous. I used to be seeing a man. When ever he sat next to me Sierra would jump up on the couch and get between us. It really was sort of funny because he was scared of cats. He would squirm trying to both get away from her and be polite . Well Sierra definitely got my attention. The young man stood up to get away from the cat, another one of her goals.

The psychological symptom of strayness which I hope has changed, was her screeching. When I left the apartment she would cry. I didn't know this till I left her with a friend in my apartment. She said the kitten screeched for about twenty minutes after I left the apartment. I guess she was afraid I would not come back. She has gained some trust in me. She used to run to the door when I opened it , as if she was relieved that I had actually returned home.

Since I retired she has become more adjusted. I am no longer gone all day, and when I come into the apartment she is calmly sleeping. I can now approach her. She has some days that she follows me from room to room, but she is gradually becoming more self assured and independent . Actually sometimes she sits in front of me when I sleep as if she is keeping guard . She seems to finally being friendly in a less needy more independent way.

The weird thing is, I think she actually has comforting memories of her kittenhood in the bathroom. Sometimes she goes in to the bathroom to hangout. She either sits in the bathtub or on the bathmat. Maybe the loss of her kitten family has left her fearful of loosing me - her now family