You Did this to Me

You did this to me,

You lead me down a dark and dreary ally. You ran your knife across my skin, opening me to my very depths. You pulled from me everything that I thought I was; one memory, one dream, one tear, one drop of blood at a time.

You did this to me.

I can still feel the cut of your knife, as it ran across my skin, taking what was once beautiful, and turning it to shame. I can feel the pit under me grow, as i fall father from the realm of living. Using your knife, you opened me up in ways that most will never experience. My body which was once concise and whole, is now in pieces, littering the floor of the ever growing pit.

You did this to me.

At first I am stunned, why me? What have I done so wrong? Then I start to fight, hoping to be able to pull myself from the darkness, which is now becoming my home. Only to find myself falling repeatedly to the floor. Finally I give up, the darkness is my home, my body and my spirit have been shredded, and I am laying in a puddle of my own blood.

You did this to me.

I can no longer see the others as they call down, inviting me to crawl my way back to the surface. At this point, I can barely hear their words. I am safe in my pit, I no longer feel pain, shame, regret, I feel nothing.

You did this to me.

As I am laying there in my pit, my skin begins to grow back together, the blood has dried up. After a while i can move again, first I open my eyes, then I move my neck I realise that I am lost never to be found, all I see is darkness.

You did this to me.

I slowly notice that while I have been laying here in the dark, my body has healed. Although it no longer resembles a perfect porcelain piece, it gives me hope. I fight to get to my knees, I start crawling to the place that I had once heard voices, but it is hard. The darkness is calling my name, it has become a friend, and the light an enemy.

You did this to me.

I find the strength to keep going, sometimes I take a break and belittle myself for allowing this to happen, and to question my actions. I am unsure, hesitant. Will they want me out in the light or is it better to stay with my friend the darkness?

You did this to me.

I keep going, I start to see the light. I look down and great horror meets my eyes. My body, my soul, no longer resembles the woman that I once was. So scared, so red, so raw, all I see is defeat, no longer knowing who or what I am.

You did this to me.

I hear laughter so strange and shrill to my ears. I crawl further from my pit and watch, feeling as if I am stealing away what will never again be mine .

You did this to me.

Grotesque and invisible, I long and yearn for the light, for a touch of the wind, and yet the darkness calls, no longer sweetly, but with heat and hate. I feel its claws digging into my ankles, trying to pull me back into its depths. The more I struggle to get free, the deeper it's claws go into my skin.

You did this to me.

I am no longer scared of the light, it is the depths that have come to scare me the most. The hatred and fear that has held me within their poisonous grasp.

You did this to me.

I finally pull myself free of the pit. I stand in the sun and I feel the softest brush of the wind welcoming me home. When I look at myself, I no longer feel sick and ashamed. My scars though red and raw, are fading just as the darkness and the pit have faded from my life.

You may have done that to me, but today I claim victory!