You Aren't Drowning, You're Learning

I've been there. I've been there lots of times, and it isn't fun. You have, too. You know what it's like to be doing everything you absolutely can and being just short of being enough. Like you are standing in an empty room with nothing but four walls and being asked to build a world with your bare hands. You're screaming for help in a world where the population is one. You're sitting in your car grasping the steering wheel wondering if it'd be easier to drive off a cliff. It feels like your God put in his two-week notice six months ago. Maybe it feels like you're running a race that's designed in a circle that goes round and round, and there is no prize at the finish line. Maybe not literally, but it feels like it.

If you have never had that feeling or been broken to the point of what you thought was no return then you are lying. Lying to yourself, because if you hadn't you would not have clicked on this article to begin with. So if you have been that broken I want to share something with you. Something that may not make you extremely happy because it isn't sugar coated or made to fit what you want to be real. Sadly, though, it's the truth. Here it is: everyone will tell you it will "be OK," but it won't; they tell you it gets better, but it doesn't. The ugly truth about life is that it will not always be OK. You are going to break down until you no longer realize who's looking at you in the mirror, you're going to cry, and you're going to change. But if you, and only you, decides that it will be OK, it will.

The day that you decide it's going to be OK is the day that everything changes. Because after that point you'll start to grow and all of that water you were drowning in starts slowly watering everything you are trying to grow. It's easy to sit back and say, "I'm just gonna ride it out and see how it goes, it'll be OK." I'm not saying that doesn't work in some situations, but the type of hurt that I'm talking about isn't something you can just ride the waves with. You aren't going to magically get better; no one can force you to breathe. It will not instantly get better but will get easier, I'll tell you that much. The beginning is the hardest part, but after that? After that first breath, you slowly get back into the rhythm and habit of inhaling and exhaling. So yes, it feels impossible and you may think that you'll never get through whatever it is that's weighing you down. I can't guarantee you will, but I can promise that if you decide it's worth helping yourself; you will get through this. See, the thing is, no one can just save you because then you won't learn. You won't grow or figure out how to pick yourself up and that's why you feel alone. Not because you actually are, but because if someone always saved you, you would be weak and you're not. So when you think everyone has left you, maybe this is just an opportunity for your strength to increase. Sometimes it takes doing the one thing you are absolutely terrified of to get the one thing you've wanted your entire life.

Life is hard work and you'll have to fight every day of your life, but don't quit right before you get the promotion you've been waiting for. I'm sorry if you're drowning right now, but only you can teach yourself to swim. Because one day you'll wake up, you'll take a deep breath that reaches your core, you'll take another and another and another. The sunshine will hit your face and you'll open your eyes and feel alive again. But darling, that won't happen until you decide. So do yourself a favor; choose to breathe.