Wild Horses

I've always been drawn to the idea of freedom. If I can be free, I can do anything; if I do anything, I can be anyone I want to be. My self-perception and sense of individuality were intertwined with my notion of freedom as a child. The concept of true freedom didn't break free from those constraints until I started learning more about other people. Only then did it become something much more concrete than the abstract idea it had been before. Ego is the Latin word for I. It's a central aspect of our self-image. Self is often seen as encompassing thoughts and feelings about ourselves or whom we are - concerning how others see us or how we think they see us. So, your ego is what you think you are, while your self encompasses who you are.

"I want to know how much truth can stand." This quote by Nietzsche has been swirling around in my head for weeks. I have wondered if I have too much ego; what happens when it meets a negative ego when love reaches that climax where ego death does happen? What then? What will become of me? I am both terrified and thrilled with the idea. Afraid because I don't want to lose myself, but also excited because I'm ready to let go. In some ways, this feels like freeing myself from bondage. From the bondage of an ego identity that feels so constricting. Who am I? Yes, the self isn't constant, so there's no need to try to find something that isn't there, but it's hard to be content with that when all you've known in your life is yourself. But if there's one thing that I've learned in my 18 years of living is that feeling wild or being wild is liberating. There's great power in not giving a shit what people think of you and instead just going with your flow. As long as you live authentically, who cares what everyone else thinks?

I embrace my newfound freedom, but I'm also aware of its fragility. I want to ensure I don't take it for granted, and I'm determined to use it for good. I won't let my newfound freedom define me. Instead, I will use it to build a life full of joy and adventure. I want to use it to help others, create something positive, and make a difference in the world. I want to take risks and make mistakes, learn from them, and grow. I'm determined to be brave, to trust my intuition, and to trust the process.

The abstract becomes tangible in the wind. I'm free! The more time I spend in this state, the more alive I feel. A force inside me wakes up and screams when it's unleashed. It makes my hands shake with excitement, but it also calms my heart so much that I can't remember what being restless feels like. There's an inexplicable peace in letting go of knowing things concretely and trusting in uncertainty with curiosity. We never learn without making mistakes, and we'll never be alive without taking risks and jumping out of our comfort zones. I must remember that my freedom is an invaluable gift and embrace it and use it to live life to the fullest, explore the world and connect with others.

I must use my freedom to be fearless, brave, and my own person. And if not now, then when? What's the worst thing that could happen? I will have what is meant for me. There's healing in feeling too big for the space between your skin and bones, too small to fit anywhere else. There's beauty in having something wild inside you, always fighting to break free. That's the most honest version of yourself. It might seem like wild horses are running from something, but they live for freedom and are running for their hearts.