Well here I am

it’s been 24 hours since I bought in the new year with friends at a house party with the new restrictions of 15 people yes here in Melbourne Australia we had another covid outbreak (come at me lockdown round 3)

As I sat in the chair out in the backyard drink in hand and everyone singing, dancing and laughing around me I was trying really hard to not look back at the year that was 2020, because really 2020 was just January, February, the first 10 days of March/ my birthday week, then suddenly “oh shit I need to be up at 4am to get in like to buy toilet paper” and now we’re here in 2021?

Look 2020 was my lowest year I won’t lie in our first lockdown here my boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and let me tell you that was a shit show those first few days, one of my friends decided it was a good idea to give me magic mushrooms and oh how that was not *cringe* let’s just say way too many tears. My mental health took a dive from then on. I was weighing a solid 55kg at the start of the year now I’m 40kg (I’m very short for 23), I barely slept, I barely ate I couldn’t even really leave the house without crying because well I just lost the love of my life and I’m in lockdown what else can I do?

2020 has already become a blank to me and really I don’t think it could get worse only up from here I hope.

My question is what will 2021 have in store for me? I mean the first day of it turned out alright I spent the day at the beach with good friends and good food, could 2021 be the year where I start overcoming my battles with anxiety and depression that I’ve lived with for my whole life when I didn’t even notice?

Could it be the year I finally grow a pair and move state and find a better job even though I have no qualifications, no savings but a pretty smile and a decent job record/loyalty?

To be honest I hope that does happen this year, I want to finally overcome all that I’ve struggled with over my short life and I’ve never wanted to move more than right now because I just don’t belong here anymore.

Even though when I cringe at most things I remember from 2020, I don’t cringe at the fact I got to take time to sit with myself and get to know ME better.

And I KNOW everyone is saying it, it’s become a cliche to say it now but I learnt more about myself this year than any other year. Covid was a blessing in disguise as much as I hate it with a passion.