Voices

Welcome to my TED talk

This is not the transcription of a TED talk ,but I will be sharing how I am carving a path through my darkness. In the hope that you will find the strength to see the light when all seems tainted by cynicism and self-loathing.

Some days I feel like a broken vase just awaiting to be discarded. On the outside, I appear "normal", but inside I am waging a war. This war feels like the apocalypse within my soul.

But for now, let us go back outside I am from a Haitian Christian family, yes, one of those Jesus loves you, but we will judge you if you dare to think differently family. Which also meant mandatory church service every Sundays with only one way out being sick to the degree that required you to be bedridden.

Although those Sunday services were painful ,not so much physically but mentally and emotionally due to judgement filled sermons and me repressing my emotions to not be a bother , repression for which I had only my beautiful twisted mind to thank, a disposition that flew away during my teen years which coincide with my creative awakening.

Even though I dreaded Sundays for those 3 hours of bore fest they called church services, it brought to light a part of that ritual I could appreciate ; putting on my amour: the stunning suits my mother bought me so I could look good for GOD.

In those days, I was blissfully clueless as I grew up I was shook by the cost of my armour. Sometimes, I wish I stayed this innocent boy hidden from the cold truths of this world, which would have proven nearly impossible thanks to my growing curiosity.

As I grew older, I questioned that system of belief as any teen would but to this day one question remains:

Why would GOD be the source of all things of worth in my life but be a deadbeat when comes to finding the source of my troubles? As if everything I accomplished must have been the glory of god.

Throughout high school , I met few friends and foes. While most boys my age were daydreaming about the fair sex , questions like do I even matter and why am I did survived birth plagued my mind.

Around the same time, a teacher helped me understand I possessed a talent involving words ,catapulting me in a world of wonders that can only limited by whoever holds the pen, finally I could hope and see the light.

At first, it was just a way to let out all the thoughts I could not dare of expressing out loud by fear of being judged or deemed weird. Some times, when my mind was visited by Apollo, my pen would bless the pages with something I could turn into a spoken work or an ill prepared rap.

When a got my associates degree, my mom thanked god for seeing me through as if I was a passenger riding shotgun. In my head, I screamed:

Fuck that BS, I did that! Although I cannot blame her for that, she believe that her god made me graduate and to be frank I was not the greatest of student but when I applied myself I was not a terrible one.

You might wonder did I figure out a satisfying answer to those dark existential interrogations, sadly I have not but I not giving up and I shall figure it out.

I recently got back into writing and plan to explore the possibilities this platform can offer, hopefully you will enjoy the ride as much as I will enjoy sharing my journey with you all!