To the girl who feels like life has let her down

I never knew growing up that I had no self worth or self love but looking back now I see how many things were right there in my face and I didn’t realize. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere and sometimes even in my own family. I had friends but never felt they were really loyal to me. I felt like I was too fat and didn’t really know what I wanted in my life. I felt like everyone else was prettier and were liked by the boys. I thought I had to chase people to get them to like me. I felt awkward and didn’t really know how to be mature. It became a little clearer when I had friends who went behind my back and dated the guy I had dated or liked. When the boys I liked didn’t like me and when the boys who liked me cheated, lied or used me. It should have been a clear sign to me right then but I still didn’t fully get it.

I thought I was strong and independent but soon found out that wasn’t the case. I never knew how traumatizing this was to me until I began to work on myself after being cheated on yet again. The pain of feeling that over and over again is agonizing. I often times felt like I had to overlook bad behavior just so I had someone to love me. What I didn’t know was that I didn’t even love me so how could someone else? Starting this journey hasn’t been easy but so needed. I see so many people that don’t or don’t know how to love themselves. They think they have to settle for less than just to have someone or get attention. What they don’t know is that you don’t have to settle. You don’t have to settle for being used, feeling like you don’t matter, feeling like you aren’t good enough, feeling like you aren’t valued and feeling like you are stuck.

If I could go back and talk to my little self I would tell her how much she is loved and how amazing she is. I would let her know that she is powerful and can be or do anything she wants. I would let her know that she doesn’t have to be a people pleaser and it is ok for her to make her own decisions and choices and do what makes her happy. I would let her know that it is so important that she is happy. She doesn’t have to take care of everyone else first. It is ok to not be ok sometimes and it is ok to cry. You don’t always have to be the strong one and it’s ok to be vulnerable and trust. Trust in yourself and know that is enough. Trust in a higher power and know that the more you love yourself the more things will work out. Have faith that you are being guided on the right path for your life and always follow the joy. That is what makes life so enjoyable. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and know that when you fall you can just as easily pick yourself back up and keep going. Life is hard sometimes but you have the power to create how you want it to be.

So to anyone that feels this way. I hope you know that you are so loved and the most important person in your life is you. I love you.