This year is my REST year

The timing on this challenge is actually spot on for me this year. Yet another thing that adds to my beliefs that “everything happens for a reason” as this is the year I have decided to finally take a step back from my busy life, and really take the time to focus on myself for the first time in a long time.

Just like a lot of people around the world, in addition to living through the last two years of pandemic, I’ve also been dealing with my own personal struggles over the last few years. This caused me to go through a period of my life, walking around in a semi-permanent state of stress and fatigue, which I had seemingly over time, learned to work my way around on a daily basis. Needless to say, I was having quite a few issues with my sleep cycles during these times, since, when I wasn’t the one depriving myself of sleep for parties or overtime hours, it was my mind and my subconscious keeping my brain and anxiety active at night.

Over the years, I began finding ways of compensating for the lack of rest at the unfortunate expense of both my physical and mental health, despite my young age. I would come to pay for the consequences of my choices later on, some I am still making amends for to this day. You may consider it a form of unhealthy coping mechanism for an overactive and anxious mind riddled with traumas. But just as time passes, these darker days have come and passed, and the only thing I need to worry about (for the first time in, give or take five or six years…) is me.

This concept of finding myself with only my person to deal with terrifies me, but I believe this is the right time and I feel ready. It is time to take a day off “just because”, time to say “no” when I actually don’t feel like it, and not makeup excuses for the sake of others feelings. This chapter of my life is mine to write and even though I have no idea of the plot, I know it will be a good one. And the best thing to do for that is to give myself the best chance, by taking care of my needs and healing my wounds. Not only that, it is also about allowing yourself to rest and breathe. Taking the time to stop and give your body and mind what they need to keep carrying you the way they do every single day. Sometimes this might be under the form of a good meal, allowing yourself to sleep-in on the weekend regardless of the chores you have to do, or finally making that doctors appointment you have been putting off for way too long. Self-care and “me-time” doesn’t always have to be pricey escapades and spa days, sometimes it just implies allotting more time to your own needs, and listening to yourself.

For my part, it was first about figuring out what those needs were, as I had been (somewhat) out of tune with my inner-self for quite some time. But if you trust the process, I learned that your body and intuition will naturally guide you towards your intentions, especially if they align with their own needs. During the start of quarantine, catching up on my sleep was the thing that came the most naturally. The absence of a “newly resolved” stress and the time flexibility, gave me the opportunity to explore meditation, sound waves and frequencies, and sleep hypnosis, alongside a well-balanced and supplemented nutrition, to help improve my sleep and really try to clear my mind. Through this, I found happiness and enjoyment in sleep again, and promised myself that I would never allow anything to disrupt my sleep from here on now, be it internal or otherwise.

To be able to keep this promise I made to myself, it required me to take a few steps towards getting the help I needed, but also accepting it. This might consider sharing this information a tad sensitive but, to me, being open and honest about our challenges and journeys, opens an important dialogue that might encourage or help others who are going through similar experiences, to seek in their turn the help they might need or want but not dare to ask for. And so, this year for my resolution, I have taken the following steps so far…

Already after the last quarantine, I knew I wanted to cut down on my work hours and take it a little slower in terms of everyday pace and schedule. However, the social and economic situation had other plans and I ended up having to “boss-up” for a little longer. This was never a problem until it became one, and my body started having a hard time keeping up with the rhythm. Considering how my financial situation was finally stable, and after long hours of deliberation, I made the difficult decision to hand in my resignation and give my notice at the place I was last employed, which was definitely hard as it was one of the best work places and experience I have had. Once the New Year came, I was officially “off” and had made plans to use this time to focus on my health and also get in touch with my passion again: art. The idea of this was frightening but also slowly grew a glimpse of excitement in the back of my mind, most likely from the anticipation of starting something new… I am also happy to say that I will be starting my personal healing journey and have been in touch with someone who will be guiding me and helping me through every step of the way.

These are the more personal approaches I have taken, but some of the basics needed to be reviewed as well such as my diet, my water intake and my social life. One thing is certain, already halfway through the first month of the year, and I can undoubtedly say that my appetite is getting bigger; my breathing is getting easier; my mood better; my sleep deeper, but more importantly, my smile wider. I feel free again, I feel love again, I can feel again. The small steps I take every day for no one other than myself, at my own speed, are slowly but surely rewarding me with the wellness, and the peace I want but also very much deserve.