Thinking

At the start it doesn’t really matter what you’re doing. You could be doing homework, reading, talking with friends, you could even be in the middle of a party. You can be so content and happy, laughing and smiling, you don’t suspect that anything can go wrong. Then you start to think and that’s how it really starts. You just start thinking, nothing specific, at first, just thinking. Now that you started thinking, you just can’t stop.

Whatever you were doing before, whatever you were talking about, whoever you were talking to, none of it matters anymore. Minutes will have gone past and you are so consumed by your thoughts that you forget everything you were doing before as if you weren’t doing anything at all. All you can do is think and the thoughts gradually get worse and worse. As seconds turn to minutes all you can do is think, and think, and think, all these thoughts get all jumbled up and become so overwhelming that it gets hard to breathe. The thing is, you don’t even know, you’re so consumed with whatever is going on inside your brain that you forget that you have to breathe. If you do happen to realize it there’s little you can do.

You continue with whatever your mind is occupied with that tears form in your eyes, the world around you has faded away leaving you surrounded by nothing but darkness and your own thoughts. The next thing you know you’re hyperventilating, tears streaming down your face but you just can’t stop. You’re powerless to the thoughts inside your head and how weak you think you are. At some point you’ve fallen victim to yourself without ever realizing it.

If you’re lucky, you’ll be with friends, they could notice early on and stop this all before it even starts or notice that something is wrong and snap you out of your thoughts before any of it gets worse. Then there’s the not so lucky ones, the people that find themselves alone. They are trapped in their own mind, relying on their own strengths to pull themselves out because nobody is there to lend them a hand. It gets so hard, not everybody can do it. Some people just aren’t strong enough then there’s the ones that have just been strong for too long.

Everybody has a breaking point, at one point in everybody's lives they will feel as if they are alone in the hell of their own making. At that time it is up to everybody around them, breaking or not, to show these people that they aren’t alone. To be by their side as they work on themselves. They know what it’s like, they feel this heartbreak and sadness that can be so overwhelming that it can even feel physical. They are not alone. You are not alone.