The past will win if you let it.

Whatever we think about what we go through always pushes us to do something we thought we never would do in our lives and do we really know what we are doing or does anyone not care at all. I have a friend who used to be a good friend of mine which turned into a lover however, I was a shitty human being to her because I was in a dark place because I hurt her more times than I could count. We eventually forgave each other after all the things we did to each other but now she is in a dark place which I fear she cannot get out of because she is the type of person who cannot let go easily of certain things. Her hurtful words and spiteful actions toward me that it makes me think I did the same to her, I see how she is mirroring the exact same things I did to her so, now I understand how she must have felt when I did that to her. So, if you think actions and words do not do anything to a person, you are more wrong of a person if you have not realized it now whether you like it or not there is always going to be something you regret and cannot take back. Ruining someone can have consequences more than you think but once it is already done, you will realize it is more hurtful than pain itself and nothing can compare to the pain that you feel therefore it is your pain that nobody can feel. With pain comes a price you must pay which could feel like as if you are paying with your soul to bleed every time you make the choices you make that can destroy you as a person. It is something so intense that it will make all your bad feelings look like a joke which cannot compare to the other bad feelings you have ever felt, and, in this life, nothing can prepare you for anything that has not happened yet. Moreover, why is it when it is too late, we know after it has happened. I think if we knew how bad mistakes would happen or how it would be would have change things but that’s not how life works so, we just learn to live with it till it does not hurt anymore. It does not make it easier though, with having the weight on your shoulders we carry as we are trying to move on from the mistakes we could have avoided if we did not think with our hearts rather how it should have been if we thought with our minds. Whichever way you think can always lead you a different way from the other and not knowing how it will end up is a death sentence for your feelings which might as well just dig your own feelings into a grave of no return. I am sure there is more worse things to happen out there then out here somewhere and the most unfortunate thing to happen to someone as they walk right into that worst scenario not knowing what just happened and how they deserved to come across such a horrible thing to come their lives. Whoever is reading this must be thinking “what was the point of this?” well the point is do not take for granted how good you got it because one day you might not have it because there is me suffering and probably others who suffer more than me but once you are suffering alone makes it more greatly bad as it sounds that reason being nobody is going to help you through it. As much as you take the words of positivity from people is all they can do, and you know those words are not enough but to just think about what they said when you are alone with your thoughts. That was my past as of now my message to people who are suffering from whatever they are facing is that if you want to give up because of how hard it is, you should not because I have never seen one person who decided to do nothing about it change their lives that way. Whatever life gives us should not be the negative thoughts of losing it should give us the positive ways of thinking of how we can be better and to make it better for ourselves for us to break from our strongholds we are so used to holding onto.