The Man in the Mirror

In the summer of 1988, Michael Jackson released a song that would redefine my uncle’s life. The song was none other than “Man in the Mirror”. This particular uncle (Jack) married into the family by way of my mom’s youngest sister. Uncle Jack was the product of child neglect. Both his parents were avid heroin users. As he got older, he found himself continually malnourished and eventually bouncing between foster homes while his parents were either on a binge or in “rehab”. Life as a foster child was no walk in the park either. He would recall wishing for a life like those in popular 80’s shows like Punky Brewster and Different Strokes; showing kids who were taken in by compassionate adults who offered the children a chance at a better life. Uncle Jack recounted when he turned 18 saying, “I was flushed out of the foster system like a turd; and found myself standing on the murky shores of adulthood, homeless and not knowing what the hell to do next”.

His first instincts were to go out and find work. The recession of the early 1990s made finding solid work a tough endeavor. Going to college offered its own set of challenges since he had no money, nowhere to live and a spotty grade school history. He even tried to enlist in the military, especially with at advent of Desert Storm; but his pre-existing conditions stemming from malnutrition as a child prevented him from meeting the criteria for entry.

Jack felt that he was stuck in a void, not able to move forward or backward. He was not able to meet his basic needs. He felt paralyzed, depressed and hopeless. In those moments, he remembered a grim voice calling to him, telling him to do what he knows best.

Having been exposed to the effect drugs had on his parents; he was compelled to do what he knew best: follow in their footsteps. The voice caused him to go into denial and rationalize why his parents remained high all those years…to escape this frail existence called life. Driven by his primal instincts, he succumbed to drugs and in his words, became “a no good homeless junky”. He remained this way for years, wandering from place to place, begging, stealing and running.

One day he heard an old song from his childhood and, for some reason it resonated with him. The words went “I’m starting with the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways, and no message could have been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself, and then make a change”. The words touched his soul so much that he was holding his stomach, crying uncontrollably, saying out loud that he wants a change.

My Aunt happened past him and heard him. She was taken with great compassion for his sincerity. As fate would have it, my aunt, was an addiction counselor who had her own bout with drug use deep in her past. She knelt down toward him and said to him, if you believe you can change and are willing to, then I can help you. The rest is history.

We all have the ability to exercise the power of change. When coupled with determination, empathy, and compassion; the power of change through action can manifest and dynamically transform our lives for the better. As with the case of my uncle, if you want to make your life a better place, take a look in the mirror and decide to make a change.