The Intention

There is this quote by L.R. Knost, I believe she writes parenting books and has a parenting magazine. Neither of which I have read or use as reference because my baby is now 16 years old. I did however read this quote while aimlessly scrolling a few years ago and it resonated with me -

"Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you".

I think of this as I think about the beginning of 2021. Another fresh start... Another year to be the bulb that sits below the soil, fertilizing, growing, gaining the energy to break out, sprout and peak its little green tip out of the earth to find the sun and eventually grow into a bud and then beautiful flower.

That is the key "break" for anything beautiful to happen, something has to break.

Every piece of core wellness advertising every New Year since the birth of advertising always centres around this message "A New Year, A New You/Me" they are geared towards fixing things by attacking our self-esteem, I mean advertising does this anyway, especially the beauty and wellness industries. But in order for something phenomenal you have to break. A muscle breaks before it reforms, a bulb before it becomes a flower and an egg before it becomes a reptile... From an epic breakdown, you can only build up.

The pandemic has not slowed this bombardment of preying on our insecurities. Pandemic advertising is brutal because we know that we don't need new clothes or make-up, we don’t need a gym membership or lip injections. These companies are ruthless about trying to get you spend money with them and I do feel for them because the world has changed and they too need to have an income. They are doing their best. Unfortunately not good enough because what we really need in a pandemic is to stay healthy and sane. To take a moment and truly appreciate what we have.

From 2019 to 2020 I went from being a social butterfly to only leaving my home approximately 8 times from March to the beginning of June. In June I ventured out a bit and started to build my bubble and by July I was comfortable having visits. My first outing was to see a couple of musicians at my local pub. It was liberating.

Like most people every year, my goals for last year were about fixing what I thought to be broken:

• My weight to lose 20 lbs - In reality I gained 25 lbs instead.

• My living situation to buy a house - I scrolled through hundreds, visited 3 and didn't purchase one.

• My intelligence to start a new class - I started Indigenous studies but then work took over.

• My Personal life to start dating again - I went on a couple of dates but the pandemic and constantly in and out of lockdown makes sustaining something hard.

• My Mind to truly work with my therapist on sorting my baggage – I had a couple of zoom appointments but it just wasn’t the same.

I have found over the years that resolutions don't really work, what the pandemic gave me however was time and instead I found that I did the following:

• Walked in nature more often - Which resulted in being healthier in mind and more confident in my body, even though I gained more weight.

• Had more time for my son - Which has been amazing for his mental health and engagement with the family.

• Had more conversations with friends and relatives overseas - Which has been so good for my soul.

• Read more books - Which helped with my intelligence and conversation.

• Painted more pictures – Which helped foster creativity and settle my mind.

• Wrote more – Which helped organize my thoughts and foster my creativity.

• Listened to more music - Which made my heart glow.

• Had more meals around the table with my family - Which gave a sense of community.

The growth that I had been looking for came, but not the way I expected it. The intention was there, the world broke and from it all came beauty.

For 2021, I want more of this...