The Day My Life Changed

I used to say that my life changed forever when my parents passed in 2004 and looking back, it did alter my life in some way. However, when I found out I was pregnant in January of 2010 I said again that my life is forever changed. I knew that I would do things very different now that I had a little me watching the way I moved. For years, it was just me and her and my life was indeed changed because of her listening and watching even when I thought that she wasn’t paying attention. Also, in 2014 I gave birth to a Sun and again I said that my life was forever changed. He was born with Sickle Cell SS disease as well as G6PD and life was an uphill journey for my little family. I was his primary caregiver and continued to do what I do best and that is to take care of those that I love.

I continued raising my 2 children and helping to take care of my family without missing a beat. Things went pretty much on course and according to plan for years minus a hiccup or 3.

Then my life really did change forever on August 12th, 2020. In the midst of being the primary caregiver for my Sun, my brother and most recently my nephew who was end stage with metastatic testicular cancer, I was diagnosed with cancer myself (breast cancer). That day in August, my life really did change forever.

Burying my parents really did change me but that is the order of operations in this world. Children bury their parents. That is the way things happen. The flip side is when parents have to bury their child or children. It is not supposed to happen that way.

Having children was something I was not sure I personally wanted but once it happened, my life did indeed change for the better. Nevertheless, on that day in August of 2020, that diagnosis changed me and changed my life as well permanently. I never saw those words being spoke to me, the issue just did not seem as major as cancer. I was dumbfounded and thrown for several loops.

Currently, I am knee deep in treatment and just finished the initial chemotherapy. Surgery is next in a couple of weeks and possibly more chemo after the reports from pathology. Following that step is radiation and more surgery for reconstruction after my body quickly heals from the radiation. I had several moments of why and why me and more questions than I had answers. Time was of the essence though so before I could get answers, the oncologist was ordering test after test, scheduling port placement, chemo, etc. My head was spinning and I barely had a moment to think. It took awhile to come to grips with all that I had to go through to get to a place of healing but I eventually got there.

In the midst of the chemotherapy, I sought love, solace and prayer from my spiritual advisor and 2nd Mama. In times of unease and dis-ease we always crave our Mama but as I mentioned earlier my mother passed away decades ago in 2004. Mama Dolly sat with me, talked to me, gave me spiritual and earthly guidance and prayed with me. She is a willing vessel and God used her to give me what I needed to fight the remainder of this battle. I left her presence feeling 100x stronger. I am human so I still have my moments but I am taking things one day at a time and preaching myself happy in moments of weakness.

As easy as I am making this brawl look, it is by far the hardest battle I have ever fought. Even so, it has changed my life and changed it forever. I always appreciated life and every new day after experiencing death so closely with my parents, 2 of my sisters, and several uncles and aunts but this made me appreciate it even more. When I heard those words, I thought about a double barrel shotgun. When I stared down one barrel, I saw cancer and staring down the other barrel was death. It appeared to be a no win situation but I knocked that gun down and chose life. I choose life daily, I choose myself daily, I choose my children daily, I choose to live daily. I speak life and I walk in a healing that is still taking place in my body as I type.

I cling to my family just a little bit more, I cherish those still, quiet moments with my children more and I treasure every breath, every moment and every day. I purpose to live my life to the fullest during treatment and after treatment. I did not ask for this fight but I will move this mountain and live. I call myself WonderWoman because I am indeed a wonder. I do not look like what I am going through and this is not happening to me but happening through me. This is my first attempt at being the storyteller. That last inspiration came from The Tabitha Brown and I thank her for allowing God to use her to speak to the people.

Find your strength whether your fight is this dis-ease or another issue. Dig deep, speak life and surround yourself with people that want to see you well and win. Whoever you are and wherever you are, I am rooting for you the same as I do myself. I got this, you got this and WE GOT THIS! WE WIN!