The Career Gap That Almost Broke Me — And What It Gave Me Instead

This waiting phase?

It either builds you… or it breaks you.

And honestly, some days, I couldn’t tell which one I was becoming.

I left my job not because I had something better lined up, but because I had something louder whispering inside me:

There’s more for you. Go find it.

I had a great career — the praise, the promotions, the team that trusted me. I was the kind of leader who didn’t need a title to lead. I had arrived, in many ways.

But something still felt stuck.

So I took the leap. I planned, I packed, and I moved abroad.

New country. New dream. New me?

That’s what I thought.

When Clarity Meets Cold Reality

I believed the job market would welcome someone like me — skilled, experienced, ready to contribute. They said they needed talent. But what I found instead were closed doors, silent rejections, and unspoken biases.

My plan? It cracked.

My confidence? It spiraled.

For months, I held on — then began to break down.

What if I’d made the wrong choice?

What if this gap ruins everything I’ve built?

I panicked. I rushed. I applied everywhere, tried everything, chased every shiny backup plan — freelancing, online gigs, new certifications.

Nothing stuck.

Worse, I felt like I no longer recognized myself.

Until one day, I broke down completely.

I sat alone in a quiet room, tears flooding every “what if” and “why me” thought I’d buried for months.

Then I asked myself the only question that mattered:

“What do you actually want?”

Not what Instagram told me.

Not what hustle culture said.

Not what looks impressive in a LinkedIn headline.

But me — the real me.

At first, the answer felt vague: “I want to be successful, maybe build a business, maybe be a billionaire…”

But none of it felt like mine. Just noise I’d absorbed.

So I asked again.

I got still. I closed my eyes. I asked from my heart, not my head.

And this time, the answer came clear:

I want a peaceful, purposeful life without financial fear.

I want to work in a place that values me, just like I’ve always done.

I want joy in the everyday. Stability in the chaos. And pride in the mirror.

That was it.

When the Pause Becomes the Point

Since that moment, I’ve stopped chasing and started choosing.

I’m not rushing anymore. I’m rebuilding — from clarity, not confusion.

I still want the job, yes — but not to escape my reality. I want it because I now know who I am, even when no one’s watching.

That’s the gift of the waiting phase.

It strips away every false identity.

It breaks every illusion of control.

It hands you nothing… so you can finally see everything that’s already within you.

If You’re in the Waiting Phase Too…

Here’s what I’d tell you:

Your worth isn’t tied to your current employment.

Your purpose doesn’t vanish in the silence.

And your clarity? It’s on the other side of everything you’re avoiding.

This pause you’re stuck in?

• It’s not a punishment.
• It’s a portal.
• Walk through it.

You’re not behind — you’re becoming.

---

💌 Let’s Grow Together

If you’re navigating a career pause, identity shift, or just feel lost in the “in-between,” you’re not alone. I write weekly to help professionals like you turn breakdowns into breakthroughs.

📩 Follow me on Medium

🌍 Connect on LinkedIn if you’re building something bold

Let’s keep evolving — together.

— Deepika 💛