The Art of Doing Nothing: Why Rest Feels Hard (and How to Actually Relax)

I have a confession to make: I am terrible at doing nothing.

Like, really, really bad at it. The idea of just sitting there, existing, without a task to complete, a list to check off, or a goal to achieve? That’s some next-level sorcery I haven’t mastered.

Because even when I try to relax, my brain is like:

Shouldn’t you be doing something productive?

You forgot to reply to that email.

What if everyone secretly hates you and you just haven’t realized it yet?

Oh, cool, you’re lying down? Let’s overanalyze that weird thing you said three years ago!

And suddenly, what was supposed to be a relaxing moment turns into a mental circus featuring intrusive thoughts, productivity guilt, and a full-blown existential crisis.

But the thing is — rest is important. Like, scientifically important. Our brains and bodies literally require downtime to function properly. And yet, so many of us (myself included) struggle with just letting ourselves be.

So, if you’re like me and find it nearly impossible to slow down without feeling guilty, stressed, or weirdly antsy, let’s talk about why that happens — and how to actually, finally, relax.

Why Doing Nothing Feels So Hard

1. The Productivity Trap

We live in a society that worships busyness. Somewhere along the way, “hustle culture” convinced us that our worth is tied to our productivity — that if we’re not working, creating, or achieving something, we’re wasting time.

This is why we feel guilty watching Netflix unless we’re also folding laundry. Or why we feel the need to justify taking a nap with “I didn’t sleep well last night” instead of just… wanting to nap.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that rest is only acceptable if it’s earned. But newsflash: you don’t have to earn rest. Rest is a human need, not a reward.

2. The “I Should Be Doing Something” Anxiety

Even when we technically have free time, many of us (especially anxious overthinkers) can’t shake the feeling that we should be doing something else.

This is why sitting still for five minutes can feel more stressful than working for five hours. Our brains are like:

“There’s laundry to do.”

“You haven’t exercised today.”

“Your to-do list isn’t finished.”

“Did you ever text that person back?”

Instead of enjoying the break, we spend the whole time mentally negotiating with ourselves about whether we deserve it. Which, ironically, makes us even more exhausted.

3. Fear of Stillness = Fear of Our Own Thoughts

Sometimes, the real reason we struggle to slow down is because doing nothing forces us to sit with our own thoughts.

And if you have an anxious brain, you know how risky that is.

The moment there’s silence, our brains start digging up memories we never asked for. That embarrassing thing from middle school? That one time you waved at someone who wasn’t waving at you? Your entire life’s worth of regrets and cringey moments? Yeah. Those all come out to play.

For some people, keeping busy is a coping mechanism — a way to avoid those uncomfortable thoughts. But the more we run from stillness, the scarier it becomes.

How to Actually, Finally, Relax (Without Feeling Guilty or Weird)

Okay, so we know why doing nothing feels hard. But how do we unlearn this weird, deeply ingrained guilt and let ourselves actually rest?

1. Reframe Rest as Something Productive

I know, I know — this sounds counterintuitive. But if your brain refuses to rest unless it feels justified, then let’s trick itinto accepting relaxation as productive.

Because rest actually makes you more productive in the long run. Science backs this up:

When you rest, you reduce stress, which helps you think more clearly.

Taking breaks boosts creativity and problem-solving skills.

Sleep and downtime improve memory and focus — so you actually get more done later.

Instead of thinking, I’m wasting time by resting, try reframing it as:

✔ Resting now will help me be more efficient later.

✔ Doing nothing is recharging my brain like a phone battery.

✔ My best ideas come when I give my brain space to wander.

2. Schedule “Guilt-Free” Doing Nothing Time

If your brain treats unstructured free time as a problem to be solved, then schedule your relaxation like an appointment.

Literally put it on your calendar:

🗓 7:00 PM — 8:00 PM: No Guilt Rest Time

And treat it as seriously as you would a work meeting. No rescheduling. No squeezing in a “quick” chore. Just intentional, protected downtime.

The more you practice this, the easier it gets.

3. Find Your Version of “Doing Nothing”

The trick is realizing that relaxing doesn’t have to mean just sitting in silence, staring at a wall.

For some people, true relaxation is lying in bed with a book. For others, it’s taking a slow walk, watching a comfort show, doodling, or listening to music.

The key is to find what relaxes YOU — without worrying about whether it’s “productive” or “useful.”

4. Practice Sitting in Stillness (Even When It’s Uncomfortable)

If the thought of doing nothing makes you deeply uncomfortable, start small.

Try this:

1️⃣ Set a timer for 2 minutes.

2️⃣ Sit somewhere quiet.

3️⃣ Close your eyes and just breathe. No phone, no distractions.

Yes, your brain will definitely try to hijack the moment with random thoughts. That’s okay. Just let them be and return to the moment.

Gradually, over time, your brain will learn that stillness isn’t a threat — it’s actually kind of nice.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Rest (No Justification Needed)

This is the hardest but most important step.

You don’t need to deserve rest. You don’t need to earn it.

You are allowed to:

Watch TV without folding laundry at the same time.

Take a nap just because you feel like it.

Sit on your couch and stare at the ceiling for 20 minutes if that’s what you need.

Rest isn’t wasted time — it’s necessary time. And the more you remind yourself of that, the easier it gets to embrace.

Let Yourself Just Be

The world isn’t going to fall apart if you take a break. Your worth isn’t measured by how busy you are. And sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is nothing at all.

So go ahead — put your phone down, ignore your to-do list, and just exist for a moment.

And if your brain starts screaming “You should be doing something!”… kindly remind it that resting is doing something.

Then take a deep breath, exhale, and enjoy the glorious, guilt-free art of doing nothing.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story.

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Until next time!