Taking control over my life

My life is a mess. How's yours? I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that anyone who decides to read an article about "Taking control over my life" is probably in the same boat as I. It sucks, doesn't it? I'm tired of living like this. It's draining. I think I can actually feel my soul leaking out of my body. You feel that too? Okay good, I'm not the only one.

This article is more of a diary. I'm taking this one step at a time than updating as I go. Now every program for success seems to have steps, right? So I drew a number ranging from 1-20 and came up with 14. So this is my 14 step recovery program for anyone with a sucky life. Welcome to Phase One.

Step 1: Make Your Bed...every day

Let's start off simple, yeah? I'm a busy person and I don't always (feel like I) have the time. But for the next two weeks, this is my goal. If I can get up in the morning and make my bed. It was a good day. That's my standard. I know I will probably feel better coming home after a long day at work to a neatly made cute bed.

Step 2: Drink More Water

Yay! Another simple one. I want to take better care of my body so I have decided to start my morning out hydrating. I know I need about 65 oz. of water daily and I'm lucky if I can get 16 oz. For the next two weeks, my new goal is to go to my kitchen and fill up my two large water bottles and keep one in my room on my nightstand and keep the other one with me. When I go to work, school, hanging out with friends, etc. I have my water bottle.

Step 3: Exercise EVERY DAY

Like I said in step 2, I want to take better care of my body. I know I feel, think, and react better when I'm in better physical health. I didn't expect a lot from myself at first. It started as just making a rule of not laying down in bed or on the couch when watching tv. I would get myself to lie on the floor to do leg raises, bridges, crunches, etc. Really just moving. It didn't matter what I was doing, I just could not be stationary. After that was established I started going for walks after dinner. I have a 24/7 gym at my building which makes this goal more convenient for me. Morning runs were then added. (I started with running the equivlent to 1 lap around the track) Slowly but surely I started feeling stronger. I suddenly wanted to move my body. I was excited to get to work out.

Step 4: Switch Up the Music

I listen to music legit 24/7. All the music I listen to is so depressing and angry! While I can vibe with all the angst my current playlists projected, most of the time it doesn't actually make me feel better. I think it may be keeping me in my depressed little bubble. How can I expect myself to have a good day when I am constantly listening to songs about painful pasts and hopeless futures? I started switching out some hard rock and punk for a more peaceful sound. For example, I listen to music to fall asleep and have it on all night. I started listening to George Winston, who is a soloist piano player. I then started to incorporate songs I love, songs that I realized I forgot about when I decided if it wasn't about pain and suffering it wasn't for me.

Step 5: Hobbies!

Being so angsty all the time made me forget about all the things I really enjoy doing. I've always wanted to be good at playing guitar but in the past, my guitar has always leaned against my wall just as unwanted as me. I started playing again. I'm getting lessons and I feel really good about my progress. Other hobbies I want to continue to cultivate are reading, biking, sewing, baking, and gardening. Being active in my interests makes me feel like an actual person again.

End of Phase One:

I can feel that darkness that has been overshadowing me for years starting to shift and break. I'm actually starting to have "good" days. Like days where I'm content throughout the entire day. The first time it happen, I thought I must have become bipolar because that's not a feeling I would ever get. Good news: I'm not bipolar, I'm just looking at the possiblity of being happy. Hopefully, you're getting there too. Keep an eye out for Phase Two. With the momentum we got, we can't stop here.